more disaffiliations! how do we keep our sisters?
 

:confused: every time the new school year begins we always have a few disaffiliations. I don't understand, all of my sisters are happy with the sorority when we leave for summer but as soon as we get back to school; we lose a few sisters. It never fails, this happens every year. Right now we've lost two sisters and it's only the second day of school! What happens over the summer to make people reconsider their committment to ZX and to Phi Sig. Does anyone else deal with this, please give advice.

litp, Ditch

Our chapter has similar problems. Every year a few sisters disaffiliate (or go alum when they really don't have to). An example of this problem: I was MRC Fall 1999 and spring 2000. Chapter started with 6 girls, through the year we initiated 7! doubled our size! By fall 2000 only 3 from those classes remained....seemed to make my efforts worthless(almost).
I don't know how to fix the situation. I think maybe if we had one or two sisterhood events during the summer we may feel more connected. That is a problem too here: sisterhood. Some sisters never get invited out because others assume they are too busy like they are during the school year.

I could use advice too. This is one of the greatest strains on my chapter since we are small.

trying to help
 

hi girls! i'm sorry to hear about all of the disaffiliations, my big sister disaffiliated, so i know how it feels. just a few thoughts: try living together, although this can cause petty fights, living together over the summer when no one else is around brings everyone together. plus living together means you can always have someone to talk to. we have sisterhoods at our house at least once a month. we all eat lunch at the same table in our student union, and we make a point to eat dinner together too (especially during rush). i don't know if any of this will help, but i hope things get better!

:( unhappy with sorority
 

I'm thinking about disaffiliating because my chapter is the worst sorority on campus, I wish I had not even joined because it was a waste of time and money. The president is cold and treat people like crap. The rest of the sisters are so two-faced, one minute there smiling in the your face and later on there talking about you behind your back. I think all they really care about are numbers. I will let you know what i decide?

about Dissafiliations
 

Hey Girls!!
Summer is very difficult,if you attend a school where there are dorms and off campus housing, 95% of the student body go "home" for the Summer break, however, those who don't should stay in contact, and have invited sisters back for a weekend retreat a few weeks b4 school starts to build morale.
On the other hand, if you go to school in a community setting where a lot of sisters live home, have get togethers, twice a month, to keep in touch, and make one or two mandatory events during the summer, even if its coffee at the local diner at 11:30 pm. Something that keeps girls together!!!
As for the sister that wrote about not liking the sorority..I"m sorry...its definitly important while recruiting that you get quality NOT quantity~~~!!!!!!!! Convey to sisters that an active sister is one thats just doesn't "belong" and is on the roster..an active sister is one who shows face at events, and participates!!!!
GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING...I hope I helped
love erin

Ideas!
 

Well, I hope some of these ideas that the Iota Gamma Chapter are using, will help some other sisters!
**We have a least one activity per month**
*Luau social with a fraternity
*Bar-b-q
*Bonfire at the beach
*Movie night
*Game nght
*T-shirt making day (we buy t-shirts and put letters on them. It's really pretty easy... Then we use puffy paint to write our names and decorate them! We also use this as a new member activity)
*Disneyland day (ok, so this won't work for a lot of chapters, but carnivals, or festivals...)
*Slumber parties
*Weekend retreat
*Road trip to another chapter

Well, I hope these will help you out. And I just want to let everyone know that I'm here if you need anything, even just to shoot the proverbial shit... Our chapter has gone through a lot of changes, and what helped us get our morale back up, was other sisters. If it wasn't for the love and support from them, I'm sure we would have had a lot more disaffliations than we've had. Alrighty, well, once again, I hope these ideas help!

I have decided to continue
 

I've decided to stay in and to try and help improve our organization. I guess you only receive what you give. So I going to try to put 100% into Phi Sig. Thank you for listening and giving great solutions for staying with it.

L.I.T.P

Staying
 

I'm glad that you are staying. Times are tough, but a saying around my chapter is "don't leave because of the bad times, stay because of the good times." I've been there too. It seems as if no one appreciates what you contribute. I was Greek Week chair for Panhel, and none of my sisters thanked me for anything or told me that I did a good job. Imagine how I felt when other sorority's sisters came up and told me that I did well. My own sisters didn't even appreciate it. But tonight during our meeting, 3 sisters thanked me for what i've been doing (greek week, volunteering and family/alumnae day). It made me feel really special, although a little shy :) Just give what you can. And make sure you honor those people that contribute to your experience, even if its for something dumb. And most of all, be the best person and sister that you can be. Good luck!

