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Future85 01-07-2010 01:11 AM

Need some help...
 
Okay, so here's my story. I just transferred to a new school in the Fall of 2009 and knew that I wanted to join a sorority. In the beginning of the semester my school had a fair with all the organizations present and I ended up talking to two sororities: Alpha Gamma Delta and a multicultural one. At that point because I didn't know anyone at the school I didn't know which one I was more interested in so I figured I would go to the rush events and see where I stood from there. Alpha Gamma Delta's events were like 3 weeks before the other sorority's events so I went to like 3 out of the 5 and ended up getting a bid. Yay me! The night I received my bid(Friday) we were informed that x-amount of money was due on Wednesday. I was like damn well that was a waste of time then because I am unemployed due to just moving to the area and not having parents to support me financially. (I know there is fees/dues/etc when involved in a sorority but I didn't think it would be due that soon) But then they informed us they'd work with us with with us in getting the money if we don't have it so I ended up accepting my bid. About a week later I get an email from one of the sisters with a list of other fees associated with the sorority thats now due. Once again I'm told they'll work with me to get them paid, especially because they knew I was waiting on a refund from the school which I planned on using to pay all my fees. At this point I'm still going through pledging and during our weekly "classes" we're given assignments to have "dates" with different sisters and every time that I try to contact someone I either a)get ignored or b)they're too busy to get together, this includes my sister mother. Then I ended up staying home from class one night because I didn't feel good, text my sister mother(since she's the only ones number I had) and asked her to let them know. A few days later I see one of the sisters and she gets an attitude with me saying "next time you're going to miss a class let someone know because we waited for like 15 minutes for you" and I explained the situation. As time went on I started to question whether or not Alpha Gamma Delta was the right sorority for me but continued to go through the process because I really did like a lot of the girls(especially the other pledges). About a month before initiation we had our regular weekly meeting when the sister, who told me she would work with me to get the money, and my sister mother pulled me aside and told me that if I didn't have all the money in 2 days that I could no longer continue with the process. Obviously I don't have the money and was unable to be initiated. So now, I am a little upset by this because if I would've realized that it wasn't going to be worked out realistically I would've never wasted their time or mine attending the meetings, classes, bid day, etc. and waited to do the sorority thing. They suggested to me to wait until the Spring semester to pledge but honestly I don't know if I really want to any more. Maybe it's just me being paranoid but I think that because I didn't finish the first time around, it'll be held against me.

Then I still keep thinking about that other sorority. So my questions are:
1.) Am I eligible to rush/pledge the other sorority even after accepting a bid to AGD?
2.) Would it be better to inform them of my situation with AGD ahead of time so it's not like I'm "hiding" anything?
3.) Do any of you have any other advice about this situation?

KSUViolet06 01-07-2010 01:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Future85 (Post 1882143)
Okay, so here's my story. I just transferred to a new school in the Fall of 2009 and knew that I wanted to join a sorority. In the beginning of the semester my school had a fair with all the organizations present and I ended up talking to two sororities: Alpha Gamma Delta and a multicultural one. At that point because I didn't know anyone at the school I didn't know which one I was more interested in so I figured I would go to the rush events and see where I stood from there. Alpha Gamma Delta's events were like 3 weeks before the other sorority's events so I went to like 3 out of the 5 and ended up getting a bid. Yay me! The night I received my bid(Friday) we were informed that x-amount of money was due on Wednesday. I was like damn well that was a waste of time then because I am unemployed due to just moving to the area and not having parents to support me financially. (I know there is fees/dues/etc when involved in a sorority but I didn't think it would be due that soon) But then they informed us they'd work with us with with us in getting the money if we don't have it so I ended up accepting my bid. About a week later I get an email from one of the sisters with a list of other fees associated with the sorority thats now due. Once again I'm told they'll work with me to get them paid, especially because they knew I was waiting on a refund from the school which I planned on using to pay all my fees. At this point I'm still going through pledging and during our weekly "classes" we're given assignments to have "dates" with different sisters and every time that I try to contact someone I either a)get ignored or b)they're too busy to get together, this includes my sister mother. Then I ended up staying home from class one night because I didn't feel good, text my sister mother(since she's the only ones number I had) and asked her to let them know. A few days later I see one of the sisters and she gets an attitude with me saying "next time you're going to miss a class let someone know because we waited for like 15 minutes for you" and I explained the situation. As time went on I started to question whether or not Alpha Gamma Delta was the right sorority for me but continued to go through the process because I really did like a lot of the girls(especially the other pledges). About a month before initiation we had our regular weekly meeting when the sister, who told me she would work with me to get the money, and my sister mother pulled me aside and told me that if I didn't have all the money in 2 days that I could no longer continue with the process. Obviously I don't have the money and was unable to be initiated. So now, I am a little upset by this because if I would've realized that it wasn't going to be worked out realistically I would've never wasted their time or mine attending the meetings, classes, bid day, etc. and waited to do the sorority thing. They suggested to me to wait until the Spring semester to pledge but honestly I don't know if I really want to any more. Maybe it's just me being paranoid but I think that because I didn't finish the first time around, it'll be held against me.

