YOU and YOUR MATE
 

These are some questions I want to put out there for some of my SFs who are dating or engaged.

Have you ever let your mate define you and your life?
Are you OBSESSED with your mate?
When you are with you girls, is every other word: "my man . . . ", "_______ (your man's name) . . . ", "girl let me tell you about my man. . . ", etc.
Do you really know your mate?


For ALL of my SFs, I have bought back to the top the Motivating Quotes thread. I know that some of us (myself included) have been/are in relationships that are NOT positive and there are some quotes/passages that I found to be of help to me in my situations.

My advice to all of us: LOVE YOU FIRST!! LOVE GOD FIRST TOO!!
WHAT GOD HAS FOR YOU, it is for you!!

Love begins within. Read I Corinthians 13.

Oh My
 

I am recently engaged, so I can answer these huh?
First of all, I am a complete person without my fiance in my life. He doesn't complete me, he compliments me. Secondly, I am not obsessed with him. When my friends and I get together, we have this pact, that we cannot talk about our significant other while we are out. Hey, we can mention Omar Epps, etc, but not our own men. I have placed God as the #1 man in my life, so that is why I have the 2nd best one. I have patiently waited for my love. With God's love and guidance, he is finally mine. As far as the obession with him, nahhhhh I don't think so

I'm guilty of mentioning his name a lot. It's hard not to, especially if that's the person that you spend the most time with. Maybe I need to make the same type of pact with my friends, lol. ;)

Well sometimes I feel like I do that a lot on GC anyway. But that's usually just to emphasize that he and I are on the same page on important issues. Not that ya'll just need to know that or even care :p. But we are each other's best friend and we've been together forever, so it's hard for us to not be so much of a part of each others' lives. I pride myself in not being an average female which means I don't like to be around females a lot, except female relatives. Meaning I don't like to shop at all and I'd much more prefer spending all Sunday watching the games, NFL Primetime on ESPN at 7:30pm, and then the Sunday night game on ESPN. I don't know too many females like that. So that means I'm usually with him.

Sometimes we spend lovey dovey time together as boyfreind/girlfriend and other times we're each others' boy, so to speak. You know, throwing the football on a nice afternoon, wrestling (and I mean seriously trying to hurt one another :p), or heating on each other (dissing one another's family, just in fun). But I try to make an effort not to use his name too much because I know some people start to think that's all to you (although you just might be so happy that you share a lot of time together or are in such good sync with one another).

Loose lips sink (relation)ships...
 

Now, this is from MY own experiences, but I've learned that when I talk about a person too much, something bad always happens to our relationship. Or that person does a 180 on me. So, I really try to keep "MY MAN" comments to a minimal, so I won't look like a fool if it doesn't work out.

But, I go thru such long droughts w/o a man that when I get one, it's VERY hard not to talk about him allllll the time.

Re: Loose lips sink (relation)ships...
 

HMMMMMMMM I am the same way.

DST Love, you're my kinda girl! I spend my Sundays (after church, of course) and my whole Saturday watching college football!

Re: Loose lips sink (relation)ships...
 

Well you're definitely right about that. What I mean is I may say in conversation, "Yeah, he and I were watching such and such" or "we went to such and such restaurant". But I definitely don't like to talk details about how our relationships is doing. That definitely can come back to bite you.

Go 'head, Mz. Sports Luva!! Now you know I have to serve the Lord first on Sunday but football's right after that and the whole rest of the day.

I COMPLETELY agree!!!!! I'm feelin' you, I'm feelin' you. I'm even starting to enjoy things I never really did before. I don't like to admit it, though. Like, I don't mind watching football on Sunday (only the Browns, though, lol). But I'm not watching it all weekend, and not Monday, either. But I enjoy it while I watch it. I really hate to admit this one, but I am really loving the PS2. :o

It's cool to hang out with someone who you love AND you think that they are cool as h*ll! Because that is hard to find, you know?

Well my boyfriend and I go at it playing Madden on the PlayStation. He keeps wanting to battle because I'm better at it than he thought :p :D ;) !!

I hate to say this but.................
 

I love my Sfs, and I love my other friends too, but sometimes they get wayyyyyyyy too caught up in their mates. I'm not a bitter old hag with no man so it's not jealousy. It's just that when you're in love sometimes you're hella blind.

When your friends have gone through the ups and downs of the relationship with you it's a bit difficult to listen to them constanly talk about how "Billy Bob say's he just can't live without me" when you know he hasn't called your girl in a week.

It's kinda hard to hear "Billy Bob says he loves no one but me" when you know he was caught in your girls house gettin it on with that freak Bonquisha from down the street.

I've been in love and I know the feeling is something you just want to shout from the rooftops, but if there's rarely anything else to talk about....som inner soul searching is in order.

Think about who YOU are. No matter how much in love you are , you can never lose sight of YOU.

Re: I hate to say this but.................
 

But that goes back to what Mz. Sports Luva was saying. One shouldn't be telling their detailed business to anyone in the first place, good or bad. It reminds me of an episode of "For Your Love" when Bobbi's friend hated Reggie. And the friend admitted that all Bobbi ever said to her was all the bad things that he did so she had a perception of him. And Bobbi admitted that she shouldn't always run to people venting everytime they argue. 'Cause let's keep it real, girls will be quick to run to their friend cryin' and complaining when they are arguing with their man. And of course, the friend's gonna get a certain perception of him because that may be most of what they always hear.

As far as losing one's self, you're right about staying in touch with you. I think one begins to lose themselves when doing things that make their mate happy makes them consistently unhappy. However one shouldn't be so independent and all about themselves to the point of where you're trying to prove to yourself or others that you are so strong (and girl he ain't gonna change me) that you don't learn how to open up and be in growing, sharing relationship. A Pastor at a church I visit said that a lot of women are so busy trying to prove how independent they are that a man starts to wonder if he would even be able to add anything. (And yes, I'm quite independent and fiesty.) But I can say that in addition to my family, my boyfriend has added so much to my life as he tells me I have to him. But I definitely agree that women can tend to lose themselves instead of just sharing.

I know for me I've been with my boyfriend for so many years so it's not a new love thing for us. It's definitely a sincere deep friendship that both of our families and friends always talk about. Matter of fact, my boyfriend was just telling me how his friend was saying that he (my boyfriend) is lucky to be in a relationship where you can hang out with your girl and share the same interest. His parents always laugh at us when they see us play fighting or dissin' each other.

see you're a perfect example of being well balanced!

I agree with you on all points.