Re: I have decided to continue
 

I'm glad you decided to stay and give Phi Sig a chance. It really is a great organization. Give your 100% and plan to run for e-board next year that way you can work to change things around.

We had 4 founding sisters and two new members disafilliate within our first year (4 because the first summer we had no activities together at all). That was really tough on us as a chapter. we are still in contact with the women who did disafilliate and they still support us they just didn't feel the sisterhood. That was our fault because we didn't do anything as a group outside of "phi sig work". This past year we have really worked on building the sisterhood and I think we've done it. As SapphireSpinx said we have activities planned for the summer and there are always some sisters at them and not necessarily the same ones.

We're a commuter campus so we can plan summer activities. For those where everyone goes home for the summer maybe have sisters write postcards out about why they love Phi Sig and have the scribe send them out to other sisters throughout the summer. That way it keeps Phi Sig in their thoughts and reminds them why they joined in the first place.

You might also suggest that a "pass the gavel" session be scheduled. I believe it helped us get on the road to getting things back on track. And if that doesn't work you may need to call your DCP or CO to see if they can come out and talk with the chapter to see what is going on.

We have some problems with new members wanting out during the process of becoming sisters. Since we are a small chapter, most of us keep close. My sapphire sister and I are best friends (we were best friends before we joined and she joined before me). We recently made a trip to go visit the sisters who are living at the house for the summer. Everyone has their own close friends that they keep in contact more than others within the sorority, We do all keep i major contact through Instant Messenging. I think events over the summer would help. Sometimes people feel left out of the sorority espcially when everyone has someone they are close to and these people who consider or go through dis affliation don't. I think thats the reason most of them leave because they don't feel that they have anyone to connect to. Maybe if even a few or just one sister connected with them or showed interest, they would stay. Plus, to be honest, some of them might have joined for fun and parties and then when school started realized how much work it would take or something else came up that was more important to them. I think my chapters biggest problem is the fact that some of our sapphire sisters do not get along to the extreme that some of them are practically enemies. If anyone has any ideas on how to avoid this problem let me know.

How does your chapter decide sapphire sisters? Do you fill out a form, or do you just talk together?

maybe a sister needs more input into who her little is, or maybe you'll have to delay getting a sapphire by a week or so just so sisters get a bit of a better idea of what the NMs are like.

I am phisigsigchica's sapphire sister, and the way we get sapphires is through a kind of mutual selection process, whereby all new members are introduced and get to talk to each potential sapphire sister. Oftentimes, they do work out, we may not all be best friends, but we get along and respect each other. I think with our process however, is that sometimes sapphires and new members still don't know enough about each other when selecting, and we get some matches that aren't as compatible as others. Also, the problems stem from other sources besides our method of choosing sapphires. I think that there are personality clashes and personal characteristics that you don't find out about until later. But that happens everywhere I'm sure, in all sorts of situations outside of sorority life. I think personally that even if you do not have a super-close connection to your sapphire sister (which I happen to have because she was my best friend long before we pledged). that doesn't prevent you from having deep connections and friendships with other sisters. :D

hey you responded to my post! awesome best sapphire sister. but you know thats the biggest problem we got in our chapter. because besides that everyone gets along and loves each other and we all hang out plenty. i mean i think we all hang out TOO much together sometimes. LOL! i read some of the other messges and I am like thank god our chapter doesn't have those issues. but we really need to make sure about sapphire selection next semester with the new members. i don't want to go through the same drama as we did this past year. its gonna be GREAT (sarcastic) if certain archons take a twin. wonderful. by the way, I decided against you taking on another sapphire. I want to be the one and ONLY! (yes, I do not want to share you with anyone else) Hehehehehehehe don't you feel special?

