Problems with my chapter
 

Formal recruitment has just ended on my campus (I am intentionally not naming where I go to school or what sorority I'm in) and to say the least it was discouraging, disheartening, and disgusting.

We're a small chapter on campus (we have between 20 and 22 members, depending on when and if a couple of the girls decide to drop or not), and three of our girls were recruitment councilors and had to be unaffiliated. During our recruitment parties we only had about 10 to 12 chapter members show up and somehow they thought we'd get 25 girls...

Anyway, what bothered me the most and still makes me VERY hot under the collar, so to speak, is that there was a girl who was/is VERY interested in our chapter and wanted to pledge only us. She did her research and was VERY informed on not only our national organization but also our chapter (when we came to campus, community service projects we do...). The "problem" with her that was given in our selection session was basically her weight (she's a bigger girl but so are other members of my chapter) and she "smelled bad," which was an out and out BOLD FACED LIE. I spent significant time with this girl at the parties, even sitting next to her for over an hour and I can attest to the fact that she DOES NOT SMELL BAD (when I called the girl who said this on it, she back-tracked and stammered around). They were also commenting about how her "butt hangs out of her jeans," but hey, it happens to all of us at one time or another no matter how careful we are.

The decision on this girl was split right down the middle. The older girls (the girls I pledged with) voted TWICE to let this girl in and the "pretty" girls (who came in last year during fall recruitment, one of which is the one who said the girl smelled bad) are the ones who voted not to extend her a bid. When it came down to it, the advisory board (who had never met this girl) voted not to let her in.

This upsets me SO much because we've always prided ourselves on being the sorority on campus that wants to take you as you are, not wanting or trying to change you, and the only reason this girl didn't get into the chapter is because of her physical appearance (weight, didn't wear the most fashionable clothes [but they were clean and neat], and doesn't wear make-up [but really, if you're not comfortable wearing make-up, isn't that YOUR choice?]). She would have been a VERY good chapter member and someone I would have been proud to have as a sister.

We (the older members) are bringing this matter up at our next chapter meeting, but there are also other things going on that make me very uncomfortable. Underage drinking (I have Facebook pictures), unapproved parties with fraternities where there is underage drinking (I have Facebook messages of the underage girl who has organized the parties and is telling everyone that the fraternity [and not the licensed third party vendor we're supposed to have] is providing the alcohol), and many other things that according to our Nationals is not kosher. If I weren't about to go alum I would take these things to Nationals immediately but I've already put so much time and energy into this sorority and I love the sorority in general, but this chapter is a long ways down in the gutter from when I first came into it.

Also, because we had so few bids we extended, our ADVISORS decided to give bids to every girl who came to our open house even if they didn’t come back or show ANY interest in us, but not to the girl who came to EVERY party she was allowed to come to per NPC rules. That is the disgusting part of it all.

So basically, I am wondering how I can go about letting my National board in on the bad things in this chapter (underage drinking, illegal selection session…) and if they will take any action. They seem to be pretty strict on advertised parties with alcohol, so I’m wondering if they’ll do the same for a party that was held but not approved by nationals. Also, if something should happen and Nationals comes in and pulls our charter before I’m eligible to be an alum, is there any way I could still go alum? It seems that I’ve heard somewhere that seniors in the chapter can go alum if that happens, but this doesn’t exactly sound right to me.

Thanks for sticking it out and reading this post! And any help/advice/suggestions you could give me would be GREATLY appreciated. THANK YOU ALL!!!

Before you go to HQ, sit back, take a deep breath and think hard about your motives. Are you trying to get your chapter closed to get back at the younger girls (who will be most affected) who made a decision you don't agree with or are you really concerned about rooting out a major problem that your alumnae haven't been able to control? If you haven't given your advisers a chance to handle the problem, then you're not doing your chapter a favor by going straight to nationals. Have the older sisters get together and explain to the younger girls why you are concerned about the treatment of this PNM and how upset you are that your standards are changing. In the end, however, you have to accept that soon you will no longer have any say in who the chapter pledges.

Edited because I didn't realize the advisors gave bids to randoms without nationals' OK. (How many actually took them?) I would definitely go to your area/district peson about that, unless your bylaws say it's allowed.

As for the girl who the chapter was split about....my chapter went through the exact same thing with old vs new sisters wanting to bid different types of people. The thing to remember though is, you & the older sisters ARE the ones who picked the new sisters who are opposing you now. (Unless, of course, it was your advisory board who picked them.) They are going to have their own ideas and they aren't always going to be yours. Like AOII Angel said, you have to face the fact that every chapter member is not necessarily going to be someone you would want as a sister (or vice versa) and trust their judgement. It's hard as hell sometimes, but it is "the circle of life."

