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-   -   Want to join after declining a bid (https://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=120379)

TXgirl082011 06-25-2011 02:34 PM
Want to join after declining a bid
 
I know this is really bad, but I went through formal recruitment two years ago, received a bid from tri-sigma, accepted it, (I'll spare you the details) but things started to fall apart and I freaked out and told them I couldn't do it the same night. I instantly regreted it and went back to the house but everyone was off taking pictures and I didn't know what to do so I left. Later in the semester I talked to the president at the time and we met up at the house to hang out and she told me I should go back through formal next year because I wouldn't enjoy the new member process going through solo. I ended up not being able to go through the next year because of family issues then I graduated early. So now I'm 22 and in graduate shool with two years left and I've been told I'm eligible to do recruitment because a chapter on campus takes grad students, and its Sigma.

So, I guess my question is do I go through like I've never done it before or do I mention to the girls I talk to during the first round that I accepted a bid and kind of explain what all happened. The girls that I really remember have graduated but I know a few that went through rush with me are still there, and most likely some that I didn't get to meet during the formal recruitment rounds.

Sigma is the only house I am eligible for which I think is good because when I went through the first time I really only connected with this chapter. I know a lot changes in two years, and even though I'm not eligible and will be auto cut from the other houses I'm still going to be nice, and go through the whole process. (I know that sounds bad too but I hate when people think something doesn't matter and act rude because it isn't going to affect them.

I know this really hurts my chances and being a grad student probably doesn't help, but if this happened at your chapter how would you guys respond?

Sorry it's so long, and thanks for any insight.

KSUViolet06 06-25-2011 03:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TXgirl082011 (Post 2065568)
I know this is really bad, but I went through formal recruitment two years ago, received a bid from tri-sigma, accepted it, (I'll spare you the details) but things started to fall apart and I freaked out and told them I couldn't do it the same night. I instantly regreted it and went back to the house but everyone was off taking pictures and I didn't know what to do so I left. Later in the semester I talked to the president at the time and we met up at the house to hang out and she told me I should go back through formal next year because I wouldn't enjoy the new member process going through solo. I ended up not being able to go through the next year because of family issues then I graduated early. So now I'm 22 and in graduate shool with two years left and I've been told I'm eligible to do recruitment because a chapter on campus takes grad students, and its Sigma.

So, I guess my question is do I go through like I've never done it before or do I mention to the girls I talk to during the first round that I accepted a bid and kind of explain what all happened. The girls that I really remember have graduated but I know a few that went through rush with me are still there, and most likely some that I didn't get to meet during the formal recruitment rounds.

Sigma is the only house I am eligible for which I think is good because when I went through the first time I really only connected with this chapter. I know a lot changes in two years, and even though I'm not eligible and will be auto cut from the other houses I'm still going to be nice, and go through the whole process. (I know that sounds bad too but I hate when people think something doesn't matter and act rude because it isn't going to affect them.

I know this really hurts my chances and being a grad student probably doesn't help, but if this happened at your chapter how would you guys respond?

Sorry it's so long, and thanks for any insight.
Let me see if I understand this correctly:

You went through and declined a bid 2 years ago.

You are now in grad school at the SAME school and interested in joining Sigma again?

Some things to note about Tri Sigma and graduate students: Tri Sigma recently changed its bylaws re: graduate students. Sigma only allows graduate students to pledge if the SCHOOL considers grad students eligible to participate in recruitment (some schools state that only undergaduate women are eligible.)

With that said, just because Sigma is permitted to extend bids to graduate students, doesn't mean they will choose to extend you one. Also, getting a bid 2 years ago, doesn't = a guaranteed bid now. There are different women in the chapter than there were 2 years ago. It also depends on the campus culture. At some schools, chapters just don't take grad students even if permitted.

In a nutshell, I can't say what a chapter will/won't do. Best of luck to you, though.

