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Casual friendships vs Close bonds

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyCash (Post 1913599)

(I've been kind of ghost lately from GC with school and all but I got to thinking recently and searched the topic but found no threads.)

Lately I've been feeling differently about my organization. I'm proud to be a brother of my fraternity and honestly think it's one of the best chapters on my campus, but I'm reaching my 3 years and things feel very much different (no shit, I know- but still).

I used to be very internally involved and found it to be very rewarding, but I no longer am and now I'm very externally involved on campus- you can say I'm one of the "face" guys in my fraternity. I guess this caused me to drift away from my chapter and the guys I used to consider my best friends.

I feel like the vast majority of the friendships with my brothers are very casual and superficial. Don't get my wrong, I spend a good amount of time with my brothers doing the usual- drinking, eating, hanging out, partying, etc.

But I feel like there are no guys that I can really sit down and have a meaningful conversation with. Most of my interaction with brothers consists of casual conversations and often never goes past the "how was your day?" type of small talk.

I was wondering how many of you have experienced that or experienced that as an undergraduate.

Do you feel like Greek life is composed of primarily casual and superficial friendships or can you really find your lifelong best friends being Greek??

Friendships in GLOs are no different than friendships in real life - you have to put in work for them to be successful.

If you don't speak to people regularly, they may not feel comfortable having deeper conversations with you. If you want more out of your brothers, interact with them more.

When I was an undergrad, I was one of the "face of the fraternity" brothers (super involved on campus), but I made sure to leave time to interact with my brothers. Of course, I wasn't best friend's with everyone, but I spent enough time with enough brothers so that I could say more than "Sup?" when I saw them.

Are there ANY brothers that you can have meaningful conversations with? Pledge brothers? Big brother?

Quote:

Originally Posted by knight_shadow (Post 1913606)

Are there ANY brothers that you can have meaningful conversations with? Pledge brothers? Big brother?

Yeah, there are. But most of the guys I consider close with are not active or have graduated, etc. This concern is mostly with the actives chapter. Sorry if that wasn't made clear.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyCash (Post 1913599)

I feel the same way about your question as I would if a newbie had asked it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyCash (Post 1913614)

Yeah, there are. But most of the guys I consider close with are not active or have graduated, etc. This concern is mostly with the actives chapter. Sorry if that wasn't made clear.

That's okay. You aren't going to be equally close with every class that comes through your fraternity. Personally, I was close with a couple people in classes ahead of me but mostly close with people in classes below me. It's different with everyone, but you won't be soul mates with someone in every year. That being said, you may be missing out on a close friendship with one of these guys because you haven't been putting in the effort. It's amazing how much in common you can have with a freshman even when you are a senior. I really bonded with a girl my senior year who I called JA (for Junior Active), and she called me SA (Senior Active). I didn't see myself having that relationship, but strange things happen when you put yourself out there.

Some people are just naturally closer to people who are either older or younger than them. It could be that, partly.

Try bringing your (younger) brothers into the other groups you're involved with on campus. I understand working every day on, say, the newspaper, you get super close with those people, and brothers might think you're blowing them off. You can do both though, I've seen it done.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyCash (Post 1913599)

I think that happens to a lot of people, especially as you get older because some of your close friends have graduated or transferred and you're involved in class and other campus activities while a lot of other members spend most of their time with each other. By the time I graduated I felt the same way, and I have a couple of friends I keep up with on a regular basis from the sorority, but I figure that it's great if I can have a couple of super close friendships...but if I don't get that out of the organization that's ok because I still had fun being a part of it as a collegian. That was my attitude for my last couple of years, and now I hear some of the girls below me who are about to leave this year or next year saying the same thing, and it is mostly the ones who are spending more time studying, working, and participating in other campus organizations.

FYI: You are not always going to be the closest with the people in your class.

This is something that I think is a big misconception in Greek Life.

I am closer to the girls I lived in the house with and my Big/Little than I am with the girls I was initiated with.