Question, you're allowed to have someone who is already a friend as your Sapphire Sister? During our colonizing period we were told that we we shouldn't have as our Sapphire Sisters someone who is already you're friend. This is to ensure that the sisterhood bonds grow outward to the new members in our chapter. We don't say anything about them being in the same family though. So I was lucky in that my "lil" sis was paired with one of my best friends as her "lil" sis. At first I didn't like the idea that we couldn't be sapphire sisters with someone we're already close to but now I do like it as I've been lucky in my sapphire sister matches. I was maid of honor at my founding twin's wedding and I'm good friends with my little.

Yeah, I was wondering the same thing Carolyn...

Ok, for those MOC's out there. What kinda process do you do, to choose the sapphire sisters? Our's is very unconventional, and I wanna change it!

LITP~Beth

Yeah we are allowed to have someone we are already friends with. I understand the point about wanting to extend the sisterhood bonds. But like I said, even if she wasn't my sapphire sister we would still be best friends. I went through our process with an open mind (if only somewhat biased! ). I don't think though that having my best friend as my sapphire sister as prevented me from developing bonds with our other new members.

Yea just to clear things up, my sapphire and I don't ONLY hang with each other. I mean obviously everyone knew that we wanted to choose each other and there were more girls wanting to be sapphires than there were new members. it all worked out though because these other two girls wanted the other two new members and then megan (phisigmeg01) and I were left. Still, we hang with all the other sisters. and not always together. i understand that you want to be unbiased and stuff but I think if you really want to be sapphire sisters, you should be able to choose each other no matter what. Plus it avoids people winding up NOT liking each other which has happened a lot with our sapphire sisters. I think friends being sapphires is awesome because its another bond you can share together. Plus, shes the reason I joined! (well at least one of them). Most of the reasons why people join our chapter is through friends. We don't usually get a lot of people through rush. I guess at other chapters, especially big ones, it works to have that rule but at ours it really doesn't. Plus, as far as I am concerned, none of the other sisters have minded. In fact, most of them think its totally cute!

I agree with this. I'm not that close with my sis. we have hung out together in the past, but usually just when other sisters are around too.
I've had 3 littles. I tried reaching out to all of them. (we choose sapphires just by the actives talking with the MOC) I usually ended up getting the NM noone else wanted . That sounds bad, but it's true. I'm bad luck. 2 of them went alum and 1 disaffiliated after 1 semester . It sucks that my family tree is now dead since we are the only ones who can trace our family back to our chapter founder.

I am now really close to 1 sister who was initiated with me and stayed in PHI Sig (there was a third but she went alum after the first yr) and also with a newer sister who will be Archon this year. The two(archon and I) of us are sometimes inseparable. we talk on the phone everyday, she'll even call me at 3am if she feels like it(she works late).
The strangest thing is we are practically opposites...if we were not brought together by Phi Sig we would not be friends since she is not typically the type i'm drawn too. But it's great knowing her and she does broaden my perspective.
and in a month I'll be leaving :( i hate making friends then having to move.

I know this post is long enuf, but I just had to mention how awesome it was. I went to a sisters wedding June 22, There were 11 phi sigs present(including bride and 2 bridesmaids) which is great since there are so few actives. Out of the 11, 7 were/are archons!! It was awesome. BTW at weddings we sing Liebestraum to the bride. She requested it, but we were gonna sing it anyway. very lovely

Oh wow that whole Phi Sig wedding sounds so nice. We should totally sing Liebestraum to Jen at her wedding Meg (phisigmeg01). I know she asked you to sing another song as well, but all the phi sigs she invites (and I BETTER be invited) could sing Liebestraum to her. Think about it, she would LOVE it. Anyway, you guys have to sing it at MY wedding (whenever that will be, not for a looooong while ;) ) BTW, when is Jen's wedding going to be? not for like another year right?

i know this is completely unrelated to disaffiliations, but on the subject of weddings -- do any of you know when we're supposed to sing the sweetheart song? i'm always confused about what songs we should use when - it's sad how many traditions get lost over the years :(

and does anyone know any other fun phi sig wedding traditions?

I've read on other Phi Sig websites that alum have sang the Sweetheart song at the reception, gathered around the new bride and groom. I don't know of any other "official" wedding traditions.

I do remember talking to one of my sister one day about "A Baby Story", I guess one of the mothers was in a sorority, and at her baby shower, they did a candlepass. I didn't see it and it was awhile ago, but I thought it was a really cute idea!

YES, Please PM me with that info. I'd love bring some back to my chapter.
-KC :(