Ahhh freaking out, don't know if should drop or not
 

All throughout recruitment everyone talked about finding the sorority that's the best fit for you...cause i don't feel that the one i'm in is.here's some details...It's been a couple weeks since bid day, and while I've met a few older sisters I really like, a good portion of them seem a bit valley girl-ish, if you know what I mean. I've made a few friends in my new member class too, but i'm not like super close with anyone. I keep thinking about the other party I went to on pref night, which seems like a bad sign to me lol. they seemed like the most real girls - like i felt like i was just in a room with friends as opposed to in a sorority. the one i'm in now definitely doesn't feel like home - its not awful, its not great. just ehh. pref night kinda threw me - i liked the one i'm in now's ceremony so much better (i know, stupid) & the other one was more emotional than I usually am haha. but thats basically why i listed the one i'm in now as my first choice, but even as i was doing it i knew i should put the other one, but i figured if i got accepted then I would know that's where I'm supposed to be, but the fact that i'm still having doubts 3 weeks after bid day... but i'm a bit afraid to drop - what if i go through next year & turns out that was the right one. its not so much that they're too girly, though thats a small part of it; more the superficial/vapid-ness that i'm not a huge fan of. i'm able to talk to a handful of girls, but i'm not sure if its worth it to stay just for a few people. I've really given it a shot (3 weeks) but if I drop I have to do it soon because we have to order our pins by Nov. 2. The reason I hesitate to drop is because I am a freshman and I haven't made many friends; but if i had a solid group of friends, I would definitely drop. And one other thing - I feel the sorority i'm in now will change who I am, whereas the other one would enhance who i am, if that makes sense. Thank you for reading through all this & pleaseee let me know what you think, I need all the advice I can get!

You have totally unrealistic expectations of your sorority if you think that you should be BFFs with everyone in three weeks. Heck, I was in a small chapter, and I don't think I knew everyone's names in three weeks!

Part of the "superficialness" that you may be feeling is that right now, you ARE superficial friends and therefore discuss superficial topics. That deep bond takes years to build. Basically, you're in the same "What if" boat MOST girls go through.

PS....Paragraphs & punctuation are your friends.

I put this in your other thread about this same subject, so posting it here to so that you will hopefully see it.

You are having buyer's remorse. It's only been three weeks and trust me there are a lot of girls in every sorority, even the one you think is so perfect for you, having it now. How long did it take to become best friends with your friends back home? Probably longer than three weeks!

Here is some stuff I wrote for another Greek chat person feeling like you are: You shouldn't be depending on other people to help you get to know your sisters. You need to put yourself out there and make friends just like you would in the outside world. If you have a house, hang out there a lot even if it is to study or watch TV. If you don't have a house then figure out where your sisters like to hang out and go there. Approach some sisters you don't know after chapter and see if anyone wants to go out for coffee or froyo or whatever after. Sit next to sisters you don't know yet at every meeting and event and strike up a conversation. Look for your letters in your classes. You probably have sisters in them and don't even realize it. Seeing your letters is an instant conversation starter and then you'll have someone to sit next to in class and study and complain with! She can even introduce you to more sisters.

You need to stop thinking about the what ifs and the other sorority. That will crush your soul. Believe me when I tell you it's not perfect over there. Also understand that even if you had put them first on your bid card you still may have ended up where you are. Even though they may have been your first choice, it is very possible you were not that sorority's first choice. At a lot of schools, going through rush after you depledge your freshman year will not work out any better for you. It will be worse, as in not getting a bid at all worse. Be sure you will be ok with that if you decide to drop.

This will be the first time I've mentioned this this year, but you are having Unicorns Pooping Rainbows Syndrome. During rush, every sorority woman you meet is IN LOVE WITH YOU. You are the center of their universe. Once rush festivities are over, they kind of move on with their lives and return to sorority life as usual. You definitely fit into that life, but they are no longer singing and dancing every time you approach the door. And how dare they? So you no longer feel special. The conversations that seemed oh my god so important a couple weeks ago now seem stilted and false. Well guess what, rush is a highly organized scripted and choreographed event. The fact that it works out for the vast majority of sorority women is kind of a miracle. But it does work. The difference is, now it's YOUR turn to do the work. And forget about BFFs and inside jokes and all the other stuff associated with long time friends. These are real women with real, and very full lives. There is no other area of your life where you would expect to leap past the get to know you phase. You can't expect it in your sorority either.

And for the active collegians out there, KEEP RUSHING YOUR PLEDGES. You do bear some burden in making sure your pledges feel welcome.

Everybody feels this way at some point while pledging. Friendships take years to cultivate. Get a feel for your campus. If it is the norm for women to drop out during pledging and successfully rerush the following year, then drop. But if it isn't the norm, this is probably your only chance to be Greek.

It is so important for new members to put in the effort to get to know people and get involved with their chapter. Talk to your big or another initiated sister that you trust about your feelings. And make an effort to call people, hang out, socialize, and become involved with your chapter. You need to make an effort.

I have a very good idea which school this is especially because we stressed this year to "Find your Fit" during recruitment. IF this is the campus I think it is then one or two PNMs do go through recruitment again the following year. Although typically the chapter you pref'ed but did not select may not give you an invitation past the first round.

I just wanted to thank you all for taking the time to read my disorganized, emotional rant, and to formulate responses.

