I'm confused...where do I go from here?
 

I'm a freshman, and I just finished my school's deferred rush process (freshman rush in Spring). I found a fraternity I really thought I fit in with, and I went to almost all of their events this week. I got to know and got along well with 15-20 of the brothers. I thought I had a good chance at a bid, but was denied today. At least a few of the brothers were pulling for me, if not more, and I don't remember pissing any of them off. But, I know at least two guys who spent less time there, and met less people, who got bids. I'm just confused, and I'm having a rough night seeing some of my friends start their first night of pledging.

I'm sure you get this situation a lot on this forum, but throw me a rope if you can. I just don't know where to go from here. I really want to join a fraternity, and this one seems like the perfect one. If I do sophomore rush, is it acceptable to rush the same one? Do fraternities ever deny someone and accept them on the second try? Is there any way to find out why I was denied so I can know if it's possible?

Anything you can say to help would be appreciated.

I've heard of at least some occasions when fraternities here have denied a bid because they didn't know someone well enough, but the person stuck around and got a bid in the fall. I know I can't ask them why I didn't get a bid, but how can I gauge their level of interest? (Didn't know me vs. didn't like me?)

If you think that could be the case (and you will really never know) you might as well try again in the fall. What could it hurt? The worst that will happen is they don't extend you a bid, and you're in the same position you are now. But if it's something you really want, try again. Read the recruitment threads. TONS of people have been released and then extended a bid later on.

If you truly want to be in a fraternity, try again. And rush at other houses, also. You like this organization, but maybe there's another one you'll like more if you just check them out.

Also, don't think that you can only hang out with fraternity men during rush. Try to meet as many guys as you can throughout the semester. Talk to them in class. Go to their parties. Attend all fraternity sponsored events. It will be beneficial to you to meet as many of them as possible, and it will probably give you a leg up over the freshmen next year.

First, Follow ASTalumna06's advice about meeting guys outside of rush, it's key. Second, go through rush with an open mind and try to rush as many fraternities as possible if you can. A lot of things change between freshman and sophomore year and what you're looking for in a fraternity may also change. This fraternity may be the right place for you next year or you may find a better fit after a year. I hope you find where you're meant to be!

How are your grades?

Are you involved in anything else at your college? Some fraternities place a VERY high importance on their members being in other extracurriculars.

Definitely try again during sophomore year, but as Gusteau said, when you do, look at other fraternities too.

I have a 3.94, and I'm at a very hard top-30 private school. I don't have much going on with extracurriculars, though.

I've talked to a couple of the brothers that I got to know especially well, and they seem to want to stay in touch, and still want me to go to their parties. Hopefully that's a good sign.

Thanks for your help.

For your own experiences, and especially if the fraternity you are pursuing is known for their extra-curricular activities (on fraternity at my school was knee-deep in Student Government, orientation, student tours, the newspaper, etc.), by all means join a club or two.

Besides it "looking good on your resume", you will be able to learn and experience something new, become involved and care about something, and perhaps gain leadership positions. All positive stuff from every perspective. It also gives you a chance to see how you balance grades and something else.

Give them a reason to want you to be part of their group; right now all they might see is someone with good grades. You may end up meeting people in the Greek system and finding things in common with them. Don't become friends with fraternity members just because you want to pledge.

Conversely if the organization you are pursuing doesn't have many people involved in other campus activities, you being involved would be a major plus for them.

If you know a few of the brothers especially well, can you ask them why they think you didn't get a bid? They can't tell you what goes on in member selection, but they might feel comfortable with a simple "I think not enough of the guys knew you" or something.

When you look at the chapter members, is there anything they seem to have in common that you don't? I remember at my school the ASA's had a lot of (gorgeous) dance majors, so me and my pre-med major probably wouldn't have fit in well there no matter HOW bad I wanted in.