Lonely President
 

Hi,
I wanted to know if there are any other girls out there who are/were the President of their chapter, and how they dealt with the stress of it all. Before I became President, I had such a fire for my sorority. I did anything my sisters needed me for, I would drop what I was doing in a moment to help a sister, and I was one of the biggest cheerleaders for my sorority. I became President of my chapter, and all of those old feelings have dwindled. Now, I feel that the majority of my sisters fit into one of two categories: 1) They put the blame for anything that happens on me and become frustrated when I do my job and enforce rules, or 2) they are new to my sisterhood, and therefore are somewhat intimidated by me because I am the President. I have tried to persevere and open up to at least these new sisters, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that they aren't completely comfortable around me. Don't get me wrong, I am a very silly person and light-hearted, and have tried to remain true to myself in that sense. It has just become harder and harder for me to even want to help sisters anymore, and I hate myself for feeling this way. Has anyone else ever experienced something like this? If so, do you think there's any way for me to fix this? The last thing I want is to leave my sorority (when I'm done with the presidency) feeling like I wasted my time, when I know I've had so many good experiences before I became President.

QFP. I have to come back to this one.

This is a legit concern, and I appreciate the relative anonymity with which you posted the concern. Keep it that way.

Do you have a supportive executive council? There were some rather rough times for our chapter while I was on exec (having to place loved members on probation, some financial woes, frustration in general with life), and I know I lost a bit of my fire for a while. I know my exec would have our own version of stitch and bitch when things got rough in the chapter. We all loved scrapbooking, so we got together and just ranted about life/chapter problems. It doesn't sound like it would help, but it did...getting concerns out in the open made them seem so silly.

Also...remember friends outside of the chapter. Sometimes you just need a weekend off from the concerns...go visit a friend at home or another college. See mom for the weekend, warn your alum advisor, and turn your phone off.

And the new members will be terrified of you...keep being nice, and eventually they'll warm up. All of my little's friends were still scared of me because I was VP Admin, up to a year later...they've gotten used to me now. It's natural to be afraid of the older person with authority.

People get burned out. Just remember: you have other things in life. This small rough time does not ruin the good memories you have, nor should it ruin your chance at a lifetime of memories and membership in your sorority.

an incident happened when i was vp1 of my chapter and the president wasn't around to make the decision that had to be made pretty much in a split second, and i was next in the chain of command. while i made the right decision morally, it was an unpopular decision with the majority of the chapter and they made me suffer for it, so i know how you feel.

i think that a lot of chapter members have no clue how much responsibility being an executive officer entails, and certainly the heaviest burden is on the president. i think that bevin had a great suggestion about holding bitch sessions with your exec. officers or getting together with non-sorority friends away from the house. of course, you can't discuss sorority business with them, but you can blow off some steam. sometimes a little mental vacation does a world of good. go for a long run or hit the gym. you can also speak to your advisors-they are there for you, and may have experienced something similar in their collegiate years.

bevinpiphi: There are a few members of my Exec Council that are causing a lot of the problems/placing blame on me for doing my job. They are girls that I no longer feel I can really open up to. There is one Exec member who I've had issues with in the past, and had a very public argument recently. She is the kind of girl who will "rally the troops," and in a way, kind of black-list me. It sounds more dramatic than it is, I just can't think of a better way to put it.
And as far as taking my time away, that is all I have been doing over summer, just trying to recover from this past semester. My phone stays on silent so I can check it on my own terms, and I talk to the select few girls who understand what I'm going through, and have remained my sole support through the semester. I just dread returning to the sorority in the Fall because of the drama and issues I know will arise once school starts again.

FSU: For confidentiality reason, I can't explain what I am about to say, but my sorority has no advisers. We have a general Greek adviser, but she is caught up with.... other groups. I am the highest there is in the sorority, and among alumnae as well.

have you thought about resigning your office? would that be possible or be something you would consider?

Honestly, no, that isn't something I would ever do. As much as I stress and worry, I am just holding on for those few girls, because otherwise the sorority would be over-run by the girls who cause problems, and I only see my org going down in flames. I've also had too many good times with my sisters in the past to really believe it can be as bad as I feel, but I have yet to be proven otherwise, which is why I'm posting.

i am so sorry that you are having to go thru this. how stressful!

