Hesitant to join Alumnae Chapter
 

Good morning!
I recently found Greek Chat and am really glad I did because I do not have anyone with an unbiased opinion I can ask about my situation.

I am an alum of a sorority in a city with more than one alumnae group. One is in the major metro area and the other is pretty far from the metro area. After I graduated, I was not as involved in my sorority due to burn out but also because of work, family life, etc.

Recently, I wanted to get involved as a member of the group but I realized that the VP of the group is a sister who does not care for me. We did not get along in undergrad and she made it pretty clear she wanted nothing to do with me. There was some gossip and now I feel uncomfortable going into a group where she is such an active member.

I'm not sure if I should join the group regardless of her presence. She made it very uncomfortable for me during our last year and I do not want to feel that way again. The other group is too far for me to be involved with on a regular basis. Any advice?

You're all adults now. A lot of stuff that was "OMG SO SERIOUS I HATE HER" during undergrad shouldn't matter these days.

In my chapter, one brother and I used to HATE each other. But as we moved on with our lives, we realized how petty things were and are now cool. Even if you two aren't BFFs, I'm sure you can be civil when handling sorority business. Plus, you'd be missing out on a chance to interact with other alums in your area.

Depends on the size of the group.

Go to a meeting. If you get a bad vibe, don't go back. This way, at least you've tried. Also, take heart in the fact that alumnae membership is very different from collegiate membership. You're a lifetime member, and as an alumna you decide how involved you want to be, if at all. So go to a meeting. Pay your dues and go to the events you want to go to.

You'll never know unless you try! In the meantime, you could be missing out on a chance to make new friends. I have had a couple times in my life where I crossed paths with someone years later and they either no longer cared about a past problem or put it behind them. (Including one person who confessed that I never liked you cause so-and-so said such and such, and now it turns out so-and-so was a pathological liar all along - I can't believe I listened to her bad talk people!) :cool:

^^^ what she said. Don't let one person keep you away. People will figure this out on their own. You have every right and reason to be a member!

PS Mean people suck. I'm sending you positive intentions.

Alumnae associations are made up of members from all over the country. These are people you would have never met had it not been for your sisterhood AND you attending an alumnae meeting. You don't have to be best friends with this person, there is every personality in the group so you can make friends with lots of other people. Go and have a wonderful time!

DaffyKD

Thank you everyone. I will take the advice of Adpiucf and go to one meeting. Hopefully I can get past the one alum and enjoy the group activities.

Thank you, AzTheta, for the positive thoughts and to everyone else. Let's hope this goes well!

I'd say try it out!

To quote one of my favorite movies, "Don't let the haters stop you from doing your thang!"

Really, though. If you skip out on something you love just because of a mean-spirited woman, you're giving her the satisfaction of controlling you. Try it out and if you like the other women in the chapter, you can get past one person.

Yes. It also depends on why you didn't get along - were you just two very different people who couldn't find common ground, or did something actually happen between the two of you?

Like others have said, I encourage you to go and get involved. Alumnae associations constantly change (like chapters) with new sisters joining, leaving, taking offices, etc... Don't let one bad seed (i.e., sister) ruin it for you. People who hang on to grudges, show their true colors to others, other sisters will see her hold a grudge against you.

I agree. You were also chosen to be part of your GLO fair and square...don't let their issues ruin your opportunities to connect post-college. Good luck!

I'm trying out a new alumnae association tomorrow night. I'm nervous about it (dynamics, age, etc), but nobody said that I HAVE to go to each and every event. I keep telling myself that, anyhow!

Honeychile - best of luck to you!! That will be great if it is a good fit!

I really want to get involved in my alumnae group, but it's pretty small and all of the women are ... old. I went to their Christmas dinner last year. It was fun because they loved having me; I was a new alumna, etc etc. But again, they're old and I don't have anything in common with them. They're cute old ladies though.