Your Opinions
 

Greetings everyone. I was looking for your opinions on what I should do. I'm currently in a confusing situation with my fraternity. To start off, I'll give a quick background; I'm part of a local fraternity that has been around for 15 years at my college. I would assume like most do; I love everything about my organization, what we stand for, our traditions and my brothers. Or at least I used to.

It does not seem so long ago when a few members suggested the idea of merging with a national fraternity. At first most members objected but then were convinced slowly by the others that this was the route to go and without an official unanimous vote, before you knew it we're became established as a colony and are close to finalizing everything. The thing is, as one of the older members, this whole process went by so fast and it came as a surprise.

First off, I was always happy with being a local organization. There were national organizations at my college and if I wanted to join them, I would have. In fact, the reason I joined my fraternity was because I was proud that we were our own group. Not saying there's anything wrong with being a part of a national. I worked for my own letters, not someone else's. If we were to ever expand I thought everyone would have wanted to do it with our own letters. Some of my brothers even said that it would never happen; way to have ambition, but I do not care about whether we expand or not. May seem stupid but I was looking for a family not a networking opportunity. The former, which I thought I had.

There was no official vote that took place. Returned to school to find out that everyone was going for it. Everyone who originally shared the same opinion slowly changed their minds and was finally left alone. Now all they talk about is being a part of the national and all the benefits that come along with and only start referring to ourselves as the national and not as what we originally were. I understand that merging into a national happens quite often these days. It's especially frustrating because it's like, have you forgotten what we were already and do they not care anymore? Most of the brothers can not stop talking about can't being able to wait to wear the new letters, but it's like what's wrong with the ones you have now. No offense to anyone who has done the same thing but I feel like they've sold-out. It's disgusting.

I do have much respect for the national organization that we're being absorbed into. The only thing is it has definitely changed us. The other brothers learned that I was not fine with this decision. Since then, they're attitudes have changed towards me. I do not know what I should do. I do not think I want to be a part of this. It's just hard because there are some close relationships. What other choice do I have? I've considered dropping my letters because it's just not the same anymore. Even considered starting my own but I really love my letters. What should I do? What would you do in this situation? I appreciate you guys taking the time to read this. Thanks.

On one hand, I completely understand what your saying and why you feel the way you do. On the other, you've said some things which I believe are much more important and have little to do with joining the national...

Let me tell you a story that I think best illustrates my opinion.

The summer after my freshman year, I attended the Beta Theta Pi's annual General Convention. It was fun, exciting, etc, getting to meet Beta's from all over the country, learn more about my fraternity and so on. At the time, one of the frequent presentations at Beta's Convention was a segment called "Beta 101" in which the historian of our General Fraternity would discuss the links in ritual between Beta and many of the other fraternities and sororities. This involved the open discussion of other organizations secrets and rituals, what their letters, passwords, handshakes and "closed" mottos were. At the time, being a fairly new initiate I was pretty excited to learn the secrets of other organizations. Learning Beta's secrets had been an exciting thing and during my time on campus I had become curious about what other organizations meant. So I had definitely gone to this presentation excited.

I went to the presentation, heard the secrets of a lot of organizations (to those concerned, this presentation is no longer performed because many Beta's expressed feeling uncomfortable that this discussion was taking place at all, and that it showed a lack of respect to other orgs), and when the presentation was over...I left feeling pretty indifferent. It was like a big "so what" moment for me. After reflecting on it, I realized that the reason my letters meant so much to me had nothing to do the symbolism on my badge or what the actual letters meant or that I could give someone a handshake. Those things while fun, and nice to have really didn't hold any meaning in and of themselves. What did matter, and why my letters mean (and continue to mean so much to me) are because of the friendships and the memories that Beta has provided for me. Yes, the principles of Beta matter for me in that they crystallized what I had always known about myself in a way that was far more poetic than anything I could have ever come up with on my own. But beyond that, the only meaning really comes from the relationships that sprung out of my membership. It took finding out other organizations' secrets for me to realize that, but it was an important lesson. I heard that XYZ meant this and ABC's handshake was this and my lasting response was "oh...that's nice, what am I going to do with that information".

From some of the things you said, I think deep down you do really value those relationships, and those aren't going to go away simply because the letters on your chest change. It certainly may difficult to see the details altered, and I can understand the frustration of having this change be the dominant topic of most conversations, but I think that simply changing the outward symbols of your friendships shouldn't be enough to renounce those even if you're against the momentum of events.

That's my take on it. Feel free to disagree.

Everyone is allowed to have their own opinions, but sit back and think about why the majority of your brothers want to join a national fraternity. You may not agree with them, but unfortunately, majority rules. Do your letters mean anything to you without a brotherhood behind them? If keeping a set of letters is more important than keeping the set of brothers that came with them, then by all means drop out before you become a new fraternity member.

BINGO!

These are the parts of your post that stuck out for me - that 1) this was never officially voted on and that's upsetting to you and 2) since you are not 100% on board with it, you're getting the shaft from guys you thought were your closest friends in the world.

I think the going national part has very little to do with it or with your unhappiness - you would most likely be just as upset if something else had been handled the same way, like getting a new house. There should have been an official vote, and even if there were people who didn't want to do it, their views should be treated with respect, not blown off or pressured into submission.

I would let the rest of the members know that you have respect for the national group but that you don't like the way this was handled, and if they can't or won't see your side of it, I would not join the national - just try to stay friends with the brothers you are closest to.

FWIW, I think that almost always when a local goes national, there are members who don't join or aren't on board with the idea. That doesn't mean they should be shunned. If they hadn't been there doing things for the chapter and making it strong, the national might not have picked them up in the first place.

That really is the the thing. I have a great deal of respect for the national organization and I have expressed it countless times. They were the type of organization that I had hoped that we would grow to be like. Just feel like the entire situation was handled the wrong way. It was suppose to be a unanimous vote, it never took place and it happened. Other things that were messed up was that the alumni were not informed until much later and many of them were against it but their opinions were not taken into consideration at all. It was basically a "We'll listen to what you're gonna say but it's not going to matter what you say". That was just very disrespectful to those who worked so hard starting us up and keeping it going. It's also kinda frustrating when one of the new initiates was transferring soon and had plans to start up a new chapter.

When talking to them about it, all they said was well it's done and you might as well go with it, besides if we do it we get this and this, etc. When they found out that I was really serious of not wanting to do it, they started to treat different since and won't talk about it. Didn't think that would happen. Ironically you comparing this to getting a new house is actually a reminder of how we lost two brothers.

The only people that I talked to that understand is my little. The feeling is if they would treat me this way then it's a show then of how they really are and I'm not sure if I want to associate with that. At the same time however it's like I've been a part of this for a long time and can't really imagine what it would be like to let go.

it seems like your chapter has already made its decision. so unless you plan on changing everyones minds, either support the transition or bow out. spilled milk.

My chapter grew out of a local sorority, ODE.

We incorporated a lot of the local's traditions, colors, and sayings into the chapter we have now. Nationals likes the organization you are or they wouldn't have chosen you for expansion. They're not going to completely wipe the chapter clean and replace it with all their stuff.

I'm inclined to agree with the majority here. Although I agree with you that this absorbtion was probably gone about the wrong way, at this point it sounds like your chapter is moving forward with or without you.

The biggest question for you to answer is do you think it's worth losing all of these relationships just because the name of the organization is changing. A true changover likely won't happen during your time as an undergraduate. Also, you never know, some of your local traditions might infiltrate the national organization and become common at other schools.