Perception of women in the workplace
 

Hello ladies and gents!

Since I know this side of GC is full of intelligent, working men and women I wanted to get everyone's opinion on something I'm experiencing.

I'm currently dealing with this situation at work now - that basically unless my response to two particular women on my team are "yes, your idea/opinion/remark is great" they feel as if I'm not open to their opinion or thoughts. It seems that whenever I ask a question regarding their suggestions, they autimatically take it negatively. However, I've noticed that when a male team member does the same thing, they take it completely different. Just to make sure it isn't me, I've asked my mentor and my director as well if I come across this way to which they both responded no.

So I'm wondering if this is a case of perception? (confident women = bitchy/too direct but confident man = go getter/ambitious)

This is structural and individual-level.

At the individual-level, there are most likely things that you are doing, the men are doing, and the other women are doing that encourage the tone of these interactions. It is both intentional and unintentional, conscious and subconscious. You may not feel that it is you, and your mentor may confirm your belief, but that does not mean that part of it is not you. No one is "to blame" and this is a social-psychological process that involves "call and response" on all of your parts.

At the structural-level, organizations are structured around certain gender inequalities and gender dynamics. These will persist with and without "gender diversity training," speaking to a higher-up (if there is one) about the issue, or being more aware of your contribution to the tone of the interactions. That doesn't mean you shouldn't take those approaches, but don't be surprised if you feel the same way afterwards.

Two reading recommendations:

1) Jennifer L. Pierce. 1995. Gender Trials. Univ of California Press.
2) Rosebeth Moss Kanter. 1977. Men and Women of the Corporation. New York: Basic Books.

Thanks Dr.Phil. It just drives me batty. Our Vice President is a woman who is very strong and ambitious (not in a mean, b*tchy way at all, she just knows her thoughts and will speak up/ask questions if necessary) and the majority of the women in our department find her "too demanding" whereas her predecessor had an identical management style and of course they found him "awesome, with a take charge attitude".

I plan to check those books out - thanks again.

You're not supporting the SISTERHOOD, girlfriend! We gotta stick together against the patriarchy!!

These are probably the same women who couldn't stop talking about how uber awesome Bill Clinton was when it came to putting women in new positions. (Double entendre intended.)

Something you could try and do is reflecting what they say back to them "What I'm hearing you saying is that *summary of their opinion* and while I understand that, this is why I think we should do *other option.*"

You don't have to be so utterly blatent about what you're doing, but at the very least, you can't be accused of not listening to them.

That doesn't really address the "why" they're acting like that (and I wouldn't really guess without knowing them) but it might help the problem.

One suggestion would be to toss the suggestion to the group. If they get similar feedback from their peers in a group setting, the least common denominator is them, not you. Sometimes, we just have to listen and others will play their part.