It really does sound like you want to bust them on the drinking just to "get back" at them. Remember if you do that, you might not have a chapter to come back to. (Of course, if only half your chapter is showing up for rush, that might happen anyway.)

Unless there were problems before this, I don't think the chapter would get closed for asking for help. But I also wouldn't go to nationals with all these problems. Instead just slimply state you need some help with recruitment and values based recruitment because you're afraid things are heading the in wrong direction. You can ask for help without trying to get people in trouble. If it's possible you're nationals could send someone to help get your chapter back in track. These personal problems should be solved before that person gets there though. I mean, even though my chapter is really on track with what our IGB wants, there are still things we wouldn't tell them. I don't think your chapter would get in trouble or be closed for fighting about who to give a bid, but it's not your national's job to solve those little problems. It is their job, however, to guide you in how to chose who to give a bid to.

Sounds like you might benefit from a chapter consultant to spend some time with your chapter talking about values-based recruitment. Could you contact your regional recruitment advisor (whatever your org calls that position) and request this?

VBR is great but I don't think it's going to help them if the advisors are picking who gets bids. That sounds like the biggest problem here IMO.

One thought: a similar situation happened with my chapter, years ago. The PNM is question was beautiful, talented, came from a prominent family, but had the foulest mouth at the weirdest times. Half of the chapter loved her (there was serious talk about Tourette's), the other half actively hated her.

Somehow, she got a bid. The tiniest misstep this poor girl took was blown completely out of proportion, everyone started to take sides, and it ended up that half of the chapter quit speaking to the other. Our suite was a minefield! Once the chapter was torn apart - several sisters took alumna status by Christmas break - she depledged, taking two other pledges with her. We went from being one of the largest, most respected chapters on campus to half that size and half that reputation with ONE WOMAN. There are sisters from that era who still don't speak to each other.

So, if I could give one piece of advice to any chapter doing membership selection, I would say to consider each PNM as if she is the only new member that they take that semester. I've yet to meet the PNM who is so perfect that she's worth the risk of losing half the chapter.

When I was an active, I was in a similar situation where I felt like (along with a couple of other sisters) my chapter was going down the tubes. We didn't have numbers problems but we did have other problems that were causing lots and lots of drama in the group. We put it before the whole chapter, nothing got done (except it caused a big fight), we called our advisor, nothing got done, finally we had to have a heart to heart with a Leadership Consultant.

This caused HUGE drama in the chapter, because they claimed that "no one told them" and we "just went over everybody's heads," even our Chapter advisor claimed that we never talked to her, even though I had phone bills that proved that I called her and spent over an hour on the phone with her at least three times before the LC got there.

Regardless, that's just my personal drama - not really part of the advice I'm going to give you.

Find out who, in the chapter, is in line with your ideals. The more there are of you, the better (in my situation it was 3 out of 40 that were vocal about their concerns, and about 4 others that agreed but were not vocal about it - not really great odds). Try to figure out a way to bring it up to chapter that the bid thing was upsetting to you guys, and you really felt like this PNM in particular would have been a great asset to the chapter. Talk to them, and weigh the options of a recruitment advisor. See if you guys can get a recruitment advisor in there to help you out WITHOUT pulling THAT drama into the mix.

As far as the underage drinking goes - it's going to happen. I don't know one member of my chapter that did not have a drink, underage, at various sorority functions. Mixers with fraternities that are not at third party vendors happen. It's stupid and goes against the RM policies of your sorority (in fact, it might go against the RM policies of ALL NPC organizations), but they happen. Does your chapter have a membership or standards chair? Ours was on exec board (Vice President of Member Development), and we had "talks" during business meetings about the negative aspects of facebook, and how important it was to realize that we're representing our chapter, even on the internet. Our VPMD often said "it's alright to have pictures of girls having fun (bowling, going to the movies, going to sporting events), it's not alright to have pictures of girls getting drunk."

Sometimes the drinking issue you can't really fight until something bad happens, unfortunately. But you can promote responsible drinking situations, and promote the values that keep you together and help you take care of each other.

And I'd definitely talk to someone about advisors giving out bids.