A couple things to note - Greek life at my school is rather small & not very competitive (of about 300 girls who went through recruitment this year, about 225 - 250 got bids, and most who didn't get bids didn't maximize their options on their ranking cards). There were also lots of sophomores and even a few third-years who went through & got bids. Also, my chapter was colonized very recently, 2010, & one of my good friends who ended up in a different sorority than me said that girls in her chapter say that there are two very distinct types of girls in my chapter, & I may just be one & not at all the other.

I have been trying to get to know the girls in my sorority, going on lunch dates, coffee dates, dinner dates, etc., and I guess why I'm worried is there are a bunch of girls I realllllly don't like. I'm also not at that totally-in-love-with-my-sorority stage yet, while there are other new members and new members of other sororities on campus who seem to absolutely love it, including one of my good friends. I don't know if getting to that point usually takes a while, or is partly brainwash(haha), or what, but I'm worried I will never get there. To me, it doesn't seem worth it to be in a sorority if I don't really love it or feel something close to disdain for some of my potential sisters.

However, at the same time I really want to try my best to make it work & be happy here, since everyone (at least at my school) says that everyone ends up where they're supposed to be. Any advice on how to get over the other sorority I went to on pref night would be most appreciated; I feel like if I could do that, I'd be fine, but its very hard to stop thinking about it that way once I've started. It's always in the back of my mind, even when I'm kind of enjoying myself with girls from my sorority.

If you very recently completed recruitment, what harm is it to give it a little more time? According to NPC rules, you are not going to be eligible to rush again until formal recruitment next year, whether you drop now or right before initiation. If you are still "not feeling it" you can always drop your membership just prior to initiation.

There are lots of threads on here where girls are feeling the same exact feelings you are. If you have not done so, you should read a few of them. There are even threads where new members admit they didn't really feel it until they moved into the sorority house the year after they first joined. Reading these may help you see that you are not alone in your feelings. I would venture to say that more new members than not have experienced, as someone in this thread already put it, buyer's remorse.

Were you a member of an organization in high school-cheerleading, band, chorus, NHS? Did you feel close to every member? It is the same in a sorority/fraternity. Being a member of any organization does not mean that you are going to have the same views or be BFFs with all the other members. There may even be members that you don't like. That is life.

I think people confuse the meaning of the word sisterhood. I'm pretty sure you don't love everyone in your dorm or in your classes or in the other organizations you've joined on campus. A sorority is special because of its rituals and rich history, and its shared purpose. But your membership represents a cross-section of your college campus. You're not going to click with everyone. But everyone is working toward a shared goal of maintaining your chapter's rituals and legacy and supporting your philanthropy. I'm pretty sure in high school you didn't get along with every single person in the organizations you belonged to.

You may make some of your best friends in your sorority. Your sorority may lead you to meet your best friends who are outside the sorority. For me, both of these things are true. Another thing that is true is that no one, and I mean no one, is in love with her sorority 24/7. It can be enormously frustrating to work with so many women all at once, and some people have their ideas while you have yours concerning the way things should be done. But there are fun moments, and there are shared moments, and there are annoying moments, and there are sad moments. Later you look back on those times and you're so glad for all of those moments and those people and the lessons learned.

I don't like this whole concept of "finding your fit." We tell PNM's to find their fit during recruitment and then when they second guess themselves, we tell them they can find a way to make it work in any group of women if they just try. In recruitment, it's really a matter of falling into a group and making it work. If you don't want to make it work, drop out and save yourself the time and the money.

So here's my advice. If you are convinced you can walk into a sorority house and immediately "fall in love" with every woman of the room and be friends for life and BFFs, then drop out and try again. But in the real world, membership in a women's organization means you're not going to like or love most of the people all the time. It means you're going to have to keep putting yourself out there and cultivating friendships. If you're not up to that, don't be in a sorority or any women's-only group. Gone are the days when you could run up to a girl on the playground and say, "Want to be my best friend?" Adult friendships take time. And you will also need time to put that other sorority out of your mind. Stay busy and throw yourself into school, sorority, and other campus activities.

I come from a fraternity perspective, but This! It is easy to see your friends and people you like as your brothers (or sisters). I have always thought one of the major life lessons of a fraternity is to learn to see and value as your brothers the people you don't particularly like or who you wouldn't necessarily hang out with. When you can do that, then you have learned what fraternity means.

Didn't you already start a thread about this? This would be the second time you asked. The answer is YES you should drop out. If you feel the need to ask twice on the same internet forum after being a member for a total of 3 weeks, then YES you should quit.

:rolleyes:

Didn't you already bitch in a thread about this? This would be the second time you bitched about this. YES. Yes, she's gotten bitched at enough, YES you can stop now. :rolleyes:

The reason I posted twice was because the first one was just me saying hi, i'm new here, I didn't know if people would actually respond or not, so I started the second one. Thanks to AlphaFrog for sticking up for me :)

But, to everyone else who actually dispensed helpful advice: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Especially the 3 who posted after my last response, your answers were incredibly wise & really made me feel a whole lot better. They got me thinking in a new way, and reassured me that its not realistic to love or even like all your sisters, despite what it may seem like during recruitment.

I had dinner with a bunch of new members before our new member meeting and chapter meeting tonight, and I talked to some girls who I haven't really hung out with before & I really liked them. Just validating all of you who told me it takes longer than 3 weeks to 1)meet everyone and 2) become friends with people :) I have been reading similar threads, and thats also made me see that other girls feel the same way. I've also thought about the possibility of going through next year and getting no bid at all, and that is definitely not what I want. So basically, I'm pretty much decided that I will be staying, but if anyone has any new insights or encouragements, etc., please feel free to share!

Words you don't see around the CG too often. LOL ;)