GreekChat.com Forums - Dating Club 4 Men

This is something I feel that most men should get involved with. The article was good, and very well written. Here’s a brotha who’s been married for 15 years, who’s obviously over it. I got married twice, and it’s obviously something I’m not particularly good a. So, just like that brotha, I’m over it, too. I always laugh at people that say they marry because they crave intimacy. These folks never stop and think that there are some things that you don’t want to know. Well, get your mind around this: your wife? She farts in her sleep, man so loud, you’ll duck. And she doesn’t always smell like Chanel No. 5, but then neither do you, Musty McCrusty. Welcome to intimacy. All that in, I still think there is a case to be made for and against the whole love and marriage dealy, especially with a sistah.

Pro: It’s nice to have someone to come home to.
Con: When you get married, it’s hard to have your own space.

Pro: No more one night stands.
Con: Sex either comes in heavy waves or not at all.

Pro: It’s nice belonging to someone.
Con: Codependence can be unhealthy and scary.

Pro: Being single sucks.
Con: You get a lot pussy when you’re single.

Pro: It’s noble to dedicate yourself to one woman for the rest of your life.
Con: The rest of your life, God willing, is a long time to be with one person.

Pro: Married life has a quieting predictability.
Con: Married life has a quieting predictability.

Pro: When marriage works, it’s the most wonderful thing in the world.
Con: There is no way to know if your marriage will go the distance.

Pro: If it doesn’t work out, you can always get divorced.
Con: Gunshots are less painful than divorce.

Pro: You find someone to bear children with.
Con: Getting married to have children, or because of them, is basically asking for divorce.

Pro: You’ll never be lonely again.
Con: When you are married to the wrong person, marriage can be very lonely.

Pro: You split the bills.
Con: Your mate may nor work for the white man. Which means she doesn’t work, unless she’s in the kitchen cooking, or cleaning the house.

Pro: Guaranteed home cooked meals, and a quick fuck after dinner.
Con: This assumes nobody can cook, and the cooking is edible..

Pro: All your friends are doing it.
Con: Who cares?

Pro: You finally have some stability in your life.
Con: Nothing is as unstable as marriage.

Pro: Free jewelry.
Con: Can’t think of one just now.

Pro: Marriage, failed or not, teaches you a lot of hard lessons.
Con: Marriage, failed or not, teaches you a lot of hard lessons.

The first lesson I learned about marriage I learned while me and my ex were dating: always trust your instincts, especially with a sistah. When I met my second ex, she was free –she had a fuck buddy, but nobody staking a claim –and that should have tipped me off immediately. Why is this fine, intelligent black woman virtually alone? Some folks are alone by choice, and that’s cool for you, because you can tell right up front they’re sick. No normal person, given a choice, wants to live life alone –that’s a life of Ex-Lax, multiple cats, and Matlock. People are alone normally because they’re fucked up, and nobody can deal with that shit for longer that it takes to bust a nutt, get dressed and leave. T’yeah!

Second lesson I learned: recognize girls with more game than you. I thought my exes were suburbanites who couldn’t compete with my club-tested ghetto-approved, street legalese. I don’t know how I could have been more wrong. They were sophisticated players in their own right with long, internationally known reputations. I got taken down by love. Very early on, I was in love. I know because I’d been around it a bit. See, love had come and gone, and love and I went to the same parties and danced at the same clubs: we’d even shared cocktails after hours. I knew love pretty well. I’d been smitten and bitten by a sistah before and come out on top, so if I resolved to avoid it, it wasn’t going to happen. Not to me. But it did and took me under in short order. Lenny Kravitz said, “Let Love Rule.” My ass. Keep your head on straight so you can see game from the curb.

The third lesson I learned is that love doesn’t pay the rent or fire ambitions. Somebody has to have a job and/or an ambition to have more in life. While poverty has its own distinct romanticism and there is nothing sweeter than starting at the bottom and ending up on top, not everyone is feeling that approach. Not when the bills come due.

Right after I took my vows, everything changed. Those sistahs went from being my partner to being my owners, my adversaries. See, this is what a sistah will do, because of her aggressive independent nature. A sistah will whip yo’ ass if you let her. Have you ever been bitch slapped by a sistah? It ain’t pretty, that shit hurts. Kissing the bride was like firing the starting gun of a race to divorce court, it seems. Sistahs are smarter than brothas in every way –I say a lot, and it’s true. Especially emotionally, women have a greater grasp. I wasn’t ready for the disappointment, the rejection, the feeling of being disposable and replaceable. I never thought I would hurt the way I did, or bruise so easily. I did. Sistahs can mask their pain. I, on the other hand, have a hard time pretending I wouldn’t like to be in love again. Not that those sistahs were the loves of a lifetime, but they were supposed to be. When you give that away and it boomerangs back and knocks you to the ground enough times, you learn that’s the game you’d rather not play. See, I am no Denzel Washington, like sistahs want every brotha to be, and I could never be. I can only be myself, and hope that’s enough. It will be for a white woman or an Asian, but not a sistah.