I have a similar story involving not taking a girl who was the sister of an active collegian at the time. It didn't go as far as your chapter, but the entire year was from hell! Half of my class would speak to the other half. To this day, I think that sometimes it's best to just suck it up an put up with someone that isn't perfect to keep the peace! In the end, I think there are a lot of immature people who are ready to make a mountain out of a tiny little mole hill. The only truly horrible outcome to my story is that one of my favorite sisters, who exuded AOII values, quit since her sister was told she just wasn't good enough.

The moral to this story is....document, document, document! Send and email to your advisor, executive committee and save it. Make sure that your recording secretary includes any discussion of the topic in your minutes. If she doesn't, have someone who is like-minded take notes. In medicine, we always say that "If it's not written down, it didn't happen." Your HQ will appreciate having the facts as well to get a picture of what is really going on.

P.S. I missed the part about your advisers deciding who gets bids. That is a huge problem! I have little doubt that your GLO would not be okay with that!

let the church say AAAAAAAMENN. And if you have a phone or in-person conversation with an advisor, Greek life director or anyone else, send a follow up email asap - "This is to confirm our conversation regarding blah blah blah" and outline all the pertinent points made or discussed.

It sounds like you're being anal and bitchy, but belieeeeeve me, once you get burned, it's a lesson you will never forget.

True. So I suppose that was the point in posting part of my story.

even if "everyone drinks underage" at a sorority sanctioned event at one time or another-it can cost a chapter its charter. does your chapter have a judicial board? sounds like someone needs to go to judicial to me.

Right obviously you can lose your charter because of underage drinking, but you can't play "mommy" to all members at all times. Yeah, just because "everyone drinks" doesn't make it right (I think I mentioned that it goes against the RM policies of NPC organizations), but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen, and doesn't mean it isn't going to happen.

Turning them into HQ, without trying to solve some of the problems at the chapter level? Overkill. There needs to be a balance between girls wanting to have fun and what's safe within that spectrum, plus chapter members need to keep in mind how it portrays the organization when pictures from that event are plastered all over facebook.

I think you are way over-reacting. I think those are problems that can be addressed on a chapter level. Honestly your post comes across a little spiteful...maybe I'm reading it wrong but it seems kind of like, "you guys made choices I don't agree with and now you are going to pay." Bring it up on a smaller stage first.

Oh and the underage drinking? You joined a sorority honey. I hate to say it but I would be shocked to find a chapter where at least some of the members didn't drink underage. It's college in general. That being said they can be a little more careful from a risk management position (as you pointed out) but being upset that they are drinking just seems a little nitpicky and naive.

I think I didn't make myself clear on a few things. First of all, as I have already said, we're getting together at the next meeting to discuss this. That's the first step before going to nationals, but I'm afraid they may be coming to us. Our exec board is running the chapter into the ground right now...it's very unorganized and to say the least we're on the verge of financial probation because of the treasurer and the other exec members aren’t doing their jobs as they should be. The advisor is aware of this but doesn’t care.

Speaking of the advisor, AOII Angel, she is part of the problem. She had the final say in the end over who to give bids to, and without meeting the girl I speak of voted not to give her a bid, but it was HER idea to give a bid to the girls who showed no interest in us.

33girl, I don’t want to “bust them on the drinking just to get back at them,” I’m doing it for their own safety (some of them drink a little too much and have found themselves in compromising situations, but again, the advisor doesn’t seem to care), and it is affecting the way the chapter is run (partying comes before the needs of the chapter with some of them). If they want to drink underage that’s their business, but when it begins directly affecting me, I take it personally and want the situation rectified because I don’t want it looking bad on me. That may seem a little selfish to some, but ultimately, I need to look out for myself in this particular situation. Since the advisor isn’t taking action, perhaps nationals needs to.

SigKapSweetie, the chapter consultant was here last week. She said basically the same things I’ve been saying but the young girls didn't listened to her. Literally. They scoffed when she was talking, rolled their eyes, and let it go in one ear and out the other.

And again about the underage drinking, I just want to stress (and I know I didn’t the first time so there’s no way anyone could have known this), but it’s affecting these girls’ reputations and the chapter. Chapter work isn’t getting done (the treasurer still hasn’t sent out a bill for national obligations, which were due September 10 and only a handful of girls [the older ones and the treasurer] knew they were due, so they haven’t been paid, it is now the 5th week of school and even though the list was compiled over two months ago we still don’t know what committees we’re on, and we’ve had a secretary quit the chapter). These girls are not doing their jobs, but they’re at the bar every weekend and at the frat houses every time a party is going on. Like I said to someone else, I don’t care what these girls do in their free time until it starts directly affecting me. And at this point, their actions are starting to run the chapter in the ground and 2 of the 3 advisors see it but don’t care. One (the only really “legal” advisor we have) keeps saying she’s ready to quit, in which case we’d be shut down because there’s no one else eligible to run the chapter who would want to (we have NO alumnae support what-so-ever unless it comes to drinking with the actives, which is illegal in our GLO). The only reason I would take this to nationals is to cover my own butt if and when it comes to them wondering why we’re more interested in partying than running our chapter the way it should be.

