Deferring a bid - a good idea?
 

Hey,

so basically I rushed two fraternities, one which came to be my top choice and one which came to be my "backup". The backup has some nice guys in it to be sure, but I'm not crazy about their lack of socials/events and programming compared to my top choice, which also had some really nice/cool guys.

Anyway, top choice president told me that I couldn't be offered a bid simply because they had a lot of freshmen rush this year, and they wanted to stay a certain size and so they didn't take any upperclassmen, not just me. And I am a Junior who transferred to my school last year, so I understand why they would prioritize Freshmen and I'll try not to take it personally even though I'm really disappointed.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I will get a bid from my 'backup' because they seem to like me, and for all these emo reasons which I won't get into I would still really like to be in a frat and be part of a brotherhood, but since I have reservations still I think I will defer the bid until next semester. (Which the rush chair told me was an option.)

Anyway, can anyone who deferred a bid tell me what it was like? Like how often you hung out with the brothers, whether you could call them up at any time like if they were an actual brother, how many events you were invited to, etc.

Rush chair told me that if I deferred I wouldnt have access to the house at any time like if I pledged, and I couldn't join any commitees or attend chapter meetings (which I really don't care about anyway).

Just wanted to hear your guy's thoughts on deferring a bid and what that's like.

Don't string backup along. It's not nice. It's also quite apparent why you're doing what you're doing and word will get back to backup in 2.5 seconds. Shit or get off the pot.

It sounds to me like you're joining for the wrong reasons. What I'm reading is that you're judging the groups based on how good their parties are, and you don't care about chapter operations or getting involved. This is a big commitment, and no matter what fraternity you join you're going to be expected to contribute. I think you should think seriously about whether you're ready to join any group.

And this...

.. might not be the reason you weren't offered a bid. If there were other reasons why, the brothers won't tell you.

Don't get me wrong, this actually could be the reason, but there's also a chance that it was an "easy answer" to your wondering why you weren't invited to join.

This second fraternity actually wants you to be a member, but you're holding out for a group that didn't offer you a bid? To me, that sounds ridiculous, especially if it's only because their social calendar isn't as extensive as the other.

Hey guys,

I think you misunderstand me. Transferring in especially, it's really, really difficult to meet people at the specific school I'm in. Last year I was super miserable because it was so hard to make friends, even with all the different clubs I joined.

I'm not much of a partier (actually I hate super-large parties). The reason I mentioned their socials and formals and stuff was because 1st frat just seemed to have better social networking. I mean, obviously I care about being a brotherhood, but I'd also like to branch out and meet more people on campus and it seems like backup frat only hangs out with themselves.

But yeah, I would feel really bad stringing anyone along....

Well, I'll be honest... I've known a good number of people who have deferred bids... but it was for reasons such as: Need to focus on school, personal/family problems, money issues, etc. It was more of an "I'd love to join, I just can't right now" type situation.

But what you're saying is, "I'll hold off to see if this other group who didn't offer me a bid, offers one to me next semester." Just think of how it will look to them if you're attending the other fraternities rush activities, while they're holding a bid for you.

Also, remember that when you join, you are joining with a new class. You will become very close to your pledge class as you spend a lot of time together getting through pledgeship. If you think your house needs to branch out more and be more social, have more parties, etc. you can bring that to your pledge class and be the group that gets it started.

The next year you can either help toward Social Chair or Rush Chair and mold the house.

Just a thought.

Deferred bids also leave time for you to really mess up and have your bid taken away, whereas if you're a pledge you have more leeway. Personally, I would accept is you like the brotherhood and like what they're all about. Your bid still being available next semester is NOT a 100% guarantee. I know my chapter has met people who deferred our bid till the fall/spring and we end up choosing to revoke the bid over a wide variety of issues.

I wouldn't put off the fun, brotherhood, leadership, etc. for another semester. Jump in, start making friends, be a part of planning the events you want to attend. You'll be fine.

I'm surprised that you are able to defer a bid. Some schools, like mine, do not allow defered bids. A bid is only good during that recruitment period. You would have to re-earn the bid if you rushed the chapter later.

Anyways, I wouldn't recommend deferring the bid if it's a fraternity you like.

You have one of two options: 1) Defer the bid and hold out for a fraternity that has already turned you down once. Like it was previously said, they may have told you one thing and its really something else. You have an organization that does want you. Many people don't get a bid from even one organization, and would kill to get it. or 2) Nut up and rush with the guys that want you. Be a leader in their ranks and get that social calender filled up. A social calender is a simple thing to fix. All it takes is phone calls and planning. Push the brothers of your 'backup' out into the world. Also, don't make the mistake of seeing them keep to themselves as a bad thing. Often times, the ones that keep to themselves have the strongest brotherhood bonds. Its not going to be the 10,000 people that know who your fraternity is that will answer the call at 3 am when you are stuck 1/2 way across the country with a broke down car, it would be those brothers that you are hesitant to join because they "keep to themselves".