Tossing Out Bids
 

In Scrapcat's thread, she was mentioning that several girls who rushed with her oldest daughter "tossed out" their bids because they only wanted one house. I have heard several times in the last month that that's getting common. Have any of y'all heard anything about that? Especially by girls aiming for one group?

:confused: No different than not showing up at bid day, or declining a bid at your door/at the student center/wherever you find out who bid you. The result is the same. Stupid people are stupid.

This is getting common around here. I believe it is the result of the computer system where girls are encouraged to maximize their options. Girls who would have "suicided" one house really only want that one house after prefs, but list all of their choices in the hopes that if they aren't at the top of the list they will get a bid by quota addition. Then, when they don't get what they want when the bids are passed out, they refuse their bid.

Some of it is because of preconceived notions, tent talk, chapters where they had a friend or a legacy and assumed they had an in, some they just had to have a bid.

(As an aside, it is just as upsetting to see legacy's mom standing next to her on bid day and saying, "just take it. take it. They are a great group of girls, too." and PNM sobbing and tossing it away, as legacy mom pitching a fit because PNM didn't get a bid to her legacy.)

What factors cause quota to be set lower, HQWest? I'm not familiar with this aspect.

My campus delivers bids by decorating your door and leaving your bid day shirt and envelope while PNMs are sequestered in the student center. I came back to find my Chi O bid, and the girl across the hall from me had one too! I said something along the lines of "We're going to be sisters!" And she was just like "No...I'm not doing it." She took down the decoration and went to hide in her room. I thought it was really rude and closed-minded, and it tempered my bid day excitement a little bit.

It is fairly common for several sororities on my campus to bid quota but lose quite a few during the NM period, which is really unfortunate IMO- and most of it is from women refusing to even give their GLO a try, there are very few who try it genuinely aren't happy.

PNMs reading this, always always give your new org a try! They want you and are excited to have you. You may be surprised at how much you love your new chapter in non-recruitment mode.

I like you, HannahXO.

Oh, I meant the same thing. No matter how you decline it, you turned down a bid!

Thanks AzTheta! :D

I'm new to posting here, so I don't want what I'm about to ask to come off as combativie. I truly am curious, and that's it.

On one hand, I see young ladies being referred to as "stupid" for declining a bid to a house they really don't feel they are a good fit for. On the other hand, I have seen threads where PNMs are encouraged to "maximize your options" and "keep an open mind". What is the best route for a PNM, then? Should she keep an open mind all the way through pref and if, after attending pref, she really can't see herself in a certain chapter, not list them on her bid card? What if that means suiciding? Isn't that also frowned upon here? But isn't the PNM who just wants letters also frowned upon? It just seems as though there is conflicting advice. On one hand, don't just want to be in any house for the sake of wanting letters. On the other hand, don't suicide because that's not keeping an open mind. But if you don't suicide and get a bid to a house you don't want, then you're being stupid if you decline it. I'm sure this is confusing to PNMs.

Again, not combative at all; just honestly looking for your take. I rushed in 1996 on campus that wasn't competitive at all so a lot of this is new to me. I am a member of an NPC and have been following this site for quite some time but only recently began posting. I'm also now pursuing membership in Beta Sigma Phi.

Why is this such a big source of supposed "misunderstanding" on the part of anyone? A PNM can potentially get a bid from ANY chapter she lists on her preference card. If you'd rather not be in a sorority that potentially have to claim yourself as a NM of Alpha Beta, then don't list them on the pref card. And if you don't get your fave or your second fave, well that's too bad. Buck up and deal. You takes your chances. That's how it works. Simple.

I understand your theory HQWest but I don't think that's really rooted in fact. Even though the majority of PNMs do get a bid from the group they listed as their first preference, there have always been and will always be PNMs that will not get a bid from their first choice. A smaller number will not be placed with their second choice. And all groups, even the most "popular" on any given campus, have NMs who don't initiate for a variety of reasons- financial, time, lack of support from their family or boyfriend, a decision to transfer schools, get involved in other activities or they decide it's just not for them for whatever reason.

Disagree. If you're such a twit that you wouldn't even give the group a chance, you don't deserve to be a sorority member. If my legacy behaved that way, I'd be mortified. While everyone can understand the twinge of disappointment that your daughter did not join your sorority, if you didn't prepare yourself and her for that possibility (heck maybe probability considering the odds) before she signed up for recruitment you did not do yourself or your daughter due diligence.

