Approaching brothers asking about Spring rush
 

*not sure if this is in the right forum, but the recruitment forum doesn't seem to get many responses*

Ok so just for some quick background, I go to a small school that only has four fraternities. We are not allowed to rush as freshmen (Unless it's "dirty" pre-rush, whatever you want to call it) My freshman year I pre-rushed two fraternities. I'll call them A and B. Then, during official rush during the first two weeks of this, my sophomore year, I eventually narrowed down to just A. I was pretty confident that I would get a bid, but apparently there were "2 or 3" brothers in Fraternity A that didn't want me (direct quote from my best friend who DID get a bid this fall and is now the rush chair) so I didn't. Now, I still really want to join a fraternity, and in fact I have a much greater grasp of WHY I want to, and what they are about in general. I am still interested in A and B, however as of late I have been really intrigued by C. So here's a little summary of the situation

A- Took a pledge class of about 21, fairly confident that they will be doing an optional spring rush. Best friends and roommates with the current rush chair and friends with about 4-5 other members of the pledge class and many upperclassmen, but there are those 2-3 who don't like me for whatever reason.

B- Took a pledge class of about 25 or so. Still up in the air about spring rush from what I've heard. I am good friends with about 15 members of this pledge class though, so if they decide to do a spring rush I'll certainly hear about it (they know I'm interested) Not friends with many upperclassmen though.

C- A much more kind of "shut-in" fraternity on campus. Took a pledge class of about 18 (?) and I know about 6 of them, but none of them very well. Haven't heard much about the possibility of spring rush, but I'm not very confident that they'll do it. I hope they do, however, because they are known for not giving bids to upperclassmen. Basically, this fraternity has really caught my attention lately because I really like everyone I meet that is a brother. They have a great reputation for philanthropy and being just all around great guys (I know it's not about reputation, but a reputation has to have some basis in reality) So I'd love to get a shot at this fraternity that I mistakenly ignored during pre-rush and fall rush.

Would I look strange, or desperate, or whatever, if I just casually Facebook messaged one of the guys I (sorta) know in fraternity C and said something like "Hey, just curious, is your fraternity considering holding a rush in the spring? Because if so I'd be really interested. If not I understand but I feel like I wasn't fully prepared for rush in the fall and kinda did myself a disservice by not paying equal attention to every house." Just something like that. My thought process is, if they think I'm a loser, or say no, or whatever, then joining that fraternity would then probably be out of the question. BUT, if I do nothing, it will be out of the question anyway since, as I said, I don't believe they take upperclassmen. The way I see it is if something goes wrong with C, I still have A and B, which were my initial choices anyway. If not, then I have A, B, and C!

So does anyone have any advice for my situation/ advice on what I should say if I approach a C brother asking about rush? Thanks! Sorry this got long.

Campus culture varies. You might talk to active members about what would be the proper protocol. If you have a Greek Life director, that might be an option also.

My campus does have a "Director of fraternity and sorority life." Would emailing this person be beneficial to me in any way? I feel as though a lot of my questions are ones that don't really have definitive answers so I was unsure about contacting anyone official. What sort of help could this director provide?

The Greek Adviser would have a much more strong grasp of the campus culture then we do, and would be better able I think to offer you advice.

Fair point. However, as members of fraternities, say there's someone you were acquainted with but didn't necessarily consider a "friend" i.e someone you sat next to in class, worked together with on several projects, had conversations with about different things all the time, and who you occasionally stop and talk if you see each other outside of class, but have never really "hung out" with. If this person contacted you kind of out of the blue and asked for information about possibly joining your fraternity, what would your reaction to this be?

Also my roommate (Fraternity A rush chair) said he's definitely putting me on the "rush list" for their spring rush. What exactly does this mean? Just that I'll be invited when they have events? Also, how far will being great friends with the rush chair get me? Obviously he can only do so much but I'm just curious. When it comes time to give out bids, might someone in such a position hold a little more sway than the average brother, seeing as he was elected to deal with precisely this kind of thing? Obviously nobody on this forum knows exactly how the fraternity in question operates but I'm just wondering if anyone has similar experiences. I'm also beginning to make the effort to reach out to other new members of the fraternity to kind of introduce myself and express my interest. I'm still nervous about the ones that didn't like me before keeping me out again. But I'm going to make an effort to be very friendly and social next semester at rush. This past fall I was not as social as I should have been, and I tended to hang out with only a few brothers that I knew the best, which kept me from getting to know others well. I'm also nervous that the way I dress isn't what is considered "Fratty" I don't wear cargo shorts but I don't wear button downs or polo shirts and pastels very often either. I just tend to wear jeans and a nicer shirt (J-crew or something) The one thing I tend to never wear is Sperry's. I find them really uncomfortable and I feel awkward in them. Is there a chance this could hurt me? I'm sorry I know I tend to ask a lot of questions that can't really be answered by someone outside of the situation, I'm just trying so much harder to be prepared next time. Looking for any advice and really just a place to get all of my feelings out.

