Facing Reality
 

My best friend who is also my roommate is a senior in college and really wants to join a sorority. She's been through a lot in her life. I'm not going to get into details but she had to withdraw from college for a couple of years due to personal matters in her life. She asked for my opinion about rushing and I told her that realistically her chances of getting in would be slim. I didn't want to give her hopes up but I don't want to lie to her either b/c she's almost 25. How do you deal with this situation?

QFP

Without knowing the school, her GPA, or why she's so concerned about going greek, I'd be tempted to ask her how well she could face rejection. Don't get me wrong, there could be a chapter or two that would be interested in her, but I have no way of knowing.

Now where is that crystal ball?

She attends MS State. I don't know about her GPA b/c that is a private matter, but knowing what she's been through she probably suffered a little bit academically. My guess is around C++ or B average. As for why she wants to join, she told me that the sisterhood and philanthropy activities really appealed to her. She's a smart, sweet girl but I don't want to hurt her feelings. Getting into a sorority as a freshman is hard enough. I do not even know if they DO take in upperclassmen. What do I tell her?

are you in college and greek? if you are in college, but not greek...and if i were in your shoes, i would go through recruitment with her, and not sign a preference card (if you both would make it that far). just so she has someone who is right there with her (if she's emotionally fragile). you wouldnt be expecting a bid, and wouldnt be hurt if you didnt get one.

tell her if she does decide to go through, she needs to get her letters of rec submitted now, and get lots of them. alumni, active members, etc. and then tell her that as a senior, she only has a very slim chance of going anywhere. but it might be worth it just to meet new friends, both those who are greek, and those who are rushing. sometimes, seniors wont count towards quota, so anything is possible.

I wouldn't go through rush w/her if you aren't truly interested...that can backfire in the worst of ways, as in the sororities liking you and not her. It sounds like a bad Family Ties episode, but it really does happen.

She wants to "rewind" and forget all the crap that happened to her in the past, and she thinks joining a sorority will enable her to do this and start afresh. THIS ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN. Even if she gets a bid - she is never going to be that 18 year old girl again. I would encourage her to get counseling at the campus center. If she does that and still wants to rush, support her, but don't sugar coat it. It will not help her.

That ship has already sailed for your friend. The best you can do is to encourage her to look elsewhere. If she still wants to go through, you can't stop her. She just needs to be prepared for any disappointment.

Senior, almost 25, iffy grades, at an SEC school...not happening. SEC chapters like traditional students. Anyone from MS State know if they have an upperclassmen quota?

Tell her to check with the greek life office on campus to see if a) there is a separate quota for Juniors and Seniors, or b) if upperclassmen don't count toward quota.

Having said that, her chances are slim to none. There are just too many strikes against her (SEC school/class standing/age/possibly grades and lack of campus activities.) If she insists on going through with it, tell her that it's possible that all the chapters might cut her after the first round. Could she handle that?

Pi Beta Phi just colonized there last spring -- I'm not sure if they'd still be looking for some upperclassmen.

She might want to check out a community sorority such as Beta Sigma Phi. That would offer her a sorority experience that might be more suited to her needs.

There are community service GLOs and professional GLOs that might offer what she is looking for as well.

I am not familiar with the culture at SEC schools and wouldn't know if those chapters would want traditional students as well. However, I think they would be more open to the idea of a non-traditional student.

Your "best friend/roommate" is already a senior? Wouldn't she be graduating by the time she was initiated even if she were offered a bid? (and that is a big if.....) Seems pretty pointless to me from a sorority's perspective.

Can I suggest NOT doing this? If you are interested in recruitment for your own reasons, by all means go through. However, if you're not, you're taking 1 spot away from a girl who would love to attend preference at a chapter, and might not get to, if they give the invitation to you.

yeah, that probably wasnt the greatest advice. i'm always thinking of a not so competative small school environment. i wasn't thinking that she would be taking the spot of someone else if she got invited back places, esp at such a competative school. and i was suggesting she drop out before preference, but that still takes away from other girls prior to, potentially. i was just thinking of something they could do together, since it sounds like the friend needs a lot of support and needs to have something to look forward to. maybe suggesting that you were thinking of joining the service sorority instead, and ask if she would join you? or just encouraging it to her, even without you.

Thank you all for the advice. Hopefully this will help her. And I don't know for sure if she is getting counseling from anyone for her past hardships. I mean, we've talked about it together but that's not the same as getting professional help. I do believe that maybe part of her desire to rush is wanting to fit in, however, I would never tell her that. This information should hopefully get her to see reason.

I think you're right. It would be unfairly to give her hopes.


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