Proper etiquette for approaching sorority alumnae?
 

I am curious as to what the proper etiquette would be to approach sorority alumnae for letters of recommendation. I have a list of people (friends, mutual friends, teachers etc) and I do plan on asking them for recommendations or if they know any sorority women. However, when the time does come, I am not sure how to go about approaching the sorority women.

I went to the local alumnae panhellenic meeting earlier this year so I made sure to get everything in check(just not the alumnae lol). I have my transcripts, resume as well as many photos taken by photographers.

I'm not sure how to approach a sorority woman for a letter of recommendation. My idea of approaching would be to email them and provide them with an already stamped and addressed envelope. And then a week or so later I would send them a thank you note of course thanking them for taking time out of their lives to write me a letter of recommendation.

I'm not sure if typically pnm's meet up with the sorority women for a one-on-one meeting. I'm willing to do it. I don't mind meeting up at a restaurant or cafe and paying for lunch or something, if they feel a meeting is needed to truly get to know me.

But ultimately the power falls in the rec writers hands I'll do whatever is convenient for her.

Advice?

Email may be an effective approach for the people you already know; but personally I would rather receive a phone call or in-person request even from young women I know. It's much more personal and I can easily describe what materials and the formats I will need them in to write the recommendation. With some sororities going completely digital in this process it can vary and I think at this point it's much better to confirm in a personal conversation.

I think a personal phone call is the only way to approach strangers you are asking of this favor. When I receive random emails (sometimes with loads of other women cc'ed) or even Facebook messages, I feel like the woman is not really trying hard and often these impersonal approaches can come off as rather entitled.

A simple call like "Hi Ms. XYZ. My name is Penelope PNM and I will be rushing at SEC U this fall. Ms. ABC is my drama teacher and will be writing an ABC recommendation for me and she suggested I contact you to discuss the possibility of recommending me for XYZ."

Definitely call her. An email asking when you can call her would be appropriate but the ask should not be done via email...but either in person or on the phone. People who email me when they know my phone number get put at the end of my line.

I don't get a ton of requests so I am OK with an email, even if we haven't met before. usually I will respond right away with one of three answers.
1) I'll write you back right away letting you know that I can't write a rec for you and will offer to refer you to someone else. Usually if I don't like you, know your school or some other reason.
2) I'll ask you for more info about yourself if you forgot to attach a photo, resume and instructions.
3) I'll send you a copy of the rec I have written and them send it to your school.

Definitely follow up in a week or two to make sure they have followed through on your request.

You send the PNM a copy of the rec? Can you do that? We aren't allowed to let non members see our form. Am surprised others do.

This is the first time I've heard of an alum sending the PNM a copy of her rec.

While non-members can see our RIF form (Google brought it up right away), what purpose does it serve to see what was written on the form?

And what if there is something negative in it...or at least not glowing?????

Or what if there's an error or an error of omission that makes the PNM feel it doesn't reflect her in the best possible light?

I've never of any sorority member doing this. It certainly has the potential to get -uh- messy.

In my mind, it's the same as a job reference. I will ask if there is something specific you want me to emphasize, and do so as long as I consider it accurate, and if I can't give you a positive reference for some reason, I will tell you. Beyond that, it's between me and the reference-checker.

I have never even let a student see a letter of recommendation that I've done for them. If it has to be included in a signle packet they have to submit, I seal the envelope and mark a slash across the seal so that someone can tell if it has been opened. No way I'd ever let someone read something like that.

I've already started the process of trying to obtain recs. I know a few alumnae personally who are going to do recs for me. These family friends are also nice enough to reach out to friends of other sororities to see if they will write a rec. I've also been in contact with the local alumnae association which requested I fill out a form, submit an electronic resume and photo. I've done all of that.

I already have thank yous planned for the alumnae I personally know. I really do appreciate their time and help. I asked the local alumnae association how I could reach out to their members to thank them if they write a rec for me. The contact said send her an email thank you and she'd forward it on. It seems so impersonal compared to a handwritten note and I don't want to be rude. Is that how other alumnae associations do it?

Obviously she isn't comfortable giving out their contact information or these people have asked for her not to. So, in that case, yes, an email would be fine. Or you could ask if you could send it to them c/o her and have her pass them on.