You already answered your own questions. No one here can say. And if we make speculations, they won't be helping you.

The only thing you can do, as you said, is be more social and open to meeting more members. And be yourself. You don't want to act or dress like someone other than yourself in order to get a bid. If you do, your time in school and in the fraternity will be miserable.

Yeah I suppose you're right. I guess it just boils down to, I'm looking for second-time same-fraternity rush advice. For example, if I know I met someone before and I know their name, but they don't seem to know me. Should I mention that I met them during rush before? Would that come across as a negative to most people? Like for example...

"Hey, (John) good to see you. We had a couple of conversations during rush last semester but I know it's been a while. Yeah, rush didn't really work out the way I had hoped last semester, but I had a whole semester to think about it, and I decided to go into with a different approach this time around."

or maybe

"Hey, I'm (cmg115) you're (Steve) right? Yeah I don't think we've met but I know I've seen you around. I've probably heard about you from (roommate) or someone."

I dunno. Just using things like this to introduce myself and start conversations. I don't want people to be turned off by the fact that it's my second time rushing, but I also feel like in some cases it could be used to my advantage, since I met many brothers (even if only briefly) during previous rush. So yeah, I know at this point anything anyone on this forum told me would be speculation, but I guess maybe that's what I'm looking for.

I definitely would not reference that you had met unless he asked "have we met?" People do not like to be reminded they've met someone they don't remember - at anytime in life so remember that for the future...unless of course you preface it by "I'm sure you don't remember but.....". I strongly suggest talking with the campus Greek Life adviser as he/she will know what every chapter is doing and can best advise you on the specifics.

Another way to meet/interact with the members is to attend any philanthropy events that they are involved with and support that endeavour. It would give you an opportunity to say that you've always been interested such-and-such disease research and wanted to support their efforts and learn more about what they are doing for that.

Thank you. And what about saying that I know we've never met but I know I've seen you around? That kind of thing? Because with this fraternity I know most of the brothers by name whether they know me or not. So if I preface it by saying "I know we haven't met" is that ok? It seems like they'd be glad to know I paid enough attention to know their face and name despite having never met but it could also be interpreted as weird or "reminding them that they don't remember" as you say.

Perhaps you can take a less formal tack (that might be misconstrued) such as, "Steve, right? We were both in Econ 101 with Forbes ....". Cite a connection.

You're WAY over-thinking conversations that haven't happened yet.

If you're introduced to someone, say hello. If you know of some common ground between yourselves (class, you were at XYZ function together), feel free to mention it. But I'm getting a very stalkery vibe from your questions ie I know we haven't met but I know your name is John Snow, your social is 123... and your inseam is X. Rush isn't a trivia contest.

I think I might cast a wider net for your rush options. It seems like you're putting a lot of pressure on doing everything just right at this one house. If nothing else, going through the process with 2 or 3 other chapters might make you relax as a result of some practice. And you might find a chapter that makes you feel welcome as opposed to awe-struck.

The problem on my campus is that this chapter is probably the only one holding a rush in the spring. And it's the one I've wanted since I came here. So it's starting to look like this is my last chance to be in a fraternity in my college career (Most of fraternities do not want juniors pledging except in select circumstances ) and that's why I'm worried. Nearly all of my friends joined Greek life and I don't want to continue drifting apart from them as they make so many new close friendships through their respective organizations. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be in Greek life because my friends are. But I don't want to NOT be in Greek life, because all my friends are. If that makes sense.

Exactly. Relax.

If so many of your friends are in fraternities, why don't you try to make connections through them?

Many of my friends are in fraternities that do not hold rushes in the spring and do not give bids to juniors. It just so happens that the fraternity I rushed in the fall (my top choice) is the only one also giving out bids in the spring. So yes I am trying to make connections through the friends I have in that fraternity, but it's a smaller number than some others. So naturally I do not want to somehow mess up. Because I feel as though this upcoming spring rush is my last chance.