Should I rush?
 

I am a freshman at a decent-sized state university, and am considering rushing at the beginning of my sophomore year. What do I want to benefit from a sorority? Really good girl friends (I don't have many), great connections for the rest of my life, somewhere on campus I can call home, and the opportunity to meet a lot of really great people (I'm fairly shy). But as I observe the sorority girls from afar, they all seem somewhat stereotypical to me... Party non-stop, hate on other sororities, and are really judgmental. Granted, those are just the girls I've noticed at my school alone, but I'm worried 1) If I join I'll end up like them, which is totally not me. I'm really really laid back, free spirited, you know. And 2) that I'll put a lot of work into trying to impress houses for a week, only to be cut and not get asked back ANYWHERE. I have to admit, I'm a bigger girl (size 16, but I don't think I'm super-obese or ugly... I have a decent self-esteem level), but I've heard that sororities will cut people based on their size and their attractiveness to the fraternities. Which honestly, I don't even want to be apart of something like that.

I guess I'm still weighing my pros and cons, but was looking for advice or support thoughts. I have done some research on the sororities at my school, and my top 3 are Sigma Kappa, Alpha Gamma Delta, and Kappa Delta, though if I rush I will for sure keep an open mind. Thanks for your help!!!

What sort of research? What fraternities they date? Their GPAs? Their retention numbers? How many fireplaces their houses have? Honestly, this statement is the very opposite of "keeping an open mind."

If you're going to be upset if you "put a lot of work" into rush and maybe don't receive a bid to the group you like the best or any bid at all, maybe you should just skip it. It's not a class for school. You don't do X, Y and Z and get an expected result.

Already having a "top 3" is not keeping an open mind, especially since you have not visited any of the sororities yet.

If my sorority wanted to change who I was as a person, then I would have quit in a heartbeat - that is not the type of organization I would want to be a part of. My house is full of ALL types of women, and we have never pressured anyone to change to "fit in" - chances are the chapters at your school are similar, especially if they have a lot of members. Maybe you've only been exposed to "those" type of girls, the partiers and whatnot, which would sway your opinion.

While membership selection is private, I would certainly hope a chapter would not cut a girl based solely off her weight. As long as you carry yourself well and have confidence in yourself as a person, then I'm sure you will do well.


Just go for it, because if you don't go through then you'll always wonder what could have happened. Just go in with an OPEN mind (having a top three already does not coincide with having an open mind, by the way), be confident in yourself and trust the process. Enjoy the process, it can be so stressful but is definitely an experience to remember.

Good luck!

You're looking at the system as an outsider and not seeing the real deal. The process of rush is to find the right home for you. There may be chapters on your campus that are phenomenally shallow. You'll figure them out in a heartbeat. And if they do care that much about your weight, you'll get cut by them and you can focus on the chapters who have a real world view about women's sizes and shapes.

Unfortunately some girls do join a group (not just sororities, but any group of people) and mold themselves to fit what they think is the ideal for that group. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

Here's a homework assignment for you. Pretend you've just gone through the first round of rush and all 3 of your preferred chapters have cut you. You are NOT allowed to drop out. Your task is to find value in 3 more sororities that would be a good fit for you in the long term. Of course, you can only do this based on internet searches and talking to girls you know from classes, etc., but for our purposes here pretend that's enough info for a rush decision. Frankly, it's how you've made your decisions so far so it's not too much of a stretch. Then I'd probably go through that scenario again.

Then when it's time to go through rush, throw that all out the window, including what you've initially said was your preferred 3. Hopefully this task will have opened your mind to at least a longer list of preferred chapters, and ideally it will have taught you that every chapter there has some virtues.

What I meant by research was not "how many fireplaces they have in their house". I've looked at what they do for their philanthropies, because you know, that's a major part of a sorority, and I'd like to volunteer for something I at least somewhat care about. And I do think GPA's are important to an extent. I'm not paying for college so that I can drink and date boys.

Well, it sounds like you know everything already. That saves us the trouble of giving you any advice.

And here I was thinking for the last 5 years that being Greek was about the people. Guess I was wrong all these years.

Well, since you've done your research, why are you trolling GC and asking a bunch of random judgemental hateful party-girls?

Before you start complaining that you're getting all of these snarky responses, I'll go ahead and give you the benefit-of-the-doubt straight talk.

Your approach in your original post is all wrong - it mashes up a whole bunch of horrible stereotypes and pre-judging no-nos with your valid concerns. This makes us dismiss your valid concerns because we're so offended by the other things you've written.

From all of this, it sounds like you have a TERRIBLE opinion of sororities on your campus. This does not bode well for your future recruitment success, and I smell some major defensiveness.

Wow, now you've taken your terrible opinions, and then you've just pre-judged all of these women and have done exactly what GreekChat tells you NOT TO DO! Please read through the other posts for some advice on what having an "open mind" actually means.

For the record, that was sarcasm.

See, here you are being defensive again. To give you the benefit of the doubt (again), I'll just say that it's pretty impossible to do any kind of research on these chapters by just looking at their philanthropies and whatnot. You need to get to know the women. Every sorority has a philanthropy, mission statements, history, values, etc. Some chapters of XYZ sorority are really involved with their philanthropy, but some aren't. Some chapters of XYZ have really boy-crazy members. Some don't. Again, you absolutely, positively NEED to get to know these women through school and recruitment to get an idea of where you'll fit.

Now, on to the more constructive work - As a sophomore, you'll have a harder time going through recruitment at a lot of schools. It also sounds like you don't know many women in the Greek system, which could be another strike against you as a sophomore (connections are always important). Recruitment is a time consuming and emotional process - it just is. If you are going to do it, though, you might as well prepare like you mean it. Get letters of recommendation, meet Greek women, get flattering outfits for the recruitment parties and do your hair and makeup. If your resume and GPA need boosting, do it now.

Good luck.

Philanthropies and how members work for them vary WIDELY from chapter to chapter. One of my sorority's philanthropies is based near one of our chapters, so they get to do a lot of hands-on work with it. The majority of our chapters might as well be on the moon, so their involvement is mainly monetary. Also, some chapters are just plain way into it, some not at all. This is something you really don't know until you meet the women.

As far as GPA, it's pointless out of context. ABC might have an overall 3.8 and XYZ might have an overall 3.0, but when you find out that almost all the girls in XYZ are science or engineering majors (as opposed to ABC's bigger mix of majors) it kind of shoots the thought that ABC is smarter or works harder than XYZ. Again, you don't know this until you meet the women.

Also, philanthropy is not the same as service. In some chapters, they do a big fundraiser for their national philanthropy, but the fundraiser has nothing to do with the cause itself, thematically.