New!
 

Hey everyone, i'm here, i actually need some advice on whether or not to drop my sorority (i'm still a new member).

YES! Please drop! If you have such a bad attitude about an organization that went out of their way to give you a bid--then please just drop! You have no idea how many women would have loved to have been in your shoes! Seriuosly, what's with all these "new members" who keep wanting to drop? I just see it as a sign of immaturity and selfishness.

Ouchhh ok, what happened to finding the sorority that's the best fit for you? cause i don't feel that it is.here's some details...It's been a couple weeks since bid day, and while I've met a few older sisters I really like, a good portion of them seem a bit valley girl-ish, if you know what I mean. I've made a few friends in my new member class too. I keep thinking about the other party I went to on pref night, which seems like a bad sign to me lol. they seemed like the most real girls - like i felt like i was just in a room with friends as opposed to in a sorority. the one i'm in now definitely doesn't feel like home - its not awful, its not great. just ehh. pref night kinda threw me - i liked the one i'm in now's ceremony so much better (i know, stupid) & the other one was more emotional than I usually am haha. but thats basically why i listed the one i'm in now as my first choice, but even as i was doing it i knew i should put the other one, but i figured if i got accepted then I would know that's where I'm supposed to be, but the fact that i'm still having doubts 3 weeks after bid day... but i'm a bit afraid to drop - what if i go through next year & turns out that was the right one. its not so much that they're too girly, though thats a small part of it; more the superficial/vapid-ness that i'm not a huge fan of. i'm able to talk to a handful of girls, but i'm not sure if its worth it to stay just for a few people. I've really given it a shot (3 weeks) but if I drop I have to do it soon because we have to order our pins by Nov. 2. The reason I hesitate to drop is because I am a freshman and I haven't made many friends; but if i had a solid group of friends, I would definitely drop. And one other thing - I feel the sorority i'm in now will change who I am, whereas the other one would enhance who i am, if that makes sense.

Good grief. Bad attitude? Where in this:

is there any suggestion of a bad attitude? Having questions does not necessarily equal having a bad attitude. It might be a bad attitude, it might financial or it might just be normal second thoughts that lots of GCers who love their GLOs have admitted to having.

At least hear someone out before you jump down their throats.

Sigh, it has been 3 weeks!! You are not going to be fast friends with a bunch of girls already.

Honestly, you probably need to put that other sorority out of your mind. You have no idea if you would get a bid from them next time around. On many, many campuses, it is extremely hard for a sophomore to get a bid, much less one that has already pledged and quit one organization.

Your decision right now should be "am I willing to be a full member of this sorority and fully commit or am I willing to risk not being in a sisterhood AT ALL."

THAT is your decision.... up to you.

I get it. Every time I see a "I want to quit" thread pop up I get so frustrated because it seems like there is a new one every day. If I typed what I was thinking I would have been banned long ago.
And fwiw- she did start a 2nd thread airing her "reasons" (she's not BFFs with everyone in her chapter yet) so als's response may not have been solely based on the first post of this thread.

You are having buyer's remorse. It's only been three weeks and trust me there are a lot of girls in every sorority, even the one you think is so perfect for you, having it now. How long did it take to become best friends with your friends back home? Probably longer than three weeks!

Here is some stuff I wrote for another Greek chat person feeling like you are: You shouldn't be depending on other people to help you get to know your sisters. You need to put yourself out there and make friends just like you would in the outside world. If you have a house, hang out there a lot even if it is to study or watch TV. If you don't have a house then figure out where your sisters like to hang out and go there. Approach some sisters you don't know after chapter and see if anyone wants to go out for coffee or froyo or whatever after. Sit next to sisters you don't know yet at every meeting and event and strike up a conversation. Look for your letters in your classes. You probably have sisters in them and don't even realize it. Seeing your letters is an instant conversation starter and then you'll have someone to sit next to in class and study and complain with! She can even introduce you to more sisters.

You need to stop thinking about the what ifs and the other sorority. That will crush your soul. Believe me when I tell you it's not perfect over there. Also understand that even if you had put them first on your bid card you still may have ended up where you are. Even though they may have been your first choice, it is very possible you were not that sorority's first choice. At a lot of schools, going through rush after you depledge your freshman year will not work out any better for you. It will be worse, as in not getting a bid at all worse. Be sure you will be ok with that if you decide to drop.

