Kicked Out of My Fraternity. Did They do Something Wrong?
 

I apologize in advance if this is posted in the wrong section. I couldn't decide the best place to put it.

I received a bid from my fraternity spring semester 2009. I didn't accept it until about 3 weeks before the semester ended. Had I accepted it on time I would have initiated that semester.

After that semester I was academically dismissed from the college. It had nothing to do with academics. It was because of drama that I wasn't involved in but I was named as the source of it. However, giving me an academic dismissal allowed me to return to the college after being absent for one semester. Regular dismissal I would have had to wait 5 years.

I stayed in my college town and attended the local community college. This gave me the opportunity to stay connected to campus. The fraternity president met with the Assistant Director of Greek Life weekly during the semester. She was aware of and approved of my participation in greek life while I was not a student. She said that the only restriction was that I could not appear on official rosters. However, I was still bound by the college rules. I had to go to required greek functions, do study tables, etc. Our advisor was also aware of my situation as he and I had discussed the requirements of my re-admission. Of course, I also announced the problem to my brothers. They were very supportive. They also asked how classes were going.

I participated in our annual events, food drive, formal, Relay for Life, Make a Difference Day, and put in countless hours of community service. My car was even our homecoming float. I was nominated for Greek Council and IFC. I was elected to the third highest position in the fraternity and appointed to another position.

I was re-admitted to the college for this (Spring 2010) semester. However, the out-going Dean of Students decided that I shouldn't have participated last semester since I was attending classes there. I don't believe I did anything wrong as I followed the directions I was given. However, he spoke only of the past. Once I was readmitted I could participate again.

I have been working two jobs so I have only been at the required meeting this semester. I was removed from my positions without a word being said to me. I was just told at the meeting that another brother would take over. There were no new elections and the other brothers seemed confused as well.

I got an email from our new fraternity president saying that I needed to come to the exec board meeting to discuss my future membership in the fraternity. My grandmother passed away that week so I sent a message out on the listserv telling everyone. I got only one reply. It was from a brother on the exec board who said that he spoke for the whole fraternity and that I would be excused from meetings for as long as I needed to be.

However, the next week, immediately after chapter I received an email from the fraternity president saying that I had been given a one week extension and that I had failed to show up. Exec board has decided to terminate my membership. I was told not to come to meetings, events, wear letters, or come to the house. There was no reason given.

I emailed him back and asked if there was a reason. This seemed to come out of nowhere. Our fraternity is certainly not in a position to be kicking people out. We have only 7 brothers. I was upset by the cold tone of the email. It also bothered me that I could not go to events or go to the house. These are restrictions that would not be imposed on anyone else in the college community and it makes me feel that I am in trouble. It's unreasonable for me to have been required to be at the meeting but even if I were required to be there he should have told me. He seems uncaring about my loss. My grandmother and my family are certainly more important to me than my fraternity.

I have received no response whatsoever.

I noticed that everyone accept for our three new members, the alumni and my big deleted me from Facebook. It seems such a trivial thing to be upset about but it's the thing that hurts the most just because it's so trivial. And since they all did it they must have actually sat down at some point and decided to delete me. I wasn't just friends with these guys because of my membership. Some of them I have known for years. One of them I was the person he would go to to confide his deepest emotions. I just can't understand this.

I don't want back in. This is exactly what fraternity is not. I wouldn't go back if they begged me. I just wonder if anything did is technically wrong.

If you don't want back in, does it really matter if it was technically wrong?

If you held multiple positions, and only came to one meeting, why WOULDN'T they remove you from your positions?

But it seems like you just want yourself validated, since you "wouldn't go back if they begged" you. Get over it.

And I call BS on the academic suspension thing... there's no way you're telling us the whole story. No one gets kicked out of school for no reason.

Like you said, you don't really care whether you're in or out, so why do you ask? That doesn't really add up.

I don't have any experience with your organization's rules/laws, so it'd be a little next to impossible to give accurate and helpful advice regarding the same. I can go on assumptions based on my experience with my organization only, which is something that's likely to be inaccurate when applied to your position.

So bearing that disclaimer in mind, first -- it doesn't sound like you were ever initiated. Initiates are (in my org) afforded a pretty high degree of due process, up to and including a full-blown trial where they can call witnesses and have others speak on their behalf in front of a jury consisting of the entire chapter. They are required to be given service of process, either by hand delivery or certified mail. They are even entitled to an appeal to the High Council. The rules aren't very complicated, but they're just complicated enough that someone might screw up, not properly giving notice or something like that. I suppose in that sort of situation, one could appeal his dismissal to the High Council, but to what end? They voted, they don't want you, you don't want them, shouldn't that be the end of the story?

You almost remind me of the typical criminal client -- guilty as hell, not telling me the truth about what happened, and expecting me to come up with some magic loophole to keep him out of prison.

The real world doesn't work like that. Let's just assume that everything you told us is God's honest truth.

1) You were never initiated [probably lessens the requirements of procedure to get rid of you]
2) You were one of a group of less than 10 guys.
3) They placed a lot of trust in you, electing you to an important position.
4) You decided to get a job which kept you from going to meetings [sorry, that was a choice, not a necessity, there's really no excuse for it, it telegraphs that you do not value your membership or participation in the org]
5) You said it yourself, you wouldn't rejoin if they begged you.

-- so again, why are you positing this convoluted tale of woe?

You claim you received and accepted your bid in Spring 09, but your older posts tell a different tale. You're a member. You're a local. You're a founder. You're charged with starting a colony. You're attending convention with Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia from a chapter at a different college. I guess this is a whole new fraternity that you're having issues with. Strange history you've got here since 2007. Whatever.

Wow

Excellent detective work!

I'm thinking he could have gotten a bid to another fraternity and they dropped him when they found out he was Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia

___Setting everything straight___

1. I am a Sinfonian, I started a local and the school blocked it, I joined another fraternity. It's not that difficult to understand. It may be an unusual greek story but it is what happened.

2. They knew I was a Sinfonian. There is a loophole which allows me to join another fraternity.

3. Getting kicked out for no reason is exactly why I am upset. I posted here to see if this was a normal occurrence or as outrageous as I perceive it.

4. I was not initiated into this latest fraternity. However, I cannot tell you my membership designation without revealing the name of the fraternity. The only restrictions are that I could not be president and I could not participate in my own ritual.

5. My lack of attendance at the meetings was pre-approved. We're so small that we don't have many meetings anyway.

6. Getting a job was not a choice. It's my means for survival. Grow up, get in the real world and you will understand this. Also, the job never interfered with meetings.

LOL

My sentiments exactly. This kid is not unique. There are hundreds of thousands of kids who had zero problems getting jobs which didn't interfere with their fraternity.

As far as that membership restriction, to anyone who is not in that org, we don't know the level of process you're entitled to. My suspicion is that it's zero.

As far as you being kicked out, I don't think it's outrageous at all. It's a predictable response to someone who clearly doesn't give two shits about his fraternity.

Good job on contradicting yourself. Oh and the person you told to grow up and get in the real world is a Lawyer.

Kevin, what is your deal? How can you say I don't give two shits about it? They gave me a bid to be the "new face of" XXX fraternity. I wouldn't be upset about it if I didn't care would I?

And again about the job thing- Do you still not understand that the job did not interfere?

So what if he's a lawyer? He's not being rational.


I didn't contradict myself. There has been only one required meeting. Therefore I met my obligations. The only other event we had was video games which I was excused from. We had to close our campus due to a food poisoning outbreak so we haven't had many events.