If you are a member of a national organization, there are regional advisors, CDC's or travelling consultants who are available for consultation. If there is a neighboring chapter with a full advisory board, perhaps you can consult with one or more of them. Collegians sometimes hesitate to involve these resources, but that is what they are for and they have usually heard and experienced a lot and have a lot of wisdom (or at least good stories) to share.

Executive council is a stressful experience sometimes, no getting around it. I was a chapter advisor for a few years, and saw how difficult their role is (much more difficult than when I was an active.) I am sorry you are having a rough time, and hope the new year and a new member group will help you. Reach out to the new members and the younger, drama-free group. There are probably a lot more members who are sick of the drama than you know about. Drama people are loud and noticable. People who don't approve, often keep silent. Don't worry if the younger members seem to 'look up to you" or take you seriously. That can be a good thing!

Katmandu: Thank you for the great advice, but I unfortunately have none of those resources at my disposal. I have definitely gone to as many people as I can about this, but at this point, I am honestly just looking for any kind of encouragement or hope to prepare myself for this upcoming semester. You have provided some of that for me, so thank you. I appreciate your input and words of support, because God knows, I haven't heard many of them recently.

Ms. President,

I was just browsing through the threads and saw this. Be strong and stay strong. Your efforts will not be wasted.

It's not a popularity contest...if you want to do the right things.

Good luck.

Ms. President:

I just finished a year as chapter president and I feel your pain. It is very difficult.

A few things I learned:

1. Keep your friends, family outside of the Sorority as venting posts (as much as you are allowed to) and hang out with non-Greek friends. It is a welcome break.

2. Talk to the other Presidents on the campus. They will likely have the same issues.

3. It DOES get better. Everyone blames you when any little thing goes wrong, but stay firm and fair. It happens to nearly everyone in the office, but after they get used to your style of leadership, they will adjust.

4. Invite your closest friends in the chapter out for lunch/dinner/drinks as normal. They might be intimidated or they may worry you are just too busy. Reach out to them.

5. Admit when you DO make a mistake. It calms people to hear you admit and apologize and they will know you admit your mistakes, making them respect you far more.

I was in the same boat as you. I also felt like turning in my badge at times. Keep going! You'll do great.

This is so true. I was scared to DEATH of the girl who was prez when I pledged. It's only in the last couple years reconnecting with her through facebook that I've been able to see what a funny, fun and cool person she is.

MsP: I don't know if you mean you "don't have those resources" because you're in a local or because you're in a national full of a bunch of slacker-asses. (Don't answer that. ;) ) If it's the former, try talking to some of the more recent alums, especially the girls who were president or had EC offices. Trust me, they want to know what's going on and they will help you. If it's the latter, try reaching out to some of the chapter presidents from other chapters. Sometimes it just helps to vent and know you're not alone.

AOE's suggestion about talking to other presidents on campus is great as well.

Just reading your posts brought back some emotions and I was chapter president twenty years ago! There are a few situations that still sting to this day.

A few thoughts based on my own experiences...

Absolutely have a friend or two outside of the chapter (and preferably away from campus) that will be a safe place to completely dump. You really do need the ability to get it all out with someone safe who will listen and support you.

Do everything by the book. I had to make a couple of very unpopular decisions, one of which cost me dearly. But we did everything by the bylaws and no one could have ever accused me of playing favorites or not doing things correctly. The bylaws, Roberts Rules of Order, etc. are your friend and cover.

I mentioned on another post on GC that being in leadership really does change your sorority experience. Once you take an executive position (especially president) it just isn't the same. It doesn't make it bad, but it definitely makes it different. Only someone who has gone through it can understand. When you are fully aware of all the problems, issues, etc. it is much harder to just enjoy your membership. Being president is a supreme act of service to your sisters. And one that won't be fully appreciated by them or you until much later.

I agree with the advice to try to hang out and do "normal" things with the sisters. It is sometimes hard to fit it in when there are so many other responsibilities taking your time. But making sure everyone knows you are also wanting to be a sister and not just the president is important.

I don't know if you are a person of faith, but I prayed. A lot. And I had a lot of people praying for me in my church and amongst my sisters.

Feel free to come and chat with us here. Even though we aren't there in person, I for one would be glad to be a sounding board on GC. :)