I get that too, I really do. But the point is, you don't type what you're thinking, you wait and see what more there is to the story before you dive in, and then you can gauge whether your initial thoughts were on the mark or not.


Nope. als's response was made about 3 hours before the next post in this thread or the (identical)first post in the other thread, so it was based solely on her assumptions.

Didn't think to go back and look at that.

I just wanted to thank you all for taking the time to read my disorganized, emotional rant, and to formulate responses.

A couple things to note - Greek life at my school is rather small & not very competitive (of about 300 girls who went through recruitment this year, about 225 - 250 got bids, and most who didn't get bids didn't maximize their options on their ranking cards). There were also lots of sophomores and even a few third-years who went through & got bids. Also, my chapter was colonized very recently, 2010, & one of my good friends who ended up in a different sorority than me said that girls in her chapter say that there are two very distinct types of girls in my chapter, & I may just be one & not at all the other.

I have been trying to get to know the girls in my sorority, going on lunch dates, coffee dates, dinner dates, etc., and I guess why I'm worried is there are a bunch of girls I realllllly don't like. I'm also not at that totally-in-love-with-my-sorority stage yet, while there are other new members and new members of other sororities on campus who seem to absolutely love it, including one of my good friends. I don't know if getting to that point usually takes a while, or is partly brainwash(haha), or what, but I'm worried I will never get there. To me, it doesn't seem worth it to be in a sorority if I don't really love it or feel something close to disdain for some of my potential sisters.

However, at the same time I really want to try my best to make it work & be happy here, since everyone (at least at my school) says that everyone ends up where they're supposed to be. Any advice on how to get over the other sorority I went to on pref night would be most appreciated; I feel like if I could do that, I'd be fine, but its very hard to stop thinking about it that way once I've started. It's always in the back of my mind, even when I'm kind of enjoying myself with girls from my sorority.

The "everyone ends up where they are supposed to be" line doesn't mean you feel it on day one...or at week 3. Do you have a Big yet? You need to stop asking your friend from another sorority for her opinion. She's not in your chapter and doesn't know what is going on. You know the phrase "The grass is always greener on the other side"? This is a perfect example. You don't have a group of friends outside of your sorority either. Doesn't sound like you make friends very quickly. That's okay. Don't push it so hard. Being friends in a sorority isn't any quicker than being friends outside a sorority. The fact that you don't "like" some of you sisters is normal. You wouldn't like some of the girls in the other group, too. You can't get a large group of girls together and like everyone. I had a pledge class of 28 and didn't like half of them for the whole 4 years. Guess what? I roomed with two of them when I went to med school and found out I was totally wrong about them. Your first impressions can be incorrect. (And they can color your impressions for years.) Stop thinking about the other preference party. Stop. It doesn't mean you should have picked that group, it just means that you are having a hard time and you think that it would be easier over there. It wouldn't be. You'd still have to work at making friends. You always have to work at making friends no matter what group you join. It's just easier for some people than for others. They just make it look effortless so you think it happens without any work. Like someone said in your other thread, you are bound for a year. You have already paid your dues. Hang out until initiation. If you don't feel it, don't get initiated. Until that time, give it your best shot, but that means forgetting the other group, not lamenting with your friends from other sororities, not judging your new sisters as vapid and really trying to get to know them beneath that layer of superficiality. You saw something in them at Pref. It is there, and you owe it to yourself to find out if you really belong there.

Maybe it's because I'm pretty sick of seeing, "should I drop" or "how do I go to the other sorority that dropped me because this chapter isn't the right fit for me" more often than not. You may think I am jumping down her throat. I won't apologize for that. Believe it or not--I knew her next response would be something like what she just posted. Rarely is it about money. Another thing is if it WAS about money, then it should have been addressed before accepting a bid. These young ladies work hard and go through a lot just to have women like this tell them that they aren't good enough to be their sisters.

Except she never said they weren't good enough to be her sisters. You supplied that for her.

I think you're getting a distorted view from atop that high horse you're riding.