How do you teach conversational skills?
 

One of the posts in recruitment stories had me wondering, how do you teach someone how to carry a conversation and be personable?

I don't really have trouble with this, but on the flip side, I can't explain how to do it. I have some instances where it is almost painful to watch some people I know in these kind of situations. During rush, you could just put more personable people in the forefront. But how about post-college?

I see a lot of really kind people kind of dismissed because they seem standoffish and reserved when really they just don't know how to make conversation.

I don't think you can really teach someone how to be personable -- some folks are just introverted by nature. I think those who need to beef up their conversational skills just need to practice (sitting down with people they trust to become more comfortable with small talk, etc).

Otherwise, necessity will force them to pick up the skills (in the real world, you have to network and make small talk, so if they want to succeed, they'll need to work on it).

Hope that made sense.

I think you can teach conversation skills, but you're right that it can be tricky to explain. My conversation skills improved a lot through my undergrad years in recruitment school, convo practice and recruitment itself.

A good resource is the time-tested book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie - a classic must-read. There are plenty of other books out there that outline how to be a great conversationalist.

Simple pointers for the conversationally-challenged include:
-Ask open-ended questions about the other person (people love to talk about themselves)
-Express genuine interest in the other person
-Understand when the other person is discussing a topic they DO NOT want to pursue, and when they are discussing they DO want to pursue
-Practice relaxed and comfortable body language with others
-Look people in the eye when talking to them
-Relate what they are saying to short stories or anecdotes from your own experience (especially if they are funny or interesting)
-Whenever possible, put yourself in a confident position, even if it's a mental thing only, do what you can to make yourself more confident (extra effort into your clothes/hair, assume better posture, mentally tell yourself how great you are, etc.)


There are so many more things that you can work on, but it will take practice.

I used this a lot last year, rush is pratically speed dating.
Practice is the biggest thing. Have some of your older members prestend to be a PNM. Practice practice practice practice.
Give them a list of topics to bring up with the PNM. We have certain topics for each night.

I don't think you can teach conversational skills specifically - but I think a person can become more comfortable in their own skin and more confident, and in doing so can be more natural in conversation (and public speaking in general).

You can 100% teach communication skills, and you can 100% learn the decorum and special considerations that are involved in situational conversation.

It is VERY difficult to teach someone to apply these two things a.) to each other and b.) to a specific time/place/conversation, rather than a general or theoretical one.

Practice is important, but difficult, especially for those who suck to start. It's an issue of self-confidence as well. The main thing is understanding your goal for the situation, obtaining a comfort level, and keeping decorum based upon your understanding of the situation. The main problem is that you can't teach charisma - you can give tips to improve dynamism in speaking or interpersonal relationships, but it's difficult to teach "feel" for people, situations or events. It's similar to alcohol, really - a couple of drinks can be great for some people in social situations, but it's hard to know the amount that is appropriate, and it can lead to other, more difficult issues beyond what's gained in comfort or openness.

The key is to look like me.

Fixed.