Do you think this is an effect?
 

I was in my english class today, and we watched the documentary titled Dreamworlds 2. It was about the impact of music videos on relationships between men and women, since most of us in my generation have grown up on music videos. It showed how the women were portrayed as objects to be owned, violated, and used at will. They were crazed for sex, money and rich men. They couldn't say no to men, and were helpless without a man. If they didn't have men, they turned to women and inanimate objests for sexual gratification, which is how women are portrayed in music videos, hence a man's Dreamworld. It was very deep, causing me to think of this question: do you think that because music videos are objectifying women as objects crazed for sex, money, and closeness to rich men are causing men to think of us as only gold diggers? I mean, why are black women having such a hard time finding the right one? Do you think that men are unhappy with us because we don't personify these women? Are they subconsciously disappointed with us because we don't look, act, or think like these women that are flashed in our faces since day one? Is this a valid reason for our problematic and rocky relationships with men?

Well, I think those are all good questions to ask men...but IMO, I think that men view some women as gold diggers primarily because women sometimes carry themselves that way. It's sad to say, but there are some women who strive to live their lives in reality based off of the ACTORS/MODELS in non-realistic VIDEOS...Everybody knows that when you see the women half dressed on tv, (for instance the DC3's and Britney Spears of the world), no one thinks anything of it. But let NayNay from down the street put on the same thing and go to the club and the men will treat her as a ho....that's just what I see. And these women think that's the type of attention that they deserve. I don't think that mentality comes from videos though, I think it comes from a lack of parenting...a lack of instilling self-esteem in ones' children enough to know that you don't have to reduce yourself to being eye candy to attract a man...And the women that enter relationships with these men wonder why they can't walk down the street together without him snapping his neck trying to look down some other girl's blouse. As far as "problematic" relationships, I believe the main issue contributing to failed relationships is lack of communication. Either partner not knowing what they truly want and just pretending to put forth a front. I can write for days on this and sorry to jump around, but as much as I'm anti-videos these days, I can't help but still point the finger at the parents and role models of the world. What are your thoughts, Diva_01...?

Pebbles #6
SPR '01

See, Pebbles, that's what I thought before also, that a woman is treated the way they carry themselves. But think about it, if you are 4, 5, 6 watching these men with all this money and money-hungry women in these videos all day every day, what thoughts are going to get ingrained as well? It makes a lot of sense to these stupid games men play and why they act like little boys. Why should be on one woman when a video tells you to make money and women will come? Why get in a relationship when men are the dominant ones in society? It seems as if videos can instill a sense of dominance and control in these men, and any woman who does not adhere to this is worth none of their time. And thinking about female videos, it's interesting that Salt 'n' Pepa, TLC, Janet Jackson, Toni Braxton, etc all came out in baggy clothes or conservatively, and did well, but as soon as they bared skin and stripped clothes, thier sales skyrocketed. Their lyrics betray thier actions, which may be another reason why men and women are so confused.

thanks for providing such an interesting thread!
 

I love this topic, because I am a grad student and one of the degrees I am pursuing is called Publication Design. We deal with new media, creative writing, graphic design, film making, et cetera--I study image making in its varied forms. I want to be in a position to make a positive change in what I see out there.

Now, one of my schools is a HBCU and we were discussing this issue in the student lounge just the other day (we have a big screen TV that's almost always locked on BET or MTV).

The question started out as, "Can a song/video/CD survive without the scantily-clad women?" The consensus was, "Yes, people will buy the song/CD anyway if it's good." My next question was then, "So, why are these women in 90% of the videos if not to help sell the song?" One of the men told me that he knew for a fact that "The women are all being paid at least $500," another said that "It's just a good way for women to break into show business," and one man told me that I was "just hating." :rolleyes: The female response was surprisingly similar: one woman told me that, "It's okay to dance and act like that once you get paid for it, but if there's no pay, then it's not okay. " Another woman told me to "Look at Jennifer Lopez, she did the same thing as a 'Fly Girl' and look where it got her." When I asked about the level of self esteem that the "video women" had, the collegiate ladies replied that one would have to have "high self esteem to be in a video dressed like that, since you have to have a good body."

Throughout the entire discussion I was pretty much told that there was nothing wrong with the videos and that there was no double standard (Another question I posed was "Why were the men were almost always fully clothed or dressed like "thugs" and the women were almost always half-dressed or in "extreme" club attire?").

I know for myself that it's unhealthy for ANYONE to be judged as simply 'a piece of meat'. Yet, I often wonder how many people actually believe that anymore.

I think that many women are getting less and less respect today because some women (and sadly, some GIRLS) A)TRULY BELIEVE that they need to act out these "entertainment fantasies" to be considered a "REAL" woman and B) some men figure that women either REALLY ARE or SHOULD be like that because that's all they see, and C) we as a people HAVE ACCEPTED the premise that there's nothing wrong with being "A Freak Like Me" all the time (remember Adina Howard--where is she now?).
;)

I feel disgusted with many videos, movies, songs, and overall media because, while I understand that sensuality and sexuality is a healthy and normal part of an adult's life, I think too much emphasis is being placed on SEX--we're in an overload situation. My opinion is that we're basically being conditioned into thinking that being "hooched/thugged out" is okay. When we begin to accept that lie, our relationships with each other are going to suffer.

Beautiful, TRUBLU, simply beautiful. I really hate that we have let this become such a big part of our world. I mean, when the men we see everyday in our own neighborhoods are spending all their money on their cars, thier jewelry, thier teeth, etc, to look just like the men in these videos, down to their walk, vocabulary, and slang, ever ready to call us a bitch or hoe, just like thier favorite rapper of all time, or quick to use a rap verse or line to explain how they knew we going to react, to describe how we re supposed to act...it's scary. And my beautiful blacj women. Oh my. How we are half-naked at the clubs, dancing on stage in a thong, or stripping naked for a visiting rapper/singer just because that's what you think he like based on his videos...getting hyoed to be called a project bitch, or to set it off in this mutha...I just shake my head. What can we do when so much rides on a rapper who is just like you and me?

I think the most pitiful individuals in those videos are the so called"men". Who would let any member of the Cash Money Millionaires in their house? (if they did not have legit money). Most of these young men have been blinded by materialism. Women are just one of the disposable acquisitions. I don't fault the women who appear in the videos. Most are strippers or hoodrats, whose only claim to fame in life will be that they "shook it fast" in a video, and that is a big enough deal in their small world, to justify it. Limited options make the obscene palatable, both for male and female.

True, true, true, but does this have that effect on everyday relationships in general? I mean, true enough, the men who are in the videos are usually rags to riches, but what about the majority of us who are left behind in the real world? Our relationships suffer. And then these men talk about how they are tired of these fake, gold-digging women. But isn't that what you rap about? How you have enough money to keep all your "hoes" comfortable? Isn't that what you are attracting, and choosing, on top of that?

Girl...that is good! That's another way to look at it! Thier inadequacy does cause thier percieved shortcomings to manifest in thier relationships, because unfortunately, we still do this. I still do it. Thinking if only I were this, or if only I did that...

So ladies...do you change your "percieved shortcomings" in order to become perfect for your men? Do men expect certain traits from all women? I've heard on more than one occasion that men want this "freak" in the bedroom. :rolleyes:

So very true, but the thing is what constitutes a freak in the bedroom? Is it what the media tells us one should be, or what you think about in your mind? I mean, how exactly does one know what a true "freak" is?