Then I still keep thinking about that other sorority. So my questions are:
1.) Am I eligible to rush/pledge the other sorority even after accepting a bid to AGD?
2.) Would it be better to inform them of my situation with AGD ahead of time so it's not like I'm "hiding" anything?
3.) Do any of you have any other advice about this situation?


Some thoughts:

You could have easily asked your questions without throwing unnecessary shade on Alpha Gam (and talking about your sister-mother and such).

While it is unfortunate that you did not have the money to join, that is not AGD's fault. All the extra detail makes you appear to have some sort of axe to grind.

A simple "I dropped out of an NPC sorority, am I eligible to rush a multicultural one?" would have gotten the point across just fine.

Also, the multicultural group you are interested in will likely have financial (and other) obligations for you to meet as well. Those will likely have due dates as well. That is not unique to AGD.

How are you going to handle that? If you can't, are you going to flip it and make them look like bad guys too?

I also call shenanigans on you on being surprised 2 days before initiation about money. But that's neither here nor there...

Good luck to you in your pursuits.


AnotherKD 01-07-2010 09:12 AM

^^ All of that. But I just think it's really shitty to call out AGD like that. They are a wonderful organization, as are all of the sororities, and whatever personal things you have going on shouldn't be attributed to them. Next time, keep things general.

33girl 01-07-2010 12:21 PM

Wow, talk about a one sided story.

Zillini 01-07-2010 12:55 PM

I agree with all the above posters. If you felt the need to spell out your story with details the least you could have done was not call out the org by name. "XYZ" would have worked. As for the specifics, you hold some responsibility in this too and shouldn't be pawning it all off on the org.

Every GLO has financial obligations and due dates. Some offer payment plans, some can't. Were the obligations provided to you in a timely manner? Were due dates announced? Were consequences of not meeting the due dates explained? The appropriate person to contact with questions/problems is the Treasurer or whatever the finance officer is called. Did you do that? If yes, then did you do so before a due date or wait until afterwards?

If you were having troubles getting the necessary sisters to meet with you, did you go to someone for help? Typically the appropriate person to contact would be the new member educator. Did the other new members have the same trouble?

When you cannot make a mandatory meeting you need to tell the appropriate person, again that should have been the new member educator. Since you said you had already had problems with your "sister mother", it shouldn't have been a surprise that she didn't relay your message to the appropriate person. Besides, it's your responsibility. And why don't you have anyone else's phone number?

So now you want to join another group. Do you realize they'll have financial responsibilities, mandatory meetings, and assignments too? What will be different?

ColdInCanada11 01-07-2010 01:15 PM

Maybe my friend and I who went through recruitment were over-prepared, but I'm at a SUPER low key school, and we still assumed that at least part of your dues would be due soon. The New Member Handbook specifically states what initiation requirements are (including financials).

I know that not every chapter is the same (obviously), and I don't know your chapter, but I find it hard to believe that not a single sister reached out to you. You have to put in some of the effort also. If you only had your sister-mom's cell number, you could have asked for other people's. And if you were having trouble with your sister-mom, you could have talked to your new member coordinator. There are options, you just have to put in a little work.

agzg 01-07-2010 01:20 PM

:(

A few heart-to-hearts with your new member coordinator and VP Finance could have made your new member process a lot less painful.

As for joining another group, as long as they are not an NPC organization, you should be fine, but check with the multicultural sorority as to whether or not you are eligible per their bylaws and any councils they may be members of.

DGTess 01-08-2010 07:28 PM

Less harshly....

If you want to be an AGD, in your heart, consider putting off your initiation for a semester, if you chapter and national permit it. But do the homework now and find out what types, if not specific amounts, will be due when, and whether or not you can meet the financial obligations.

As one who had to eat nothing but soup for months in college and barely scraped by to pay dues, I truly understand the difficulties. It will come down to two things - whether you can realistically meet obligations (not niceties, necessarily, but obligations) and how willing you are to sacrifice to make it happen.

If you haven't been initiated, you can drop and join another organization, but that's a decision only you can make. Think not only now, but 25 years down the road. I know that's difficult, but you have to peer into your heart and see what's there.

agzg 01-08-2010 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DGTess (Post 1883010)
Less harshly....

If you want to be an AGD, in your heart, consider putting off your initiation for a semester, if you chapter and national permit it. But do the homework now and find out what types, if not specific amounts, will be due when, and whether or not you can meet the financial obligations.