TXgirl082011 06-25-2011 03:42 PM
Yes, I am at the same school. I was told that my the local bylaws have to say I am eligible as a grduate student, and this particular chapter says its ok, so I have be cleared to articipate in this years formal recruitment by my school.

I know things are different with new girls and opinions and just because I received a bid before doesn't mean I'll get one again. I'm just not sure how I should go about recruitment would it be better to just own up and let the girls know I did accept a bid and change my mind or if I shouldn't even mention it.

There is an optional section on the recruitment registration form that asks if you've went through formal recruitment before, do I fill it out or leave it blank.

I didn't get one before, but should I try to get a recommendation letter from a local alumae chapter?

They might not even consider me because I am a grad student and the girls may decide on a freshman, but I really regret not joining, and I have to atleast try again.

KSUViolet06 06-25-2011 03:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TXgirl082011 (Post 2065578)
Yes, I am at the same school. I was told that my the local bylaws have to say I am eligible as a grduate student, and this particular chapter says its ok, so I have be cleared to articipate in this years formal recruitment by my school.

I know things are different with new girls and opinions and just because I received a bid before doesn't mean I'll get one again. I'm just not sure how I should go about recruitment would it be better to just own up and let the girls know I did accept a bid and change my mind or if I shouldn't even mention it.

There is an optional section on the recruitment registration form that asks if you've went through formal recruitment before, do I fill it out or leave it blank.

I didn't get one before, but should I try to get a recommendation letter from a local alumae chapter?

They might not even consider me because I am a grad student and the girls may decide on a freshman, but I really regret not joining, and I have to atleast try again.
If you've been through recruitment before, do not lie. Fill out the section on the form and say you have.

Also, if this was just 2 years ago, there are likely active women still in school who already know you went through recruitment.

I doubt you'll have to tell someone you previously accepted a bid, as someone (or one of the advisors) will know probably recognize your name as someone who has accepted/declined before.

You could try to secure a rec. Small note: recs don't = guaranteed bids.

Again, this is one of those things where you can't say what will happen. I'd prepare for the possibility of not receiving a bid (just because 2 years is a long time and the chapter may be different now), but you never know.

katydidKD 06-25-2011 03:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TXgirl082011 (Post 2065568)
I know this is really bad, but I went through formal recruitment two years ago, received a bid from tri-sigma, accepted it, (I'll spare you the details) but things started to fall apart and I freaked out and told them I couldn't do it the same night. I instantly regreted it and went back to the house but everyone was off taking pictures and I didn't know what to do so I left. Later in the semester I talked to the president at the time and we met up at the house to hang out and she told me I should go back through formal next year because I wouldn't enjoy the new member process going through solo. I ended up not being able to go through the next year because of family issues then I graduated early. So now I'm 22 and in graduate shool with two years left and I've been told I'm eligible to do recruitment because a chapter on campus takes grad students, and its Sigma.

So, I guess my question is do I go through like I've never done it before or do I mention to the girls I talk to during the first round that I accepted a bid and kind of explain what all happened. The girls that I really remember have graduated but I know a few that went through rush with me are still there, and most likely some that I didn't get to meet during the formal recruitment rounds.

Sigma is the only house I am eligible for which I think is good because when I went through the first time I really only connected with this chapter. I know a lot changes in two years, and even though I'm not eligible and will be auto cut from the other houses I'm still going to be nice, and go through the whole process. (I know that sounds bad too but I hate when people think something doesn't matter and act rude because it isn't going to affect them.

I know this really hurts my chances and being a grad student probably doesn't help, but if this happened at your chapter how would you guys respond?

Sorry it's so long, and thanks for any insight.
Sorry to crash this thread, but why didn't you go back the next day after you got your bid? I don't know how big the pledge class was, but I'm sure they (the new members) may have not even noticed, and if the president was willing later in the semester, im sure she would've been even more willing the next day.

Barbie's_Rush 06-25-2011 04:07 PM
Why did you delete the thread you posted about this situation yesterday? You know, the one where you explained that the reason you didn't join wAs because your boyfriend didn't want you to?

