Extracurriculars..too much or too little?
 

I have daughters in elementary and middle school. We're figuring out how to juggle schedules and finding it tough since both my husband and I work. For any other moms out there, how much is enough extracurricular activities and how much is too little? We're exhausted and just wondering if all the energy and transportation craziness is worth it. Each of my daughters does two activities so it doesn't seem like that much but it adds up. We do carpool but it still seems like we're always on the run.

I don't think there's a set number when it comes to extracurriculars. It's all about what a family can manage/afford.

Your kids are still young, so they're still trying to figure out what they want to do. When I was young, there were a few years where I was doing dance, gymnastics, basketball, swimming, and participating in Odyssey of the Mind. I'm not sure how my parents did it, especially because I also have a brother who was participating in his own activities.

However, once I got to high school, I realized that my real passion was swimming, and all the other sports were dropped. And by that point, I was driving a car and my parents didn't have to drive me all over town. How old is the daughter in middle school? Is she nearing the driving age? Will she soon be able to drop off and pick up your younger daughter when you and your husband need some help?

Again, it's really up to you at this point. Carpools definitely help, but you're still going to have to deal with feeling like a chauffeur from time to time.

Snowflakemom, I'm at that exact same stage of family life. As long as my girls' extracurricular activities were on their campus after school, the leaders could just check them out of their on-site after-school program they were involved with and check them back in when it was finished. Unfortunately, the mid-week sports practices were starting to stress me out because they had to be in their gear and at the field (which was not at their school) before I normally even got home from work. And I had a third child who was only 3 and who would soon be starting his own schedule of fun. I knew I had to make a change.

What worked for me was getting an after-school nanny, a local college student who lives nearby. She picked all three of my kids up from school at 3 pm, including the little guy who was still in daycare, and took them home. She gave them a snack, supervised homework, helped them find missing cleats, etc, and got them to their various meetings and practices on time. Miss Erica quickly became part of the family. She has been with us for three years now and even though she has a reduced schedule this year (her college commitments got more demanding as she progressed through her program) it's still working well.

I'm not sure how old you are, but from what I understand it's not like when I (I'm in my mid 40s) was in JH and HS and you could easily be in a million things at a time. Nowadays each activity is a lot more intense. Marching band isn't just a couple rehearsals a week and 10 football games, it's marching AND competition band, rehearsal every night, competitions on whatever weekend slots the football team isn't playing in. That was starting to happen even when I was in high school.

When they were that age, I limited my kids to two activities each at any given time. They were both always in Scouts (one boy, one girl) so that was one. Sometimes the other one was dance, sometimes soccer, sometimes baseball. Scouts was typically one day a week so that helped. I guess if they are in more than one activity that takes place multiple nights, you might want to reconsider. Baseball is the one that made me nutso. Some of the games were at 5:30 and coaches wanted them there at 5:15. Like.. do you people not work????

Although I'm not a parent, I knew with my family it was crazy because we all had sports going in the season. Me and my two siblings all played soccer through our middle school and high school times, I did girl scouts as well and other clubs as well and picked up new things in high school. But as we got older my parents work schedules got just as crazy and they couldn't always come to cheer us on or pick it up/drop off. We were lucky though because of the many friends we played with that parents were always welcomed to help my parents out, so if you can find that with your kids that would be great!

@AGDee I know how you feel! When my sister was a senior, my mom made it apparent to go to all her track meets which was the same season as me doing lacrosse so she would drive from the beginning of my game to her events at track to then see the end of my game. Luckily our schools are no more than 5 minutes apart, but still!

This, this, this. You'll go nuts if you gauge what you're doing by what other families are doing. I like AGDee's plan: no more than 2, though often it's been one at a time for our kids (not counting church activities). Two was fine for daughter when dance was one day a week, but now that it's 3 days a week, that's pretty much it for her.

And school comes first. Always.

We were always on the run through my kids middle and high school. I have a boy and girl 3.5 years apart. My boy did baseball the whole time and that is it. Paid off with a scholarship to college out of state. My girl took up ice skating and volleyball but when she hit that 6' mark we went the volleyball route. Many weekends my husband was at the baseball diamond and I was at the volleyball court. Lots and lots of crockpot meals for us. Find the thing that your girls enjoy and go with it. It gets WAY easier once they start to drive! Ha!

Thanks everyone--I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. I was feeling bad that I only let them do two things because once we hit high school, I know how competitive it is to get into college. I thought I might be holding them back. I'm glad someone pointed out that it get's easier once they start driving--I didn't even think about that.

Thanks for all the tips!

Keep in mind too that sometimes it is a better qualification to do one thing well than many things without sufficient interest or skill.

Our children could participate in no more than two activities at a time when they were little. I usually was the chauffeur, when they were younger. In MS and HS they were both in cross country and track, and were at different schools,so my husband and I tag teamed the driving and activity attendance.

I have seen many children who were over-programmed because the parents didn't want their kids to miss out on anything. Because everyday they had to be somewhere for some activity,the one thing those children seemed to miss out on was just being a kid-getting to play with legos, going to the park, riding bikes, reading, etc. And don't feel bad if you or your husband start to feel like taxi drivers and that your children's activities are too much. If that happens, let them choose their favorite activity and uncomplicate your lives.

And ditto what pinksequins says: better to show a passion for and a dedication to one or two activities rather than a laundry list of activities that are used simply to build a resume'.