Personal ad gripe. Who should pay? Him or her? He's not worthy if he doesn't pay?
 

I was a bit disturbed at what I was reading on the thread about the personal ads. That's some ol' bullshit. I have to ask this. What's wrong with going dutch on a first date? Why do dudes have to pay for everything? Why is he not a gentleman if he doesn't pay? I don't pay for the first date, we can go dutch. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I believe this to be true in most cases. How do yall feel about this. Agree? Disagree? Is it some ol' bullshit? For real.

Dear troll, SHUT UP.

For real tho? Answer the question.


Wtf is a troll?

Yes, no, you are crazy.

QFP.

The stereotype that a man's heart is linked to his stomach has nothing to do with your rhetorical questions. You and your dates will work out the payment system. There are women who don't care whether a man pays. At the same time, there are men who get outraged and feel as though women are shrinking their scrotum if we pay or even offer to pay. Figure it out.

/ignoring that this may be troll

You should always pay for the first date as compensation for the accidental sex. You never know where that penis will end up.

LOL.

By the way, I forgot that women are prostitutes. Pay for dinner and you might get some. If you don't get some on the first date, you better get some by the third date. If you don't, it's the same as paying a prostitute who refuses to fulfill her end of the bargain. Don't let these prostitutes/women do this to you. Forget sex workers' rights which are synonymous with women's rights. Get yours.

And women who pay the tab either don't want your sex and wish you'd go away; or consider you the prostitute. Don't be her prostitute, women were born to be your prostitutes. Smack dat ass.

Oh gods, it would be funny if people didn't think it were true :(

Troll or not, I had a huge issue with this during my latest personal ad sojourn.

I would much, MUCH rather go dutch or pay every other date. I tried this and the dude got offended. I'm not trying to emasculate him, I just don't like to be beholden to anyone - especially someone who I just met.

If the guy has that much of an issue about me buying him a f'ing beer (and I don't even mean a damn microbrew for crying out loud) it doesn't say gentleman to me, it says controlling jerk.

I almost always make the gesture of getting my wallet out. 9 times out of 10, he says "I have it" and I don't make an issue out of it. With The Talker, after he paid for dinner and movie tickets on our second date, I offered to cover concessions at the movies and he declined. The next few dates, I didn't make a gesture. I wanted to see him for a quick dinner on Thursday and I picked up the check when the waitress dropped it at the table. He said "I'll get that" and I told him "Look, we're in this thing together, you don't have to shoulder the burden every time" and he smiled and said "Ok". Ultimately, eventually, it should be a partnership in my eyes.

After a while, I feel kind of weird letting him pay all the time. I belong to a private club--if it's getting serious, I don't mind taking a date there so he can see what he's getting into with me. :D Everything is automatically charged to my account so I can say, "Oh, it's on me...seriously. It's already paid for. Let's go."

Also, if he's visibly intimidated or makes weird assumptions about me based on my membership, then he's probably not going to fit in well with the rest of my world.

----

Do people get offended when they look at personal ads that indicate that the writer has a racial preference? I mean, the heart wants what it wants. It doesn't have to say, "I only date white women who look like Blake Lively," just that he'd prefer a white woman. Does anyone really care about this?

On the individual level not necessarily, when that's what you see day in day out... based on the experiences of friends and acquaintances, it hurts. For a non-racial example of this, see Dan Savage's bit on This American Life about liking "sissies." Link. When gay personal ads include a lot of "looking for straight acting" it's wearing.

As for the individual, when someone puts out something on OKCupid, say that excludes me, "must be skinny" for example, I tend to say a mental "fuck you, you don't deserve me anyway."

That doesn't bother me a bit because I have certain preferences that I stick to myself. I'd rather know that I shouldn't waste my time with that person. For them it might be weight, for me it might be age.

Seriously? This is so dumb. I think the world has somehow gotten us to believe that "the way to a guy's heart is through his body".:rolleyes: That's a lie. But the bigger lie is buried in the center of that statement because it implies that we women have nothing else to offer except our bodies.

I'm old fashioned. As we date, I believe in taking care of one another, but on a first date? Uh, uh...he'd better pay for me or there won't be a 2nd date. I don't expect him to wine and dine me at an expensive restaurant on the first date, but I expect him to behave like a gentleman.

It's different when it's about race or something though than age or weight even. But that said, I'm realizing that it doesn't work that way for me so much. Unfortunately I think I'm going to be one of those people who identifies as an orientation that will always require an explanation unless around similar people. :p

/sapio, right now at least. Work in progress.