Diet Rules
 

RULES FOR THIS DIET:

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the diet soda cancels out the calories in the candy bar.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. (Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.)

7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.

9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. (Examples: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.)

10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)

Remember, "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts."

for some reason, i think things don't have calories when i just eat them in the pantry. Like opening a bag of chips and eating it in/by the pantry has no calories, but if i took the chips out/put them on a plate/sit down and eat them it does have calories.
yeah, i know.

Round carbs don't count. A zero is round ...

This includes:
- donuts
- bagels
- cupcakes
- beer (it is served in a round glass)
- wine (ditto)
- martinis (ditto)
- coffee, tea, and hot chocolate (ditto, although this would be a round mug rather than a glass)

I love the rationale behind these diet tips!

Tonight instead of having my usual salad at Panera I got the cream of chicken soup. I figured, "it's not like I actually cooked something with cream in it. It was just already there!" ;)

All calories consumed while crying actually negate other calories - they're just that powerful!

If you don't know how many calories are in it, they don't count!

I just said this to someone a couple of hours ago. :p
And I said this at dinner last night (because the menu, THANK GOD, did not have the calories listed like most menus do now. That totally sucks the fun out of the meal IMO.

I just read this to my roommate. I feel like this is going to get printed and added to our Wall of Awesome.

I ate my way from one end of the city to the other but, since I was on vacation this weekend, the calories didn't count. :cool: