General Conversation advise for 2011 PNM
 

Hello Everyone. I have a D17 who is anticipating going through rush at which ever school she ends up. She has applied to schools with strong and mostly competitive programs. Being in a Sorority is very important to her (I am Greek and so are her cousins) and I know rush is very, very different today than it was when I rushed 28 years ago at UGA. The one school she is leaning toward (our State U) seems to have a pretty cut throat process (information straight from GC) and she is prepared for that reality. She has excellent grades, great ECs and lots of community service. Recommendations should not be too difficult to come by because her High School has an organizaiton of women (moms) who will gather all PNMs in the spring and have rush survival parties and will do what they can to get letters for girls that are looking for them. Of course we have alum in our fold also, although at preferred State U, my sorority is not represented.

The one thing that make my D very nervous is the art of conversation. She is an amazing conversationalist as long as she knows you or does not feel pressure to be "on show". She does get nervous in environments such as rush type events. (not that she has experienced anything like rush...but strangers getting to know you kind of stuff) Does anyone have any advise for what she can do make it easier and not so stressful in this respect? It's not as if she needs "finishing" school, but Rush 101 would be nice...lol.

She has read here and has absorbed many of the tips of what not to talk about etc, and I feel the advise has been very valuable. Thank you to each of you that provide that infomation.

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ad.php?t=54403

Why can't she ask us the questions herself?

Because she asked me if I would ask today and I said yes. And thank you for the link. She has actually read that entire thread.

Fwap fwap fwap.

If she can't handle going to a forum to ask questions, she really needs to work on her communication skills. For realz.

ETA: doing class projects, participating in clubs and in officer positions, and interacting with new people should be great practice. SHE needs to take the initiative and learn those skills.

Really? I simply asked a question on behalf of my daughter. I apologize if by doing so I broke some unwritten code that only a PNM could ask a question. When you are an over achieving HS student who spends 12+ hours every day at school between your academics (she is #1 in an extremely competitive HS), and your ECs, and then come home and pound homework and spends what little time that is left writing admissions essays, hanging out on GC during the week is simply not going to happen. I guess I misjudged what this forum was about. I have tried to be honest and straight forward and all that has occurred is an attack over why I am asking a question. It has no relevance and is in direct contradiction to what sisterhood should mean in the first place.

BTW...she holds a few key leadership positions in her High School. She is just nervous about getting this all right. And with the reception that has been given on this thread I feel she has a right to worry if this is the state of the greek system today.

My daughter sounds similar to yours. She just finished recruitment and said she was a little uncomfortable at the first round of parties. My advice would be to search this site and find some sample questions she will be asked during recruitment. Have neighbors/relatives practice these with her. That way she will have answers prepared. I also told my daughter "don't give one word answers, try to tell a story". For example "Where are you from?" Instead of just saying Sometown USA, say we moved around a lot, etc or I have always lived in Sometown but enjoy traveling to.... If your daughter is comfortable with the conversation, she will have a more enjoyable time. Good luck to her.

This is similar to the advice that my mother gave me, the most important part being "don't give one word answers".

To the OP, take a minute to cool off. It's understandable for people to question why she isn't here asking herself, you've explained, and now it's all good.

What is that? It sounds like a jet or something.

Haha, that's what I was thinking. I assumed it meant 17-year-old daughter, though.

WhatstheRUSH, my God Daughter just went through recruitment out of state at a competitive school and had a very happy result with a full schedule each round. She is a serious girl--not shy, but would definitely be more to the reserved side than the extroverted side. By nature, she was not really in her comfort zone in the early rounds when parties are short and first impressions are all you have to go on. However, she had a great time, and I think preparing her for what she might encounter (enthusiastic chanting/singing at the door, high energy, loud first rounds and being bumped to other actives, being cut by houses she liked, etc) helped a lot.

Practicing answers to those "What's your major?", "How do you like school so far?" What dorm are you in?" and learning how to turn those rather simple questions into real conversations is something that can be practiced and learned. We encouraged her to think about what questions she might ask of the actives and what she wanted to learn about sorority life and to formulate those ideas into open ended questions.

Having recs from people who really know the PNM may enable the chapter to make a good match between active and PNM, so good recs are important for a variety of reasons. She found, for instance, that in the early rounds, one house matched her with a member from her hometown. Another put her with a girl who had participated in her same (kind of unusual) sport in HS. Another took the same AP classes, another had a different connection, and so on. Although this didn't happen in each house, it happened often enough to make her realize that the sororities were as interested in getting to know her and put her at ease as she was in getting to know them. Even if that early connection didn't happen, we prepared her for the fact that deeper conversations were coming down the road, and more connections would happen later in the week as the mutual selection process kicked in and the parties got longer.

I hope this helps. There is a lot of helpful information on GC--so have her browse around.

Please don't use College Confidential lingo here. This isn't that.

That being said...you said she's doing community service. I would hope it's something where she can interact with all different types of people, of all ages, like volunteering at a library or a hospital. This will help a lot. I'm not advising her to do either of those things if she has zero interest, but she needs to do things that are out of her "comfort zone." (To wit: some of the girls from my hometown now put down cheerleading as "community service" for cotillion requirements. I think not.)

She really should have come and asked this herself, she does not need to "hang out" on the forum to ask a simple question. Post tonight, check back tomorrow and see if you got any answers. Easy peasy. Takes 5 minutes. Do you not trust her to get on and off the computer in 5 minutes? Because that's kind of the impression you give.

Sigh @ the bolded. There is no attack here.

Her list of credentials are all the more reason for her to seek out and take advantage of opportunities to open up and communicate with people. She sounds great on paper, but if she clams up when in the company of strangers, she really needs to round out her skill set with an ability to communicate with others outside her comfort range.

Parents helping their kids is fine. Parents doing the work for them is not. Persisting in holding her hand will only keep her in the protective bubble she lives in.

Good luck to her. I hope that she can take some initiative and interact here to discuss her possible future recruitment.

Advice the word is advice. When you want me to tell you how to act in a situation you want my advice.

LOL...Thank you. I was thinking the same thing. Also, please don't use the excuse that she is too busy to come on here and ask a question because she doesn't have the time to 'hang out' on a chat board. By saying that, you are insinuating that we all must have very little going on in our lives, which is why we are on here. As someone who works full-time and attends college full-time, I take offense to that. Let her do the work herself.

WhatstheRUSH,

The advice you have received seems harsh, but it really is right on target I think.

Based on the information you provide, your daughter looks great "on paper". That means something, but it is not everything as you surely know being a sorority member yourself and an adult with a family. You have succeeded in many ways to get to this point in your life, and it was not always on paper or in a book I bet!

And keep in mind too that many heli-parents come to this website- plus there have been occasions where an overinvolved parent actually hurt a child's chances in rush. Appearances are everything, and it is human nature for people to question a situation where a parent asks questions a child should be asking themselves. It is not personal, just people going with their general past experience on threads like these- just like rush really. It is people having to give advice or make quick decisions on a small piece of information relative to the whole story no matter how accurate that bit of information or insight comes across.

I just have one piece of advice, and I hope it helps. At a point when your daughter is interested in hearing, may I suggest you and other close relatives who are sorority members take her out for the day. Maybe a nice lunch, shopping, a spa- all that stuff ladies like to do (I am a guy- sorry if I am making stereotypical guesses.) Do what is fun, but make the theme of the day letting her know about sorority life as her close family knows and loves it.

During your outing, answer her questions in terms of what you know. Tell her stories about the good times of sorority membership, maybe about mistakes you thought you made during rush that turned out not to affect your finding a great chapter. Let her see for herself, through your stories, what a great time you had and why. Times may change, but not that much. What you went through a generation ago is very relevant today in many ways.

Take it out of the realm of how daunting rush can be, and just have a relaxed fun time sharing what being Greek meant to you and let her digest it in her own way.

That, I think, is what it will take for her to make a decision if this is for her- ie what will get her over the social fear- and for her to decide to make a serious effort at going for it.

I am old enough to have met a lot of very outgoing and also very introverted people. Everyone has one thing in common- when they are genuinely excited about something, they become wonderful people to be around for those who share a common interest.

In terms of sorority life- that common interest could be social, philanthropy, scholastics, leadership, and the list goes on. I think the greatest gift you can give your daughter right now is the inspiration of how sorority life can connect with one of her personal interests. And from there she will have something real to talk about during rush.

Best wishes and hope this helps!