Is this normal?
 

Roommate goes to rush, gets invited to "invite only" rush events, does well, meets all requirements to join, + fraternity has the space. PNM gets an invite to a "final rush event" that was a cookout. Turned out to be a pinning event. The other 15 rushes knew this and got bids already, my PNM had no idea. PNM asked the brothers why he was invited and they said he didn't get a bid but they do bids in waves so he might get one later - but my PNM is the only one from rush left with no bid, so not likely to happen. My PNM is very upset to be invited to a "rush event" that turned out to be a pin party.

So why invite him? Is it normal to invite guys that you don't want to join? And why say it was a final rush event if it's a pin party?

cliff notes.

Cliff Notes version:
The guy's friend went through informal rush. He was what sorority girls call the "perfect PNM". Perfect PNM got an invite to a "final rush event" that was a cookout. 15 guys got pinned and he was the 16th who didn't. Perfect PNM asked the brothers what happened and they said he didn't get a bid and they do bids in waves so he might get one later. Perfect PNM is heartbroken about not getting a bid. Perfect PNM's friend wants to know if this is normal.

FYP

Oh wow, okay. Only thing to add is that bids were already given out - the 15 guys knew they were getting pinned, guy 16 had no idea it was going to happen.

So why invite him?

Thank you I knew when I hit post I missed something. :p

Difficult to say.

Since he was invited to other events previously, it certainly seems he was under consideration.

It is possible that the final decision of who to pledge was made the day before the final rush event- after everyone had been invited. In other words, none of the 16 guys were a sure thing at the point of being invited.

It is possible that he made a critical error or that someone raised a serious objection to him getting a bid after he was invited to the final event and before the event took place.

It is also possible that he, for whatever reason, was not deemed suitable for this pledge class but might be a candidate for a bid in a future semester.

Membership selection is a private matter and he is not likely to ever know the real reason for what happened.

This might be considered an unusual situation- however it is perfectly normal if decisions about who to pledge were made during the final event, after top candidates were invited to the final event, or if the PNM had a special circumstance that resulted in a change in a decision to bid him at the last minute.

Any way you slice it, it must have been a hard experience for him- no doubt.

His best option at this point is to sit back and wait a couple of weeks- plus take some time to think about why he maybe did not get a bid, and also think about whether he really wants this.

Then, if there are 1 or 2 people in the fraternity who he knew before rush or spent a lot of time with during the rush process- have him talk to one of those guys and just say something like this, "I really enjoyed rush with the chapter. Should I pursue it in future semesters?" You could even add, "What can I do this semester to make myself a solid candidate?"

That is how to approach this. Forget trying to figure out why a bid was not given. That is ancient history, and pushing that question will make members of the chapter less likely to be honest.

The best thing is to just wait a bit, and then very informally say he had fun and wants to know if he should try again. That approach has the best chance of getting an honest answer.

Right, that all makes a lot of sense and a lot of that I tried to tell him. But then he showed me the e-mail - it was sent 2 hours before the event, and the other guys showed up dressed for the pin party (invite said casual wear). So, obviously, they knew beforehand and informed the ones who got a bid so that they could wear a suit.

That's what I don't understand - they had to have know at this stage that they weren't going to offer him a bid, but then they invited him to this as a "rush event." And that's where it's really bothered him as the one rush who didn't get a bid. He said that no one would even make eye contact with him except for the rush chair who told him there was no bid for him. Seems like a really rude thing to do.

He has other houses that he's still rushing with, but this was his top choice and the harshness of the experience almost made him drop out of it all. I just want to know if they were intentionally trying to be mean about not bidding on him.

Hmmm . . . it could be as simple as when the e-mail went out, his name was supposed to have been dropped from the delivery list but wasn't.
Sorry he had to go through that - that's awful.

I doubt it was an email. It would be weird to invite someone to an event like that through email.