PNM for life
 

I knew from the day I enrolled at *** that I was going to go through recruitment, find the perfect sorority for me and spend the next 4 years creating memories with my sisters. Unfortunately I forgot to factor in that it had to be a mutual selection. I rushed as a sophomore but withdrew on pref night after being dropped by every sorority except the ones I had been trying to drop all week. Before you judge me for being stuck up and not accepting the houses I was invited back to, you should know that out of the many chapters on my campus, there were 4 I walked into and knew they weren't my home and 3 of those are all I had left on pref night. I want to be in a sorority more than anything but didn't want to settle. My question for all of you is:
Now that I know which chapters I fell in love with, is spring recruitment my best option?
I already regret not joining one when I went through recruitment the first time but I didn't want to settle when I thought I had a chance of getting a bid next time for the house I walked into and knew I wanted to call my home.
Please leave any tips you have.

So just to clarify, if you rush in the spring, it will be the third time you've rushed?

How large are the chapters at your school?

Why specifically couldn't you see yourself in these groups? Was religion a factor at all?

You'll be a second semester sophomore, you didn't even give almost half the groups on your campus a chance (which everyone will know) and it's pretty likely that the groups you liked won't be needing to participate in spring recruitment.

Now, you tell me what your chances are.

I am not trying to be unkind, but you did not want to be in "a" sorority more than anything. If you did, you would have at least gone to pref. You wanted a certain sorority or a certain image. Spring recruitment varies, but be aware not all groups may participate. Some will only take a few new members, likely to be close friends of sisters. Your best chance was probably this fall.

QFP

ETA: One of my biggest pet peeves: Saying you have to "settle" for something you know next to nothing about. I'm sure these are amazing chapters of wonderful women. What you've settled for is not being Greek. You could have at least gone to pref the first time around.

I love your username. With that attitude, I'm sure it may just hold true. Good luck with that. ;)

Well, bless your heart.

1. Those chapters that you love so much have already expressed their opinion… twice. They don't see you as a good fit.
2. Three other chapters did see you as a good fit and invited you to pref, but you rejected them.

It seems like mutual selection (or de-selection) has run its course. What, if anything, makes you think a do-over would result in a different outcome?

BOOM... perfectly stated.

I can't say anything nice so I will just say it seems time for this PNM forever to move on.

Mutual selection. The groups you wanted didn't see you as a sister, for whatever reason.

The groups that saw you as a sister, you didn't want, for whatever reason.

You had a chance at being greek. You didn't take it, for whatever reason. You didn't even go to pref, typically a game changer for many women.

Third time rushing doesn't usually end well, especially for second semester sophs, but you will never know unless you try. Be sure and post your story.

You have now rushed twice and you're thinking of doing it again? As some of you know, my daughter rushed as a sophomore at a very competitive SEC school. She did not receive a bid. Originally hurt and devastated, she has immersed herself in two other non-Greek (a coed Prelaw frat she joined last year and has a position in ) and another organization and has moved on. Having said that, she would have been thrilled to get a bid from any house as opposed to being cut before bid day.

So I think it's time to have a chat about a problem a lot of young people have about making commitments in life, and that's to boyfriends, jobs, homes, and yes, sororities. There is no perfect match. While yes, there are chapters that are so much weaker than the others that you may legitimately choose to not be Greek as opposed to accept their friendship. But 3? I don't buy it. And every school doesn't have a chapter that is the level of weak that I am referencing. I'm talking the "on the verge of failing" chapter, not the house that omg doesn't have a single cheerleader in it.

I think there is a disconnect between who you wish you were and who you actually are. You wish you were the girl who fit right in with those girls, the tall perfect blondes who are perfect in every possible way. And you had a great time at their houses! Well guess what, those girls are GREAT at rush. Their job is to make every girl feel welcome and they do it in spades. So the mere mortal girls who are great but not ready for cover model status seem positively bland in comparison? Yeah, they suck. But do they?

Now is the time for you to have a little sit down with yourself and think about, in the real life right now, who you really are. What do you look like relative to the various chapters, what is your social status, how about your ability to pick up on social cues? You had 3 chapters for preference, when many MANY girls in the RFM era don't have that luxury. Because, let's be honest, you thought you were too good for them. We shouldn't judge you, but you had no hesitation as judging 3, count em 3 chapters full of women as not good enough for you. So what makes you so great? Let me guess, not that much.

And let's also return back to the ultimate purpose for sorority rush. It's to make friends. So there were 3 chapters of women who wanted to be your friend, and you don't want to be theirs back. That means the flaw is in YOU, not them.

Now, let's talk about what to do about it. After you've had the above mentioned sit down with yourself and figured out who you REALLY are and where you might actually fit, then you need to find out which chapters are likely to hold informal rush. And then look for where those lines intersect. Possibly one of those chapters that happens to be in that intersection is not at total right now. They might be looking to add members still this fall and you could be living the dream within a month. But first you need to put on your big girl pants and get over yourself and figure out what you are REALLY looking for in a sorority home.

Wow. I could not have remotely said it any better. I love everything about this, DubaiSis. Every woman who comes on here asking something like this or similar needs to read THIS response.

Preach! This should be required reading before being able to ask us about a second rush and stickied as well.

I think it really hits home on the whole get over being the super special snowflake you're parents raised and get used to being a regular fish in a regular pond.