I'm sure the sisters of Tri-Sigma will welcome with open arms a GRAD student who previously turned down her bid because a boy told her to.

TXgirl082011 06-25-2011 04:18 PM
Honestly, I guess, I was just too embarassed to go back a second time. I was crying, my make up was everywhere, and I was just a mess. (My bf broke up with me when I told him I joined) and the next day/weeks just weren't any better and I couldn't see myself going back and explaining all this without bursting back into tears LOL Once I pulled myself together I figured it was too late. Then one day I saw a girl from the chapter I met during the rounds and she was super nice to me so I figured I'd give it a shot, and thats how I ended up talking to the president I had met during recruitment. I never fully explained myself but she seemed to understand, and thats just made me want to go back even more.

TXgirl082011 06-25-2011 04:19 PM
I deleted it because I felt it gave away the school I was attending.

TXgirl082011 06-25-2011 04:24 PM
Sorry to make 2 replies but, going through recruitment again I won't have a problem sharing that I let my bf breaking up with me affect my decision to join, I have dealt with that. Like I mentioned before, I let it get to me and simply freaked out.

KSUViolet06 06-25-2011 04:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TXgirl082011 (Post 2065586)
Honestly, I guess, I was just too embarassed to go back a second time. I was crying, my make up was everywhere, and I was just a mess. (My bf broke up with me when I told him I joined) and the next day/weeks just weren't any better and I couldn't see myself going back and explaining all this without bursting back into tears LOL Once I pulled myself together I figured it was too late. Then one day I saw a girl from the chapter I met during the rounds and she was super nice to me so I figured I'd give it a shot, and thats how I ended up talking to the president I had met during recruitment. I never fully explained myself but she seemed to understand, and thats just made me want to go back even more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TXgirl082011 (Post 2065587)
I deleted it because I felt it gave away the school I was attending.
You probably should have tried to repledge at some point between then and grad school. Your bid was technically good for a year from the date you depledged (if you actually accepted and then declined later.) As far as being a grad student: consider whether you will have time as a grad student to devote to Sigma. Chapters aren't likely to pledge someone if they think they'll pledge to get letters and drop off the face of the planet and quit.

Splash 06-25-2011 05:01 PM
Getting a rec can't hurt. It might show them you're really interested.

Barbie's_Rush 06-25-2011 05:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TXgirl082011 (Post 2065587)
I deleted it because I felt it gave away the school I was attending.
Really?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2ndchance
I'll tyr to keep this short. I went throught recruitment as an undergrad, received a bid from Tri Sigma, later that night I told them I couldn't do it. I had told my bf i got in adn he made some really bad comments so I changed my yes to a no. Well i finally realized how horrible that relationship was, am no longer wtih him, adn in graduate school. i have been told I can go through formal recruitment this Fall but I am only eligible to join Tri-Sigma and not the other 3 because they don't accept grad students. I have 2 years of grad school left. I will have either a 3.5 or 3.75 GPA b the end of this summer. My final undergraduate GPA was a 3.1something.

Any advice for going through a second time? Do I tell them why I changed my mind the first time around (about two years ago) because of "controlling" boyfriend? Sould I suicide big for Tri Sigma or just list it as #1 of the 4 sororities at my school. It was always my first pick and still would be even if I was eligible for the others. I can't remember how much time you actually talk to people on the first day, I know its fast and you trade people, would I have time to really explain what hapened the first time with the bid? Will I count towards their quota or will I be a freebe?

33girl 06-26-2011 11:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TXgirl082011 (Post 2065568)
Later in the semester I talked to the president at the time and we met up at the house to hang out and she told me I should go back through formal next year because I wouldn't enjoy the new member process going through solo.
Hmmmm, says Bobby Goren.

http://www.thereelvincentdonofrio.co...images/201.jpg

Personally, I think this was the president's way of putting you off and hoping another sorority would take you after your bid to them was expired. JMO.


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