Jeers
 

My young adult just finished with rush and got a bid that was in her top 3. Her initial feelings were of joy and satisfaction although it was not her first choice. Immediately after the bid process, she and the other New Members got together for photos with the existing members and officers.
During the photos, several of the existing members started blurting out alcohol references and epithets setting an overall tone that quickly disturbed my daughter. It became very apparent to her that the sorority was bad news. This is not to say all the young ladies in this sorority were at fault and participated.
While we are under no false impressions about college age students drinking, to set a tone almost immediately after the bid from the chapter showed great irresponsibility and immaturity. We consider ourselves lucky that the truth about the characters of this sorority overall came to the forefront once the vail dropped.
The unfortunate part is that my daughter has to go through the anguish of dropping the bid basically right when school starts. What a great way to start college.
If you are from a sorority or fraternity, don't think that your actions and words will not ultimately hurt your reputations.

Just because a few girls talked about drinking doesn't mean that the sorority is full of hard partiers. My house has some members who go out and drink pretty frequently, we have plenty of members who don't drink or party at all, and we have many members who just go out once in a while! The girls who choose not to drink or party are never pressured to drink or made fun of. Everyone respects everyone else's choices. Every sorority has a diverse set of women and you will find women who drink in every chapter and women who don't drink in every chapter!

Again, every chapter has women who drink. It's college. Just because a few women made some inappropriate comments doesn't mean that the chapter is "bad news".

If it's not too late, I would encourage your daughter not to drop and to wait it out and see how things play out. I'm sorry that your daughter felt uncomfortable but I think she should give the sorority a chance. I'm sure she will find plenty of friends within the sorority who don't drink or party and she may end up really loving her sorority. She can always drop later on in the semester if she really doesn't like it, but at least she can say she tried to be happy and make friends. If she drops, she might be throwing away her only chance to be Greek (if she attends a school where sophomores rushing have a disadvantage).

Not knowing the school or chapter involved, I would urge your daughter to give it at least a week (month). Having accepted the bid, she won't be able to accept another for a year whether she declines tomorrow or in a week (month). Give your daughter a chance to discover if there are sensible sisters in this sorority chapter. If she doesn't, then she can gracefully leave, knowing that they are not the chapter for her.

Um....lol, I hate to tell you, but a lot of people drink in college. It doesn't mean that everyone in the chapter or school does, but it's a BIG part of American collegiate culture and well, American culture as well.

I think it's pretty wrong to judge an entire chapter so harshly based on the actions of just a few members. It's not like they forced beer down her throat or told her she had to drink or she couldn't pledge; they were just making references (inappropriate as they may be). I do feel bad your daughter felt so uncomfortable, but at the same time, she's going to encounter this kind of thing throughout her collegiate experience and her adult life as well.

I really hope your daughter does not DA for that reason, because in my opinion it's a pretty weak one. Being in a sorority is about SO SO much more than that.

If she's the upset one, why are you posting about it?

She's bound to this sorority for a year. Instead of encouraging her to make snap judgements during a very emotional time, why not trust HER judgement that you've raised her to be prudent and responsible, and encourage her to get to know her new sisters?

Well said!

I agree with all of the above. Unless this is an extremely small group, less than 50 or so total members, she is going to find a very diverse group with every outlook and behavior. Encourage her to stay, get to know them. Snap judgments are almost always wrong.

I would love to know what happened.

Photographer: Say cheese!
Member: The Captain was here!
Member: woo-hoo! Shots!
Member: SPRING BREAK!

"Vails" don't drop ..... They are already in the valley. Spelling aside, the posters make excellent points.

Also, QFP.

QFP.

ETA: Aw, DBB just beat me to it! :p

This is an excellent time for your daughter to learn tolerance. Every sorority has members who drink and every sorority has members who don't drink. Your daughter will not be required to drink to fit in and will find many other women who don't drink.

Many active members are juniors and seniors who are over the age of 21; it's legal for them to drink. Every sorority has tight rules over what is acceptable behavior around alcohol and what isn't acceptable behavior, for both women under 21 and women over 21.

Same thing with swearing. Some adults swear. Some adults swear a lot. Get over it. That has a lot to do with self-presentation and not much to do with character. Some research suggests that people who swear are actually more honest than those who don't.

I think you are doing your daughter a disservice by encouraging her to drop immediately. She should go through the new member period and see the whole chapter for an extended period before making the kind of judgments you are encouraging her to make.

I agree with what the others have posted. There are going to be sorority women who drink and party, and there are others likely all within the same chapter who are focused on school and social activities that may not involve alcohol.

In the collegiate world you are going to run into a melting pot of personalities which is part of what makes college a learning experience in and outside of the classroom.

Although you might want to vent on behalf of your daughter, I would encourgae you to refrain from pegging a sorority as "bad news" even though you qualified your statement by saying that not all the women participated in this behavior. Part of growing up into an adult is that your daughter will need to start making decisions what is best for her in the long-run as to whether or not she should stay with XYZ sorority.

Agreeing with everyone who says that a few extroverted activies who may have made a few drinking remarks should not stereo type the entire chapter. Also, give the actives a little break too. They most likely had a very long, stressful week, are beyond the point of exhaustion and at their breaking point but are trying their best to welcome their new members with as much enthusiasim they can muster. If a few of them slipped and made some drinking remarks, it should probably slide for the time being. Your daughter needs to not make a snap judgment about a group who saw something special in her and extended an invitation to be part of their sisterhood, not a drinking club.

I wonder how much of her negativity was actually related to the fact that she did not get her first choice. Was she looking at the situation through disappointed glasses? Would she have been more willing to overlook some behavior that she didn't agree with if she had been running to join a group that she had wanted more?