I am old, and tired. Sarcastic responses only, please.
 

How can I not be old and tired anymore?

I'm definitely serious. I'm not even going to consider your advice if it is not sarcastic.

Bathe in the waters of the fountain of youth.

http://www.google.com/url?source=img...rMrIXYpKazR2TQ

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http://www.google.com/url?source=img...sMoeBWZ7vfnpPg

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http://www.google.com/url?source=img...rlkAbdoR08Xc-g

Do you think my sisters look down on me because I'm so old, and tired?

We have an adult mixer scheduled for next week and I want to impress the SAEs.

Of course they do. What are sisters for?

You're not going to impress them without $5000 worth of botox and a boob job that would make Barbie jealous.

So, what you're saying is that the butt implants didn't help me?

No...JLO was soooo 2009.

What is the problem? Did you get your tail caught in the squirrel trap?

You know I'm always after someone else's seeds.

I think I'm getting old, too! My back always hurts and I'm cranky and sleepy all the time. Plus, I think I felt a twinge of osteoporosis.

But it's all gonna be okay, because a handsome salesman came to my door and gave me the secrets of youth! It only cost me my retirement fund and my savings account and all my investments and my car title (just in case)! He said it was a million dollar value for just ONE easy payment of a million dollars! What a nice man to give me such a discount. After just a few minutes of wondering how to change my life, I've found all my answers in this bittle lottle!

http://jeannie-ology.com/wp-content/...9/11/97700.jpg


And because all of you suddenly have an urge to watch it.....;)

Barbie does not need a boob job or botox. I hold the secret to eternal youth and energy. But it's ritual so I can't help you unless you're wearing the right catsuit.

And would that be a black and gold catsuit, perchance?

To the OP: get rid of all your mirrors. MuuMuus work wonders for lifting the spirits, when paired with the appropriate stockings (sequined, of course) and head attire.

Dammit! You beat me to it!

Y'know, I thought every woman knew this. At some point, you are supposed to stop aging. I stopped aging at 29. So did my mother. (It was pretty amazing, actually - I gather she was born already pregnant with me, as we're the same age.)

You didn't know? You can still have a mirror! Go to your local Walmart, preferably around 2AM or so, and just ask a fellow customer where they bought their mirror from. It encourages them enough to leave the house looking like that; imagine what it can do for you!

I don't know why all of you are so mean about the fact that I'm old, and tired.

Sheesh. I was hoping someone would have an ACTUAL SOLUTION. MEANIES!

/fauxflounce