Southern wedding
 

What is appropriate for a middle-aged old fuddy-duddy type to wear at a barbecue-theme pre-wedding dinner for a old-money Deep South wedding? Would it be the same kind of outfit one would wear to Derby or Foxfields? I assume a VV or LP sundress would be appropriate for a young woman and an oxford/khakis would be okay for a teenage boy. If it isn't, what is? Would a male need a tie for a barbecue? All you Southerners, let me know. I know what is appropriate for the actual wedding and reception, just not this dinner.

Is it being held indoors or out?

Barbecue is a messy meal - I would think a Derby-type outfit would be a bit much. A nice summer dress would probably work. As to the tie, I always think it best to wear a tie, and if ties are not being worn, simply remove it. Of course, my rule of thumb is it is better to be overdressed than underdressed.

It's actually being catered at a hotel so I'm not sure if it's in or out. It's in Western NC...if that matters. I have the same rule of thumb regarding over-underdress and luckily the teenager won't fuss too much about ties. He figured out early on that the girls he likes are the ones who like the the clean-cut types. :)

Is a sleeveless dress considered too risque for the older woman?

You could always wear a little shrug if you're worried about being sleeveless.

I don't know about risque - but you should have good arms (not necessarily Michelle Obama good, but certainly better than mine!) to do the middle-aged sleeveless thing. Given the uncertain nature of a/c (it could be warm, the room might be cold enough to hang meat in) I think the shrug idea is a good one.

Maybe it's just me, but I tend to follow the general dress code of the season rather than the region. For summer, whether I'm here in NYC or down in Florida or Texas, I usually rock a Lilly-like dress, or something different, depending on what the actual wedding venue is. Like, a boat wedding would require something a little more modest because of the wind. Hotels can be cold.

i've seen both, ties and without ties, here recently. i prefer no tie, no jacket. it always get hot. and no one risks the life of a tie to bbq.

unless the tie is the same color as hot sauce, i guess.

LOL @ FHwku, a member since 2002, being called a spammer. :D

ETA: To keep the thread on topic, I second the idea of dressing in layers. And, since there's bbq involved, I'd go with something dark or something with enough of a pattern to it that any drips might be harder to spot.

That's a really awkward statement.

ETA: Apparently we all posted at the same time.

Another idea is to talk to a "dresser" at a store near the hotel. My cousin does that for a living - puts together several appropriate outfits, and then the customer tries each on to see which looks the best. You could even go to a local Nordstom's or whatever, and have them coordinate with their store in North Carolina.

Have fun!

appropriate dress
 

Your local Talbots should offer personal shopping services. At least, they used to. I haven't seen their summer merchandise for this year.

When you say "pre-wedding," do you mean earlier the day of the wedding, the night before, or a week or two in advance?

Since she said Western NC, I'm assuming it's pork, not beef. Pork barbecue isn't nearly as messy as Texas-style beef would be. Sounds like a pig-pickin', maybe? (Or are they actually calling it a "barbecue"? People in NC rarely refer to the event as a barbecue -- barbecue means slow-cooked pulled pork -- so if they're calling it one, that in itself could be a hint as to the type and style of the event.)

FWIW, in Eastern NC a pre-wedding (as in a few weeks before the wedding) pig pickin' would mean chinos and a button-down or polo shirt for the guys, and sundresses or other summer-style dresses for the females. I've been going to them all my life and I've never worn or seen a tie. If the pig pickin' is actually the weekend of the wedding, such as the rehearsal dinner, it might be a little dressier. In my experience, Western NC (meaning the mountains) is typically less dressy than Eastern NC.

But it may depend on exactly what you mean by "Western NC." I've heard some people refer to Charlotte as Western NC. Do you mind my asking where exactly, or what hotel? PM me if you want to.

It's in Winston-Salem. That may not be truly western NC but distance-wise, it certainly seemed like that when we visited Wake Forest a couple of years ago. The barbecue (that's what it says on the invitation) is going to be an evening event held the day before the wedding. The invitation says barbecue. I think it's being held to keep all the out-of-towners entertained while the wedding party is at the rehearsal dinner.

Ah! Yeah, when you said "Western," I was thinking Asheville, Boone or further west. Winston-Salem is definitely central/piedmont NC.

Interesting to me that the invitation calls the event a barbecue, since like I said, "barbecue" in these parts typically refers only to the meat itself, not the event. (Maybe if the invitation was going all over the country, they just figured "pig pickin'" would confuse people. :D) But I'm still going to guess that just means a "nice" pig pickin', like serving yourself from the buffet rather than directly from the cooker. And since it's W-S, I'll assume Lexington-style barbecue (pulled pork cooked with a vinegar and tomato-based sauce).

I take it the invitation doesn't give a clue about attire?

Nothing else to go on, I'd still think that what you suggested in your opening post is appropriate. I'm going back and forth on whether I'd think a tie was needed -- it's not the rehearsal dinner, but it is during the wedding weekend. Honestly, if it were me, unless I could find out more info from the hosts (or the brides/groom's family, whichever you know) I'd have chinos and a button-down dress shirt on, with a tie and navy blazer handy in case. But I don't think a boy would need a tie.

Don't know if this helps.

My brother's wedding in central NC (East of Raleigh) included a pig pickin', albeit, at a very fancy country club. It was very dressy.