I believe in maximizing options to a point but I loathe forcing women to go to prefs they don't want to attend and then penalizing them if they don't list them. By the time a PNM gets to prefs, she should have a feel for a group or not (I think I started a thread on forced prefs a few years back).

Forced prefs can also hurt sororities; they can have full pref parties because of that and then end up with few to no new members. I can't imagine the shock of a recruitment chair who had full pref parties and then receives an empty new member list.

Each girl knows how far she can "stretch". If she gets her second or third choice and thinks maybe it's do-able even though her heart is broken, she could try it. If she gets a bid that's a no-way, like in the thread we had on bids that people sometimes get from a sorority they haven't seen in 3 rounds, the no one should be dumping on her for turning it down.

PNMs: try to be open but you know where your limits are.

Yes, it is very important to keep an open mind during recruitment and maximize your options. ALL NPC orgs (since we're talking about NPC recruitment) are great groups. And when it comes down to pref night, PNMs have an important decision to make. Is there a chapter that a PNM truly could NEVER see herself being a part of for some reason? What is that reason? Is there a chance her opinion could change after getting to know these women as sisters, without the pressures of recruitment? SIPing (suiciding) is generally seen as a bad idea, and that is because PNMs often aren't aware of how they might actually fit into a chapter. They have never been in a sorority, and don't know what it will be like to be part of that sisterhood. A PNM who SIPs may be precluding herself from a lifetime of membership in a great organization just because she had a few awkward conversations during recruitment. So, continuing to have an open mind through the NM period is key. If a woman has honestly given her chapter a try and doesn't feel comfortable being initiated, that's fine.

Hopefully that answered your question! You're right, it is tricky.

See, this is why I think that it is okay for PNM's to suicide a chapter. If they KNOW they are going to turn down a bid, what is the point in maximizing their options? The next day when they get their bid, they just toss it aside. Meanwhile, another girl didn't receive a bid at all when she gladly would have accepted the bid that the first pnm didn't accept.
One of my good friends didn't receive a bid at all last year during recruitment. She had a favorite chapter who cut her. A girl in my recruitment group got a bid to that said chapter, and didn't accept the bid because she only wanted the other house she preffed. I just wanted to shake her and say, WHY DIDN'T YOU SUICIDE THEN? If you would rather not be in a sorority, that bid could have gone to someone who wanted it!

I think the argument about "maximizing your options" is that these girls, having the grades, the extra-curriculars, etc., have likely been very successful in their lives up to now, and they are getting their first taste of rejection. If we push push push them to stay with it, they are likely to be happy where they end up IF they are willing to accept that there are only so many places in a new member class, and all of the sororities, even the smallest, have virtues. Yes, they should SIP if there is no way they would accept the bid for whatever reason. But recruitment isn't life and once that craziness is over, most people won't know or care which chapter you're in and where they're ranked on campus. The trick is talking an 18 year old into that when she's hearing girls talk about how HORRIBLE that house is and how they'd sooner DIE than wear those letters. I firmly believe if you could nip that, there are a lot of chapters on a lot of campuses that would have vastly different outcomes. Unfortunately, on a lot of campuses you can't fast-forward to the week after recruitment to show the girls that life goes happily on, even for the mid- to lower tier chapters. There's no opportunity to rectify a childish mistake.

What would be the alternative? A pref party is just like every other recruitment event- it's a chance to be introduced to the sorority members and to introduce yourself. You are just getting a chance to get to know them a little better. Yes it's more formal and serious. Attending the party is not making a commitment to list that group on your pref card or initiate.

The "penalty" if that's what you want to call it (I'd call it potential consequence) is that if a PNM lists a group on he pref card, she may potentially get a bid from that group, and if she turns it down, she can not participate in recruitment for one year. A PNM is not going to get a bid from a group she has not seen in 3 rounds unless she lists that group. That would be a very unusual circumstance.

"stupid" might be a harsh way of describing someone who turns down a bid. Even if a PNM is going through recruitment at a school with 15 or more chapters she has only spent a few hours max at recruitment parties. To turn down a bid is just shortsighted and that's why I used the word twit. Give it a chance. If you listed them on your pref card and you can't pursue membership elsewhere for a full year, what do you have to lose? Nothing but the chance to have letters and sisters for life. Isn't that why you signed up in the first place?