As a membership adviser for a chapter, my retinas have been burned with images the past few years of young women making poor choices and then documenting those poor choices on SnapChat or Instagram. I do not care what you think....nothing is PRIVATE when you post on social media!!!

I just got this email from my chapter, and I wanted to share the text because I thought it was a great example of how to thank an alum who submits a recommendation.

Dear Sister,

On behalf of the recruitment team for the Zeta Nu Chapter of Alpha Delta Pi, thank you for submitting the Potential New Member Profile (recommendation form)/Legacy Introduction Form for <PNM name>. Our Recruitment Team is gearing up for another successful recruitment at Clemson University, and we look forward to meeting every Potential New Member (PNM) starting on August 19th!

As many as 1200 PNMs will register for recruitment at Clemson University in 2017, and each year the women are more impressive than the year before. The PNMs seem to all have exceptional grades and test scores, and each resume reflects extraordinary achievements in the areas of scholarship, leadership, community service, and extra-curricular activities.

Please know that we sincerely appreciate your recommendation, and we will carefully consider your input. As much as we wish everyone could find her home in Alpha Delta Pi, the intense competition and the invitation figures established by Panhellenic present major challenges for us as a chapter. The reality is that we will be able to call only about 75 young women our new sisters on Bid Day.

In accordance with privacy protections maintained for the PNMs, no member of the Recruitment Team, including advisors, can release or discuss any specific information regarding a PNM with an Alpha Delta Pi alumna. However, if you have any general questions about the recruitment process at Clemson University or in Alpha Delta Pi, please contact Zeta Nu's Recruitment Advisor, <name and email>, or Zeta Nu's Chapter Advisor, <name and email>.

Again, thank you for your recommendation. We are so excited to meet all of these amazing women so soon!

Go Tigers! Go Greek! Go ADPi!

Loyally,
The Zeta Nu Recruitment Team at Clemson University

clemsongirl, very nicely worded acknowledgement! Receiving an acknowledgement of one's legacy reference would go a long way toward decreasing the sting of the legacy being released during rush. At least it gives the alum the courtesy of her feelings being acknowledged by the chapter as she extends a reference for someone who is more than a sorority sister to her-her daughter or her grand-daughter. Courtesy goes a long way in a person's social life as well as in business networking. Kudos to you and your Alpha Delta Pi chapter.

Remiechi, any idea what happened?

Wow, clemsongirl, I have to say, that's probably the best response I've ever seen from a recommendation!

That girl kept an open mind during rush and happily accepted her bid from Delta Zeta. But remember the Auburn girl whose mom told me she didn't need my rec because she already had ones for three or four chapters? Knowing the mom, I'm positive that those recs were for the very top, strongest recruiting chapters and they expected that the "lower" sororities were just places she'd visit first and second rounds. She ended up preffing houses that she never expected to return to, and was very disappointed in her bid. However, she stuck with it, was initiated and is an active, involved member.

Bumping for recruitment 2018-

I've had a similar experience this year. Was told that my friend's daughter was most likely going into a certain house where she has friends, and they'd let me know if she needed a rec for DG.
We're in the top 4 at this school (not my Alma Mater) so at this point my thoughts are she's on her own as far as I'm concerned. The one she thinks she'll just get a bid to happens to be the supposed top house. She may get through, and I hope she is happy regardless. Sometimes you just have to graciously back away.

One of my sister was the local Alumnae Panhellenic President. She told us about one of the gals who belong to the AP Group. The woman was a member of ABC sorority. The other women offered to write a rec for DD. Woman informed the other members of the AP their recs were not needed DD was going to pledge ABC or nothing. Have not heard the results of DD's recruitment.

DaffyKD

This one is always a good one to bump so---TTT!!!!

Hello everyone, I am new here and have laughed a lot reading these stories of girls thinking they have the option to choose.

I am actually having the opposite issue with my daughter. My sorority is very good at the school she is attending (SEC school). I have made sure she understands how the process works and made it clear that being a legacy guarantees her nothing. I have also made sure she understands that what was best for me 28 years ago at another university made not be where she finds her home and that this is her chance to really find her fit. There is no pressure to be the same as me.

Here’s where I need advice— we have “friends” that believe that they know everything there is to know about sororities and they have her completely freaked out. They have told her that she will be cut by the other houses because she is a legacy and that my sorority is pretty much impossible to get in to these days. She has friends in 5 of the 8 on campus and she has been working her connections— she has made sure she has a rec for every house and has told everyone that she is very excited about recruitment and going in with an open mind. She looks great on paper and her social media is clean. She’s trying to do everything right and instead of being the girl that is overconfident, she’s the one that thinks she’s going to be cut because of me. My advice to her has been to ignore those folks and to make sure she’s making good conversation in the house and making it clear that she has an open mind. Any other insight? What are your thoughts on her being cut simply because she’s a legacy?

Well, the answer to this is yes--and no. You're more likely to get a heavy legacy cut if you have a sitting sister in the house; this happened to one of my nieces. But you're in the South and you may be in one of the sororities that has ten thousand legacies coming through (you know which ones those are); the sororities won't just cut them all, because there are so many.

Tell her to focus on the rushers, to make eye contact with them, and try to have some great conversations. That's almost everything she can control at this point anyway!

If she has friends in 5 of the 8 groups, they hopefully know her well enough to know she has an open mind to all groups and isn’t making a beeline to your sorority only. And hopefully they’ll convey that during membership selection.

Soccermom - did you go to another SEC school or something totally different?

Thank you for your input. She has really worked to make sure that her friends know that she is interested in all the chapters and although they know we are very close she is interested in forging her own path. They have told her that they would advocate for her so hopefully that is true.
This is a school that I do feel will have alot of legacies, not just from my sorority but the other popular ones as well.
I thought the same thing in regards to the difference in a sister being active versus a mom from a totally different university.
I did not attend an SEC school.

I saw so many overconfident girls rush this year. None got the groups they wanted and several dropped out of recruitment. Sometimes, as an adult familiar with various school and their Greek systems, you see it coming and there's nothing you can do because they truly believe that their high school popularity, grades, and activities will get them in.