Chances?
 

Me and a few other friends rushed fraternities together with the intention of eventually pledging the same one (if we all agreed on one).

We ended up rushing 3 places we liked and got bids at 2 of them fairly quickly.

However we really like the 3rd one that didn't give us bids quickly. However recently my other friends have received bids while I haven't. They loved the first friend and you could tell so I'm not surprised when he got his bid first. But just recently my two other friends got bids. One of these friends made an absolute drunken fool of himself at a party they invited us to and threw up everywhere and was causing a ruckus. So I was shocked when he got a bid. Needless to say I'm pretty disappointed that my other friends have gotten bids at our top choice and I haven't. I consider myself to be a funny guy and it's not like I've been any less outgoing than my other friends when it comes to talking to the brothers. I honestly don't see why they've given out bids to my friends and not me.

I'm also a legacy at this fraternity...

Part of me just wants to just not go back and pledge at a fraternity where I had a pretty good time and they're a pretty reputable fraternity and I like the guys. And they gave me a bid during their first bid round w/ only a few other guys. So I feel like they really want me.

Should I keep going back? I think the fraternity in question is very aware that a lot of where we end up pledging depends on if all of us have bids or not. So I feel like I'll get one eventually, I just feel like I'm not as wanted. Is that normally the case when bids are handed out later?

To answer this question in full would be to know why the members of the fraternity didn't bid you right away, and no one here knows that information... unless they're a member of that particular chapter.

The one piece of advice I CAN give you: Don't worry about where your friends end up! Joining a fraternity is for life. The best thing you can do is to figure out for yourself where you fit in best, and where you're most comfortable. Because I've seen people follow their friends... sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

It's also worth noting we've gone to every rush event. And yeah, I wish I knew why they hadn't bid me quickly either.

They send out text messages though reminding us that they have rush events coming up that day, is there a point where they'd stop sending me reminders, maybe as a hint I'm not gonna get a bid?

From what you're telling me, it sounds like they're nicely telling you "thanks but no thanks." You never know if you'll get one and by the sound of things it seems like they don't think you're a fit with the chapter.

You can still hold on to hope that this chapter works out, but if you really want to join greek life look at the other options that you fit in with. Just because all your friends do the same thing doesn't mean you have to.

And do you really want to be the guy that finally gets a bid only because he keeps hanging around and they want your friends to join? Go with the chapter you like that obviously likes and wants you, you will be comfortable there, forge deeper friendships and thrive; you'll probably always wonder if they really "wanted" you at the other house, even if they finally give you a bid.

There are so many possible answers to your question, but you're not going to get a definite one here.

Maybe they've already taken too many guys.
Maybe they're looking at grades and yours aren't as high as the other guys they bid.
Maybe more of the brothers need to get to know you first.
Maybe there are some of them that just don't like you.
Maybe they think you really want to join another chapter.
Maybe their membership selection is done in stages, and they only bid 5 guys at a time.

I could go on forever. And yes, they could be saying, "We like you, but we're not going to bid you." If this is the case, be happy that they're being this nice. They could just cut you off completely. They could be sending out mass texts, and you just happened to get one.

Or again, maybe they really like you, but they had so many other great guys that they had to make a really hard decision, and by the luck of the draw, you just didn't get a bid.

You can go to every single one of their recruitment events, but it doesn't mean you HAVE to receive an invitation to their chapter. It happens all the time. Don't be so offended if this happens, and find a place where you're accepted.

Well, if they really want your friends and your friends are holding the bid and not accepting, the house will think it's a package deal and you will probably get a bid even if they didn't really care to have you. It's hard to tell when that's the case, you're the one rushing and should be able to get a feel of whether they like you or not. That said if you want that house you're really not losing anything by continuing to rush there since you already have a fall-back bid.

But if it's a regular week long rush schedule and it's Friday afternoon and you don't have a bid, ain't happening.

If the only reason that you want this particular fraternity is because your friends want it isn't the best thing.

You should go with a house that really wants you. The guys at that house may like you, but don't think you're the best fit for the house. Try giving some other houses a chance and you may find yourself in one that you really love. ;]

Plus, since fraternities make cuts after bids if they don't like a pledge (I don't know how common this is), you could theoretically get a bid to this chapter only to get cut while pledging if they didn't want you in the first place and only took you to get your friends.

Join a chapter that wants YOU.

Does this actually happen? How often?

Yes. Many NIC fraternities require some sort of membership vote prior to initiation.

From my experience, top chapters do not use this vote to actively cut members. But only to release pledges that turn out to not be worthy of membership.

So to use violetpretty's example, a chapter might take a guy they may not originally want, simply to "get his friends". (Benefit of the doubt as it were.) He would now be given the chance to prove he is worthy of that bid (and membership) based on *his own merits*. However, if he does not do that, then he may be voted down - i.e. blackballed.

And to be clear you don't always wait until the pre-initiation vote to cut pledges. If you've encouraged pledges to turn things around strongly and they are still far and away the worst pledge, you can take a vote to send 'em off.

In my 4 years I think we've probably cut 8-10 pledges and a number more have left after strong encouragement to do so that would have been cut had they stuck around.

True.

And to the bolded part - this is an example of why the number of pledges cut may not be as great a number as it could be. And it is often the best scenario for both parties. A pledge that is not going to make it is encouraged to drop (resign) which in turn allows him to save face and perhaps pursue other chapters if he wants.

We kicked out 3 or 4 this year.