Identifying where you definitely do NOT belong.
 

My daughter is going away to a school with no one from high school or our community. She has no preconceived ideas about the reputations of the sororities there. Reading through these posts, this seems to be a good thing/keep an open mind.

But, with formal recruitment being such a controlled setting / "in a bubble" ...how will my daughter be able to identify the 'party' sororities?

DD is a pretty blonde who wants to avoid being an unhappy pnm in a class of only 30, where she's only 1 or 2 who don't party.
She certainly can't ask at recruitment- "Do you all party and drink a lot?", and is afraid of seeming prudish if she mentions in recruitment party conversation that she doesn't like to drink or hook up with guys.

For the last 50 years, the reality is that on most campuses, a few sororities have a majority of members with a very 'party' mentality. She's not judging, it's not even a moral issue for my daughter, she just wants to avoid them.

These posts imply "Don't listen to the talk you'll hear around campus about each sorority". So, I would be so grateful for your thoughts on how during Fall Formal Recruitment my daughter will go about identifying these sororities that are definitely not for her, despite their members having great manners and great conversation about their philanthropys.

First of all, they all party = some more, some less. But if she's worried about her NM class, she needs to be talking to the people who are attending the parties with her. She's hanging out with them day and night. She ought to be able to tell....

I think you just let things play out. Reputations can change, and in groups of over 100 there will always be some who aren't the partiers.

When I went through recruitment I LOVED ABC. However, I had heard that this group was not just the partiers, but the out of control partiers. I allowed that to affect my rankings and wound up placing them last on my pref card.

Turns out the pledge class that year was full of rock-solid Christian girls who didn't drink- as in over HALF the class. I would have been fine in that group.

I am so happy with where I chose, but I also realize that I would have been happy there too. Fast forward five years and that chapter was known as the "Bible Study" chapter.

Is your daughter going to Oregon or are you an alum? Guessing from your username. Please PM me if so.

If she is going to Oregon, every chapter has women who don't drink. That is true at most of the campuses, or at least the ones I have experience with. No chapter will say "oh yeah we party a lot."

As for the rest, it may depend on who else gets a bid, which means she may not be able to tell. Look for a connection and see how everything ends up.

I would put more credence in this post if it was your DAUGHTER posting and asking the question.

This just reminds me of the parents who would fill out their kids' dorm applications and write on it that the kid wanted a quiet room, a non-coed dorm or a (back in the day) nonsmoking floor/room....when in actuality, the kid wanted the opposite of all of those things.

I don't think you need to worry about any of that. Remembering that it's not REALLY a mutual selection process (maybe 80% or more chapter control 20% rushee control), she should just roll with what happens. She'll be happy in the end. Yes, there WILL be girls who drink heavily and are big ole sluts in EVERY chapter. She can dwell on that and let it make her miserable about her terrible outcome, or she can work to find the friends in the house who are more compatible with her. Because there will undoubtedly be girls of all shades and stripes in each chapter. Unless it's a chapter total of 20, but there aren't many of those around anymore.

Thanks so much for you comments! They served as a huge reminder that my daughter will need to focus not only on the sorority members, but also on the girls who are in recruitment along WITH her. Paying attention, listening, and making connections even outside the sorority Houses / between events is an important part of the process too. I'm not sure I remembered to mention that to her, but now I definitely will!

WCSweet : Sorry, we have no Oregon ties, but thank-you so much for reaching out. We are NHL Ducks fans. :)

33girl : It is all coming from the daughter. I'm just the Mom who's doing all she can to gather information and reassurances from others that might help me in dialing down daughter's stress level about a new school, new friends, and fast approaching Recruitment.

I wouldn't worry about this. Everyone gets vibes and makes their own judgments during recruitment...on both sides. Members and PNMs tend to hit it off and have great conversations with women who have like interests.

My daughter worried about this before she went to school last year. Some kid on a student orientation panel told her not to worry about it...lots of kids don't drink, and lots of kids who came to school as non-drinkers gradually acclimated to the college social scene without going hog wild. And of course, some do go hog wild. I'd talk to your daughter about making good choices and not stress about it too much.

I concur with Sciencewoman and DubaiSis. Your daughter will probably get a "vibe" as to the personality of the chapter, but as DubaiSis correctly points out, the Party House sorority is probably looking for girls who will mesh with their culture. It is a mutual selection process.

Also, I am finding more and more of my friends' college age children do not drink, and seem to have a good time no the less. I would like it if my son makes that choice when he eventually gets to college, but we will see when he gets there.

One thing you didn't mention that could be important: How large are the chapters and Greek system at her school? If the chapters are close to 200 girls, there will no doubt be a mix of different girls, no matter what their stereotype. However, if it is a small school with chapter size of around 50, the chapter could be much more homogenious.

sdtennisgal:
I absolutely agree with you about a "vibe" probably coming from Party House. DD is hoping that vibe comes across loud and clear! But, she's had a few eye-opening high school experiences wherein girls appear one way in an organized or formal setting such as church, school clubs, swim team, etc. and then blindside her with their surprising "party persona" on Saturday night. (We adults probably know adults like this.)
DD is fine with beer at college parties, a keg at a fraternity house, no problems with any of that. It's expected.
Her entire group of friends drinking to the point of disorientation, sloppiness, and "losing their lunch" just isn't her thing.

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