Sisterhood please help
 

Hi all,

I need your help. I'm a chapter advisor and the girls do not seem to be getting along lately. I don't want to go into details but there have been many incidents this semester of girls not getting along, disobeying rule, etc. I want to address the issues but I want to make sure my message is effective. I plan on speaking with them but was also wondering if anyone had any activity or program ideas to help get the girls all on one page and understand the true meaning of sisterhood.

Thanks!

Is the chapter an Inter/National sorority? If so, you should have access to information and programming from your HQ as well as advisers of other chapters. I'm sure other chapters have had this problem!

It is a national sorority and I have researched several ideas provided to me by FHQ. I have also talked to several advisors of other chapters but have not found what Im looking for yet.

Do you have any idea what is causing the problem? Chapter financial stress? Numbers stress? A couple of bad apples? Lack of leadership? Any ideas?

I know some of it is seniority is and some of it is girls just not getting along and talking bad about each other.

Some of what you can do would be ritual review and review of the founder's stories. Remind them of the vows they took and how they are breaking those vows with their behavior(s)

If you meant senioritis, they've been around long enough to be able to receive a stern word about either sucking it up and playing along or keep to themselves for the next 3 months. If that IS the case, I probably wouldn't make a chapter-wide thing out of it.

2nd semester of my senior year was BRUTAL and sisterly was probably not one of my main descriptors. I was taking a huge load of classes so I could graduate at the end of the summer. Adding job search stress, life change stress, a guy I had a huge crush on who didn't know I was alive AND living with 50 women, well, it adds up. And having a chapter wide meeting to deal with me and the 3 or 4 other girls who were probably in the same boat wouldn't have done the rest of the chapter much good, unless it was about stress management or a just for fun get together.

But I still remember a great activity we had (I don't recall if it was in this time frame) where the intended purpose was self-esteem I suppose. We had to write a positive word about ourselves on a big sheet of paper and dance around to "I am Woman." Dorky? Oh my god yes. But it stands out as a very fun and freeing activity. And getting girls to laugh together can go a long way toward rebuilding some bridges.

Do you not have a standards board/honor council? Members who are bringing you down need to be dealt with or the problem will get worse. None of us know whether you are just at the point to where you need to ensure that your standards/honor council mechanism is working or whether you need to contact your higher ups to do a membership review.

If you do nothing, the problem won't go away. You have some decisions to make. That's why you get paid the big bucks.

You know what? Girls don't get along and they talk bad about each other. If the problem is really severe, you need to step in, but in general, gossip and cliques are pretty much a normal part of any large social structure.

Here's a couple ideas for activities that might help set a more sisterly tone:

- Have the whole chapter sit in a circle. Each girl has a blank sheet of paper and a pen. Have each girl write her name on the top of her sheet of paper. Then, have each girl pass her paper to the right. She then has one minute to write something positive about the sister whose paper she just was passed...it can be a particular memory she has of that sister, a quality that sister has that she admires, kudos for things that sister has done for the sorority, etc. She sign under her comment, or she can leave it anonymous. After the minute is up, everyone passes to the right again and starts over with the new sheet she was passed; continue until everyone has her own paper back. We did this in my chapter once and everyone loved it so much that it became a semesterly tradition. A fun twist on this is to use pretty colored or patterned paper and pens (maybe even in sorority colors?); sisters could frame them and hang them in their rooms as a constant reminder of the support of sisterhood and an instant pick-me-up when things aren't going well.

- Split the chapter up into groups of 3. One girl stands in the center and the other two girls stand on either side of her so that they are each basically facing one of her ears. When someone starts a clock, the two side girls each whisper as many nice things as they can think of in the ears of the center girl at the same time for a whole minute. So, the girl in the center has the two girls on the side each whispering different nice things in each of her ears for a minute. After the minute is up, the girls rotate spots so that a side girl is in the center that time; rotate a third time so that the third girl gets a chance to be in the center too.

Sometimes, all it takes to jumpstart a positive sisterhood environment is for each member to be reminded that she is valued and loved by her sisters. This won't solve every problem, but it may help you all get to a point where there's a more positive and productive attitude toward working out your chapter's problems. Good luck!

Man, I feel like how you should approach this will really depend on what the issues are.

But, in general, here are some of my favorite activities:
-"Pass the candle / candle passing" - the whole chapter sits in a darkened room, and passes around a lit pillar candle (something that can stay lit for a long time). As each woman gets the candle, she has some time to discuss her personal difficulties/thoughts/feelings/what the chapter means to her/etc. Hopefully, this should become very personal and allow the women to understand and empathize with their sisters better.
-"Silent Appreciation" - Have half the chapter sit in a circle with eyes closed. One person reads a list of commands for the other half of the chapter: "Touch someone on the shoulder who... inspires you, is brilliant, is creative, is kind, has been kind to you, is a role model to you, etc. etc." Let the women touch as many women on the shoulder anonymously as they wish for each item. Switch the chapter.
-Chubby Bunny - it's a contest to see who can fit the most marshmallows in their mouth and still say "chubby bunny". Start with one marshmallow with the whole chapter, then go to two marshmallows, etc. Sounds stupid, but I guarantee that everyone will be in hysterics by the end.

Other random recommendations:
-In general, see how you can make the activities of the chapter more streamlined and beneficial for members. If the leadership of the chapter isn't doing a very good job, that could mean that scheduling is done haphazardly, or that the required enrichment/risk management activities are poorly planned and uninspiring.
-I think whenever you highlight similarities is good - maybe an activity where women group up by similar career interests to discuss their goals and why they have these goals, group up by majors, by fears (especially fun ones like falling, spiders and cotton balls), by favorites, etc.
-A general conflict resolution course of some kind would probably do a lot of good for most chapters: cover the basics of expressing how a certain comment/action made you feel, rather than accusing the other person, use lots of "I feel" and "I felt" statements; maybe establish some ground rules for women to address serious concerns they have with others (through an advisor or something)
-Pull aside some of the leaders of the chapter and talk to them individually to find their perspective and ask their advice. Getting influential individuals on board with setting a good example can be very powerful, and it'll be more effective if you use some of their suggestions and honestly hear their concerns/ideas.
-Take an honest assessment if you have some women who are truly bad eggs or risk management dangers - sometimes the chapter needs to see that, as an organization, you're serious about your standards of conduct. If there are women who truly need sanctions, then issues those sanctions.
-Assess the situations why the chapter is where it is: Is the chapter recruiting women for superficial reasons, rather than recruiting strong members who share ideals and personalities? Is the new membership program not instilling the organization's standards (and re-enforcing them with proper behavior from the rest of the chapter) well enough? Is there generally a dumpy attitude about the direction of the chapter? Is there a particular group of women with a bad attitude? See how you can prevent this situation in the future.

Good luck!

We do that, but with the sergeant-at-arms' gavel instead.

This is actually quite dangerous.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that had RM flags going off.

Mkay, skip it. It involves stuffing as many marshmallows into your mouth, so there's always some risk of choking.