APhiAnna,
Yes, I joined a sorority, "honey." I joined for the friends and to get involved on my campus, which is the reason anyone should join a sorority. And I never drank underage, as well as at least two of my sisters. Why? Because I didn't want to. I know that there are people who do want to and that's their own business until it starts affecting me (drinking and driving, ruining my reputation because they're becoming legends...). Some of my best friends have been drinking since we came onto campus and that's their own business. It's just that when they're jeopardizing my reputation and my status as a member that I have a problem and think something needs to be done. I’m taking it to my advisors, but they just don’t care anymore. If action isn’t taken and they keep their behavior up, nationals may have to be notified. Sorry if this sounds “spiteful” to you, but if you can’t count on your leaders (advisors and executive board) to look out for the best interest of the chapter, who can you count on? Oh that’s right, only yourself.

I'm not going to start an internet fight but I will respond to this once and only once. If a woman is joining a sorority because she wants to drink she is an idiot. I joined for the same reasons you did. And yes, there are plenty of women in my chapter that don't drink. However, in your original post before you explained further the drinking problems it sounded like you were upset that members were drinking underage at all. IMHO that sounded a little naive that you were shocked that sisters were drinking underage and a little petty that you were so upset about it. You have elaborated and I agree, it does sound like a problem, but you can't expect people to know that type of information if you don't post it. I would be hard pressed to find one group of any sort that doesn't have members who drink underage (which ironically includes the majority of religious groups on our campus, GAMMA, etc). It is true, however, that none of those groups have people who are drinking without fulfilling their obligations but you did not post those concerns in the original post.

And I'm out.

It sounds like you first need to petition your headquarters for a new adviser. If the one you have isn't doing her job to make sure the chapter is run properly, then she should be replaced. Be very specific when you tell HQ what all she has done. Advisers have very detailed rules to follow as do collegians. It sounds like yours has crossed the line!

Excellent advice!

Believe me AOII, I'd like to. Don't get me wrong, I like the advisor as a person and she is a new advisor (starting her second full year), but she knows the rules and is very easily swayed. She has two other "advisors" to help her this year, one from my pledge class who went alum last semester and one from a little bit before me who went alum last semester. Whatever they say they think is a good idea goes. She just doesn't have a backbone as an advisor; at least not yet.

The problem is, there's no body willing to take the chapter over. No alums in the area who are willing to take this over. We'd have to just about have nationals come in and find someone or something, which I don't think would go over well.

It's one of the things that is going to be discussed in private with members of our standards committee and the main advisor, so I'm just hoping she's receptive to thier suggestions about how to change her approach on how she runs the chapter. If not, I'm just trying to stick it out until I can go alum but preparing for the worst if it comes to it.

The bolded and underlined statements make you seem jealous. Who cares about your reputation? How are they ruining your reputation?

The chapter I joined is TONS different now. And I've heard that there have been comments made about looks and appearance. Shallowness is going to happen in any selective organization. You can't change those people's opinions. Would I become a part of my chapter had I rushed now? Hell no. But they're my sisters and I have to accept that times and things change. If you're an older member, maybe it's time to let go and let the new girls take charge. Sometimes that's what happens when we get older.

If your National organization sent in a chapter consultant a week ago, I have a feeling they are aware of the situation at your chapter. From what little I know, at least as far as my sorority is concerned, they are already on the case.

To the OP, why are you so against your newer chapter members trying to improve the quality of the chapter?

If they want to make the sorority better then why stop them? You're an older sister so you're on your way out anyway.

One of your problems is that your advisors, whether "official" or not, are recent graduates. I am the recruitment advisor for my chapter and I just graduated 2 years ago, but everyone in my chapter was initiated after I left school. Therefore, I don't really have ties with them that might compromise my ability to set myself apart from them and advise them in an effective way.

