Writing a Rec for Someone You Don't Personally Know
 

Hey all,

I just graduated and a family friend asked if I could write a rec for a PNM who is her neighbor. I received a photo of her and a resume. Frankly, I don't know what to write based on her resume. She had one extremely time-consuming activity she quit her sophomore year and nothing after that. Average GPA. Lots of work experience. I just don't know if I get a 'picture' of her from her resume though.

My idea was to give her a call and just talk to her to learn more about HER. However, are there questions I should ask? The one I think of first is asking what she hopes to gain by joining a sorority and maybe some questions about what is on her resume. I'd imagine there are some I'm not even thinking of though.

What have other GCers done when writing a resume for someone they don't personally know?

Thanks in advance, looking forward to the responses!

If you wanted to be really kind, you could meet with her, hopefully get a much better picture, and then suggest to her how she might improve her resume. If you meet with her and she's as flat as her resume, then if you want to be nice, you can write an information-only rec that makes it look like you didn't do your homework. I certainly wouldn't flower up her rec if you don't think she merits it or in a way that isn't pristinely true.

And of course, if she's really a mess, again to be kind you could suggest she start her freshman year and spend that year working on grades, extra-curriculars, etc. In general rushing as a freshman is the better choice, but that's not always the case.

You are on the right track.

1. I have definitely called PNMs and met them in person. I typically start with asking for elaboration of things on their resume, but then transition into rush type questions. I'll ask about their planned major, what inspired them to do that, what they do with their free time, how they spent their summer etc. You would be surprised what you can learn in a phone call. Does it take the place of knowing them personally? Not at all, and I would never presume that. But, you can get an idea of their conversation skills, their motivations, their interests, not to mention their manners.

2. I also start working the phone to find people who personally know them. Initially I try to find members of my org that can serve as the liaison but will also just ask mutual friends. I do not write recs where I haven't at least found a mutual contact who can tell me more than "oh she's a nice girl." I ask them very specific questions about her character and personality. How do I find the mutuals? Teachers, parents, students from her high school, members of her church, individuals connected with some of her community organizations, etc.

3. If you can't write much from her resume, then it is probably poorly written. As someone who writes 40+ recs a year, they can run the gamut. Most high school students just don't understand what to put in a recruitment resume. Example: one PNM did a ton of local runway and print modeling, but since it wasn't through school she didn't think she could list it. Other common omissions are volunteer work, honors, scholarships, and hobbies that are actually time consuming. I met with a PNM just yesterday who put "running" down as a hobby. Turns out that she is currently training for her 4th half marathon in less than 2 years. This is where the phone call, where you are "rushing" the PNM, can help fill in lots of holes from a resume.

It is also possible that you simply have a vanilla PNM. It happens.

Good luck!

This is what I do.

Great advice!

I would definitely find out what happened sophomore year. There may be some kind of extenuating circumstance that you can discuss in your letter or she may be a lazy POS. If you can't find out anything good about her and it makes you uncomfortable, don't recommend her.

I don't think meeting with the PNM is worth spit. It might violate Panhellenic rules at her campus.
It's all about reputation. You're not going to learn about that from a one-off meeting.
Talk to your neighbor. Does she/he know the girl well? Get them to tell you about her and her parents.
Look at her resume and see if you might have friends or acquaintances who go to her church, teach at her school, work at the same place as her mama and daddy. Talk to them.
Otherwise, stick with the info only rec.

I stick with info only for people I don't know. Why put out the effort? You are a busy person and you are doing this PNM a favor. You don't know this person well, and a one-time coffee date or phone conversation isn't going to improve much on that.

I agree with PP to talk to her to find out what happened to make her drop that one activity. I think one good question to ask is really what she hopes to get out of her sorority experience.
I just wrote a rec for a PNM that I have never met. She provided me with an information letter about herself that really answered any questions that I would have had about her. She has also completed one year of college, so there was a lot for me to write about her.

Someone else also stated this above - I did talk to my neighbor (the one that recommended her) and she had a very good reason for dropping out of it. It is also not sensitive - although I won't mention it here because it is unique enough that someone *may* remember her from it if they read this. Thank you all so much for the advice!

I have written several recommendations for girls I don't know personally. I meet them for coffee somewhere. I take a copy of the recommendation so I knew what info I need in order to complete the paperwork. I take the resume from the girl and write follow-up questions based on her resume. When I type the recommendation, I make sure that they knew I have 1) actually met the girl, 2) state I did not know the girl prior to this meeting and 3) I end up stating why I feel they should consider the girl or why they would be best dropping the young lady and their earliest convenience (met with a girl who had a low GPA but uncle was an administrator at the school so they let her in, one got a call during out meeting and then proceeded to some of the finest choice words while I was interviewing her, etc..)

DaffyKD

I have written several recommendations for girls I don't know personally. I meet them for coffee somewhere. I take a copy of the recommendation so I knew what info I need in order to complete the paperwork. I take the resume from the girl and write follow-up questions based on her resume. When I type the recommendation, I make sure that they knew I have 1) actually met the girl, 2) state I did not know the girl prior to this meeting and 3) I end up stating why I feel they should consider the girl or why they would be best dropping the young lady and their earliest convenience (met with a girl who had a low GPA but uncle was an administrator at the school so they let her in, one got a call during out meeting and then proceeded to use some of the finest choice words while I was interviewing her, etc..)