received bid from my 3rd choice...need advice!
 

Hi everyone,

I recently rushed as a sophomore at an SEC school. I attended all three of my pref parties and fell in love with two houses but never felt a connection with one (we are not allowed to actually drop parties -- I listed this house last on my preference list every round). I listed it as my last choice and was devastated on Bid Day when I received a bid from this same house; in fact, I was so upset that I didn't arrive at the house and never returned my bid card -- I just went straight home and cried! Looking back I can't even believe I acted like that; At the time I was just extremely surprised and frustrated at how I could be "rejected" from two houses that I really liked.

A few months later, I am still constantly thinking about wanting to be a part of Greek life. As much as I would love to have the experience, I'm aware that I am binded to this house for one calendar year. I've been reading some GC threads that mentioned giving every house a chance, but I believe I would truly not have been happy in this one (and no, I did not feel like i was "above" any of the houses). There is also some other information that stopped me from wanting to be in this chapter, but I don't want to give away the school that I attend in the process.

I also came across one post that mentioned the possibility of bypassing this binding by formally "releasing" me. Is this true? I would really like the opportunity to do informal rush since my chances of getting a bid as a junior are slim to none. I would also like to know if me never having returned my bid card means that i depledged. I talked to my recruitment counselor on pref night regarding this same problem and she told me that in the event that this happened I could simply not show up at the house on Bid Day (which I did). However, I was so mad at having gone through the entire rush process that I felt ashamed at having to return my bid card. Although I haven't had any contact with any of the sisters since pref night, I would still like to know if they have me listed as an active. If I do re-rush for whatever reason, I want to know if I'm viewed as "damaged goods" because of this. Finally, I want to know if the conversation you have with a sister in a house on pref night alters your standing on the bid list (this is for my own sake!). I know that each house has their own membership selection policies so if this is part of it that's totally okay.


This has been bugging me since rush and I would really like some closure from it. I understand that not everyone may be able to answer everything, but I would really appreciate it if I could receive some advice -- if being a part of a sorority can no longer be an option, I definitely want to move on and be more involved in groups that I'm in on campus!

What she said.

I'm not going to sugar-coat this.

If you knew you wouldn't be willing to accept a bid from that chapter, you should not have listed them on your pref card.

The ONLY way you'd be released from the one-year binding agreement would be if you transferred. Otherwise, you can re-rush next fall, but you'll be a junior at an SEC school, and everyone will know you declined a bid this year - you can give it a shot but I wouldn't hold out a lot of hope.

Thank you for the quick response.

I was reading this post:
http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...?t=2285&page=2 and the post by shadokat.

Based on your reply, I'm guessing that this is only limited to her campus...?

I would also like to add that I had to list ALL the parties I attended that night unless I was planning on "suiciding". I asked my recruitment counselor about this and she told me that I was not allowed to just list two houses.

Most likely. That is not NPC policy at all.

http://npcwomen.org/undergrads/standards-policies.aspx


The policy states:

A signed Membership Recruitment Acceptance or a Continuous Open Bidding (COB) Acceptance is binding. If a potential member receives a bid under the preference system, she is ineligible to be pledged to any other NPC fraternity on the same campus for one calendar year. If a potential member does not receive a bid under the preference system, she is eligible for COB. (4)


A woman who has had her pledge broken by an NPC fraternity, or who has broken her pledge to an NPC fraternity, may not be asked to join another NPC fraternity on that campus for one calendar year from the date she was originally pledged. However, she may be repledged by the same NPC fraternity chapter at any time within that calendar year.

No loopholes. You are bound.

That's interesting. Were you not allowed to suicide? It sounds like suicide bidding would have been in your best interest at this point... but were you not allowed to? At my school we can only list 2 on pref night, so suicide bidding is only listing 1. What is the max you can list at your school and what is considered suiciding? I can't understand why only putting 2 would not be allowed unless 3 was the smallest number allowed and then 3 would be considered suicide bidding. (sorry, I'm a little confused. Did any of this make sense?)

shadokat also explicitly mentioned hazing as an extenuating circumstance.

Your recruitment counselor was dead wrong about having to list every chapter you preffed on your pref card. And, unfortunately, you got stuck as a result, and I'm sorry you did. But it is what it is.

Suiciding is listing only ONE preference. Listing 2 of 3 would be "not maximizing your options." Both pretty much land you in "no bid" land if none of the listed groups match. That would have meant you could go thru COB. You are out of options at this point for this school year.

This opposite-as-you-can-get-to-an-SEC-campus has 5 national sororities and 5 local sororities, all of whom rush together. This was also 9 years ago. Things have been tightened up everywhere considerably since then. I also think they had a whack ass Greek advisor. aephialum - 9 times out of 10, the women were probably lying through their teeth about being hazed. They just knew the right button to press.

In other words...you cannot and will not be released, especially if the chapter is under total. Contact the chapter and see if they're doing rush or a pledge class in the spring that you could pledge with. They're most likely your last shot at Greek life on this campus.

It always makes me sad when a girl doesn't even attend the bid day of the chapter that offered her a bid. If it was issues with one or two women currently in the chapter, I think it would have been worth still checking out.

To answer your question about being "damaged goods," we don't know your circumstances, but if you re-rush, I'm sure some/most/all chapters will know that you went through rush before. That may or may not alter your chances at receiving a bid.

You were lucky enough to get a bid as a sophomore at an SEC school. That was really your last opportunity to be Greek. Even if there were some super secret way to be released (and there isn't), those chapters didn't want you in formal, you won't be any more attractive to them in COB as a rising Junior who already rushed AND didn't honor her bid. There are often very good reasons for chapters to have "once cut, always cut" policies.

Of course the things a pnm says at preference can affect where she appears on a bid list. The hows and wheres are ms issues and would never be discussed in public.

It seems to me the only shot you've got is to go back to the house you were so rude to, tail between your legs and BEG to be let in at this late date. Hopefully they are not at total and are willing to give you another chance, but this is in no way a statement that they WILL or SHOULD let you in.

No, it might not be. We don't know; I can name several juniors who have received bids at SEC schools with no junior quota in the past 1-3 years. Like I said in a previous thread, maybe she can get a bid and maybe she can't but all she can do is try if she decides not to take this bid. I hope you try out the bid, OP!