If those girls would like to help out the chapter, that is fine. But to put them into an advisor position (whether it's official or not) immediately after graduation, when they still have friends in the chapter, is going to create problems, and they're going to take sides. And the reason they think they're always right, is because they just graduated. They were so used to having a say about everything, that they're not removed enough to understand that ANYTHING that they say can be ignored and "overruled", so to speak. Trust me, I've watched my chapter vote on things that are ridiculous, and I've had them ignore good advice that I've given to them, but it's my job to sit back, let them learn from experience, and only step in if the chapter is in real trouble.

And if your chapter advisor is easily swayed, take the other two girls out of their advisor positions, and "sway" the chapter advisor to listen to you. And I can't emphasize this enough... TALK TO YOUR ADVISOR. Have a heart-to-heart with her. You say you like her as a person, so she can't be THAT scary. Tell her your concerns, both about the way she is advising, and about the chapter in general. I guarantee that if you go over her head and go to nationals first, she'll be more pissed at you than if you talked to her directly. And if she does get mad about you voicing your concerns to her, then she probably isn't fit for that position.

Yeah, this pretty much sums it up. I would say it's a done deal that your chapter will be gone by the end of the semester, and no need for you to martyr yourself by being the person who turns them in. Sorry if that sounds cynical, but considering you have numbers problems, participation problems, advisor problems, risk mgmt problems, and money problems...that pretty much spells "toast."

If that happens...there is something you can do for your sorority as a whole. Your advisor SUCKS. She's bowing to the wishes of 2 recent grads of the chapter (who should NOT be advisors even on paper) and from what I gather, completely disobeying the rules of membership selection in your GLO. Write a long letter to your HQ explaining what she did that she shouldn't have and why she should NOT be a primary chapter advisor again, at least until she has some time to get her act together. (Side note, I don't understand why your chapter would be shut down if your advisor quits - HQ should be working to find you a new one.)

*snaps* to that.

Change what you can while you’re still active. Once you’re gone, there’s really nothing you can do. You can yell at them until you’re blue in the face, but they’ll be able to vote on whoever they like. And the more I read this thread, the more I realize that you obviously have some major problems in how you select members, and with what you’re teaching your new members. As I always say, while values-based recruitment might be a good idea in the future, once the chapter is back on track… right now, maybe some values-based new member education practices are in order.

You NEED to have a discussion among all of the sisters. And not in a meeting. Ask the sisters if you could have a short time for discussion after the meeting to talk about the state of the chapter. I would suggest not having the new members included in the discussion, as they should not yet be involved in these problems of the chapter if these problems can be solved before they realize there is anything wrong.

Have the sisters (and advisors!) sit in a circle (if the chapter is small enough to do so). Bring with you an item to pass around the group. Anything. It could be a pencil if you really wanted, and the only person who can talk is the person who has that item in their hand. First, write three questions so that all of the sisters can see them (on a blackboard, or something large). Go around the room and have everyone briefly answer the questions - Why did you go through recruitment? Why do you like being a sister/what does it mean to you? What one thing would you change about the chapter? Each of these responses is to be uninterrupted and not responded to until everyone has answered. After everyone has responded, the item goes back to you and you start by voicing any of your concerns. Mention one problem at a time. When you’re done talking, someone can reach across to you or raise their hand, and then that person will be handed the item, and they can respond how they wish. When they’re done talking, someone else can raise their hand, etc. Maybe some sisters don’t know what you’re concerned about. Maybe some sisters are misunderstood. Maybe some sisters don’t know the problems that they are causing. Point them out and let them respond. You might be surprised at how much you learn about each other and about your situation.

In the end though, do what you feel is necessary. If this discussion gets you nowhere, talk to your advisor one on one. If nothing is solved, go to the person a step above her, and so on, and so on. And document everything! Who you talked to and when. Even if you send someone an email just to summarize your situation and then to say “please call me at (xxx) xxx-xxxx when you get a chance to discuss this further.” Because if you want any kind of disciplinary action/major changes, you’re going to need to back up your story and have a paper trail. (Trust me, my chapter recently found that out the hard way).

And as has been mentioned, get a group to rally behind you. But DON’T make it seem like an attack on the other members. If it’s upperclassmen v. freshmen, it’s going to get you nowhere. If there is no respect paid one way or the other, it can split up chapters. It’s happened before.

Just make sure to be systematic and thorough in the way that you choose to go about everything. And whatever you do, don’t:
1.) Yell
2.) Place blame on one person
3.) Ignore your advisor
4.) Skip the necessary steps for change
5.) Only talk about this with people on Greekchat

Ok, I’m sorry. I’ve rambled long enough.