As one who had to eat nothing but soup for months in college and barely scraped by to pay dues, I truly understand the difficulties. It will come down to two things - whether you can realistically meet obligations (not niceties, necessarily, but obligations) and how willing you are to sacrifice to make it happen.

If you haven't been initiated, you can drop and join another organization, but that's a decision only you can make. Think not only now, but 25 years down the road. I know that's difficult, but you have to peer into your heart and see what's there.

I do believe the question has already been answered sufficiently by not one but two Alpha Gams, one giving advice into making it work with AGD and another giving advice as to how to go about joining another group should AGD not be for her.

Considering the nature of what the OP says about Alpha Gam, the answers were not harsh. Keep it moving, please.

33girl 01-08-2010 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by agzg (Post 1883021)
I do believe the question has already been answered sufficiently by not one but two Alpha Gams, one giving advice into making it work with AGD and another giving advice as to how to go about joining another group should AGD not be for her.

Considering the nature of what the OP says about Alpha Gam, the answers were not harsh. Keep it moving, please.

Seriously yo. I wonder if the NPC in question had been DG if the answer would have been the same. Considering it sounds like the only reason she went w/ an NPC is because the rush events happened first, not to even mention the financial crap, she should have gotten a much harder spanking. I think TanikaJ & her mom are distracting us.

Blue Skies 01-08-2010 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Future85 (Post 1882143)
They suggested to me to wait until the Spring semester to pledge but honestly I don't know if I really want to any more. Maybe it's just me being paranoid but I think that because I didn't finish the first time around, it'll be held against me.

They already told you that you could do it. I would trust them.

The big issue is the money. Know what is due and when, and make sure that you can handle it from now on. That may mean getting a part-time job to supplement your financial aid. Often the on-campus jobs that are reserved for financial-aid students (I think they were called co-op jobs in my day) are your best bet. Those jobs pay well, and your boss is usually more willing to work with you in terms of coordinating with your classes and schoolwork.

I agree with above posters that you need the phone number of your new member educator...and the phone numbers of other members and pledges as well. Work with your new member educator about any logistical problems that arise.

You had a bit of a rough landing (beginning your college education, joining a sorority, etc.) and that's a part of life. Navigate this and you will be on the pathway to becoming a strong, successful woman who can weather the many other challenges that will come your way. You joined a wonderful organization. I would keep pursuing this opportunity, if you possibly can. Your future sisters can be a source of strength to you.

Future85 01-09-2010 06:51 PM

I definitely don't have anything against AGD, so sorry if it seems that way and you're right I should've probably listed them as XYZ but thought maybe some of you who were actually sisters would've been able to help me out a little better than if I just put XYZ. I didn't intend for it to be negative at all.

Also, I know there is financial responsibilities associated with any sorority but because they told me they were willing to work with me, I saw it as being doable to get the money. However, while I have been home now for 7 months I have not had any luck with finding a job. I just didn't like that I was told I'd be worked with then it's like well you have 2 days to come up with these two different amounts. I was never given an actual set due date(s).

JohnnyCash 01-09-2010 07:12 PM

TLDNR

KSUViolet06 01-09-2010 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Future85 (Post 1883253)
I definitely don't have anything against AGD, so sorry if it seems that way and you're right I should've probably listed them as XYZ but thought maybe some of you who were actually sisters would've been able to help me out a little better than if I just put XYZ. I didn't intend for it to be negative at all.

Also, I know there is financial responsibilities associated with any sorority but because they told me they were willing to work with me, I saw it as being doable to get the money. However, while I have been home now for 7 months I have not had any luck with finding a job. I just didn't like that I was told I'd be worked with then it's like well you have 2 days to come up with these two different amounts. I was never given an actual set due date(s).

That's all over with now. No sense in debating the "fairness" of that sorority and it's financial policies.

I suggest finding a job and getting things in order first before even attempting to commit to another sorority, as I can assure you that every sorority has financial obligations.

ADPiTigergurl 01-10-2010 02:06 AM

ok so just to let you know your chater isn't the only one who wants dues pretty soon after bid day. My chapter needed 80 dollars (no this is not all of our dues) on bid night ( and no im not financially well off). Yes, literally go to bid day, go home change and get a check and come back to the house to continue with the day. Although I may not of "wanted" to pay that night, I managed to plan and simple. There were a few girls who couldn't comne up with it that night, but they had it within a day or two. Also we had to be payed in full by initiation...period end of discussion! we were given a certain ammount to be paid and a deadline to get it paid by. New member dues are higher than initiated dues ( I know this to be true for every GLO on campus so I assume it it true everywhere) and pay plans are not available for new members, where there are for initiated members. SO I find it EXTREMELY hard to believe you were just told to pay two days before everything was due. Did you hear any other new members complaining about this? Like others have said were you really the only one having these "problems" or are you having a pity party?

I would say you may need to try to save up some money, so you will be prepared for the next time, if tha happens.


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