fraternity disconnect
 

hey all,

just an interesting situation with my fraternity. feel free to provide thoughts / feedback / opinions.

i joined my school's sigep (private school, east coast) about 3 years ago as a freshman. back then we had a small chapter of about 35-40 guys and nationals had us on the chopping block. we actively tried to recruit charismatic, non-"bro" type guys. we were the "not your typical fraternity" on a largely non-greek campus.

in the last year we expanded by about 20-25 guys, which was truly an impressive feat. but as we started growing, it was evident there was a growing disconnect between some of the older brothers and the newer brothers. i guess this can happen when you grow that quickly. some of the brothers a year older than myself actively were a little unhappy with the direction of the fraternity and they just stopped paying dues. i would say we lost a good 4000 bucks in dues in the past few semesters from these brothers.

to be honest, i'm not sure i feel happy with the direction the fraternity is heading, either. the same can be said of many other brothers who represent the last of the older guys in the fraternity. we're graduating about 25 seniors this year so our numbers are going to be diminished.

here's my concern:

we have a lot of internal e-board arguments. some of the younger guys we recruited recently aren't really the quality guys we were used to getting -- we've often been split about who we offer bids to, etc. the fraternity is cliquish. a lot of the older guys including myself are close to the other older guys and some complain that there's a lack of brotherhood, a general lack of desire to meet new people (and reach out to the rest of the campus instead of the same old sorority girls), and too much general "bro"-ness (excuse the term). i'm in that same position. but i don't want to just bail on my brothers (they're still brothers to me and will always be) by not paying my dues and not showing up to any of the events (another common phenomenon). what do i do? what do we do?

of course i don't expect any solutions, but i thought this would be an interesting talking point. maybe i'm just getting old, who knows. anyway, thanks for hearing this out.

Honestly, your best bet would be to talk to somebody from your I/HQ or maybe an older alum from your chapter.

Ultimately a fraternity is no more than its members, so things like reputation and values can change rapidly. In my experience, the "not fraternity type" fraternity cannot remain that way as they get larger and begin to appeal to and recruit a broader range of men. A disconnect is understandable and I've seen many older members become jaded by it. Try to remember why you joined and the reasons you value your fraternity membership; seek out those commonalities in older brothers and encourage them in newer ones.

Quitting will often prevent you from becoming an active alumnus (check your fraternity's policy) and that would be the real shame in the situation. It's shortsighted to leave something now when it could discount you the rewarding experience of being an an active alumnus which may be just what you're looking for to reconnect with why you love your fraternity.

P.S. - Vito, what does I/HQ have to no with anything?

I'm guessing he's thinking of chapter consultants, who in Sig Ep are, I think, called regional directors (or RDs).

Yeah that's exactly what I'm thinking of. Psi Upsilon doesn't really have traveling consultants, so when we need advise that our alum can't give we normally have to call the director of chapter services.

Maybe its because you're all balanced men.

We have Regional Directors and District Governors. I'm actually meeting with our RD tomorrow.

Anyway, it wouldn't hurt to talk to your RD. They always have great advice about any situation. Also, my chapter went through a massive growth like yours a few years ago and went through the same issues. The older guys are definitely going to keep a bit of a clique b/c the whole chapter, when it was like 25 people, was one big clique itself. It's a social shock when you suddenly double the chapter. Really, most of the change sits with the younger people. Younger guys need to ask older guys what they need, older guys need to tell younger guys what they want. My chapter only has about 3 or 4 'old' guys around right now which is kind of nice because the chapter can begin to head in a new direction. [ETA: I do miss the older guys' input, though.]

And when it comes to bidding guys, don't bid everyone just because you need numbers! Recruit to keep your chapter functioning well and heading in a positive direction. You need to find guys who are mid-high quality guys and let the Fraternity better them. That's one of the aims of our organization and, at least with my chapter, it really works.

Is there a problem with being a 'Balanced Man?'

yeah, i guess you're right pshsx1. thanks for the advice.

and i think the balanced man thing is an interesting point, although a bad joke by elephant walk. perhaps things would be a lot different if we were a pledging chapter given the problems we've had with chapter involvement, etc.

so an update: one of our eboard members was recently impeached (unsuccessfully), the eboard and the chapter are like 2 distinct entities, and brothers are threatening to leave the fraternity pending the upcoming eboard election results. oh, and if we don't recruit enough guys by the end of the school year we face getting kicked off campus. yeah.

A few things about this situation: I have personally seen this scenario in my fraternity as well, there are always going to be cliques in a fraternity because we naturally just hang out with people we're attracted to. Not everyone in the fraternity has the same head on their shoulders and this is not a bad thing. Being in your position and obviously seeing that your worried about the direction your fraternity will end up, my best advice is to try to integrate the old brothers and the new members as much as possible by inviting them to hang out. When I was first initiated it took me a good semester to find where I fit in with my fraternity, because I was nervous and was always afraid what people really thought of me, this could be the case with your new guys.. Perhaps these older members have a mindset where the new guys should come talk to them because what do the old guys owe the new guys? This is a horrible mindset and just rips fraternities apart. Ultimately, if brothers are feeling detached from the fraternity and want to quit, this is at their own discretion. However, what I have to say to you is that fraternity is for life, you don't stop being a brother simply because you don't like the new guys, etc. Give the effort, and you will reap cohesion and a stronger brotherhood. As for the unsuccessful impeachment, perhaps a brother retreat to refocus on what is really important and where you guys want the fraternity to go. It sounds like chaos is running around and you need to stop it as soon as possible.

> there are always going to be cliques in a fraternity because we naturally just hang out with people we're attracted to. Not everyone in the fraternity has the same head on their shoulders and this is not a bad thing.

Exactly. Having different cliques or even "factions" isn't at all bad, provided those groups have a mutual respect. You get a wider variety of ideas, and the people in your group will connect with a wider variety of rushees. Of course, that's provided that your meetings aren't turning into bloodbaths.

To the OP: One thing to keep in mind is that as a senior, you've already gotten most of what you'll get out of the fraternity experience. To put it another way -- whatever decisions your group makes today will affect you and your fellow seniors for the next few months, but this last pledge class (presumably sophomores now) will have to live with those decisions for the next three years. In some ways they've got more at stake than you do. That doesn't mean you and your fellow seniors should just hand over the reins of power to them, but you might wanna find out what *they* want and expect out of the fraternity, and if you find their goals and desires to be basically worthwhile -- even if they don't exactly agree with your own -- help them to make those things happen.

This has no relation to the topic of this thread, but I have a major issue with this statement. You're in college for four years, you're in your fraternity for life. If you involvement ends when you graduate you are losing out on what many describe as the most rewarding part of your fraternity experience. I can't speak from personal experience (YET!) but so many greekchatters attest to the real, lasting bonds they've formed with people after they've graduated. In his Founders Day Message, our "AA" (International President) commented on how he attended a brother's wedding recently and realized that none of the brothers their were even from his chapter, yet they were some of the brothers he was closest too.

Sorry for the rant, you may now return to your regularly scheduled GC.

Fixed your post for you.

The responsible brother wants to leave a strong chapter as he moves into is experience as an alumnus brother.

fraternity
 

Amen to that Mystic Cat!