Question about Recs, Updated page 2!
 

My User name says it all. I did not go greek and now my DD is interested in rushing.
She is attending a school that no one in my or DH's family has any connection more than halfway across the country.

I have friends that can, and will, write her recommendations but how do we find out if they are important at her school?

She decided last minute when she realized that the girls she was meeting and really liking were all going through rush, that she too would rush.

Ack! I don't know how to help her (except to emphasize clean pressed clothes, maintaining a positive cheerful attitude, as well as keeping an open mind about each house she visits) and I'm wondering if I need to scramble to get some recs quickly.

And as a second question, most of my friends that would happily step up and write a rec are all from the same house, DGs.

Okay, I just thought of a third rec question, my mom suggested I contact my cousin from across the country and ask her for a rec. She stayed with us a week last November for an uncle's funeral, but she had only met my daughter once before that. Is it being too forward to ask her to write a rec for my daughter? She wasn't a DG and the only Theta I really know.

Rush starts in two days!! Arg! I just (like any other mother) want her to have the best chance to make the most of her rush experience but I am so out of my element.

Help please!

Tell your daughter to contact the Greek Life office. On some schools it's not required to have recs, and others it is "strongly encouraged". She's a big girl and is capable of doing some legwork on her own.

See answer above

I don't really see a question here?

Does it matter that she was a DG? Maybe I'm not understanding why it matters that "she wasn't a DG". If your daughter wants recs, she might as well go through all the avenues she can explore to get them. Though, if I had a random cousin that I hadn't heard from or seen in awhile I'd be confused that they called me out of the blue for a rec.

Good luck getting recs in just 48 hrs. Instead of running around like a headless chicken, maybe your daughter should concentrate on the things that are in her control. At this late in the game I don't know if securing recs is something in her control.

maybe some of your dg friends know women in other sororities-i often network with women in other sororities to assist great girls in securing recs. to all the chapters on campus, so it is possible that they do too. call your friends, ask your cousin, co-workers, fellow church members, anyone you can think of. someone will know someone who knows someone-ya know?

perhaps the alums. could email the recommendation information to the recruitment vp of each chapter. i have faxed recommendations before when i did not have enough time to mail them. worse case scenario, the alumna has to phone the house and tell them she has a recommendation that she would like to send and ask them if they have a fax number. if they don't perhaps they could take the information over the phone until the written rec. arrived via mail.

i don't think that it mattered to the op that her cousin was not a dg, rather that this cousin was the only non-dg sorority member she knew of.

Thanks for your response. I was typing pretty fast and I guess I didn't make much sense.

My comments about the DGs were because if she got six recs, four would be for that house. Is that overkill or should she invest in that effort?

The comment about my cousin, the Theta, was wondering if it's appropriate to ask her as we haven't been close through the years, although she did stay here a week last November and we had a great time reconnecting. I guess I wouldn't expect to write a letter of rec for her children for a job, but the Greek system is much smaller and insular than the work world. Would she be happy to write a rec (Happy to help! Welcome to my world!) or not? I guess I included that she wasn't a DG because my mind was thinking of that if she were, I doubt she'd ask for the fifth rec for that house.
And I probably didn't phrase that well either. :p But I guess no one on this board would know the answer to that question as they aren't my cousin.

Thanks again for the response! I'll direct her to the Greek Life Office and forward emails and phone numbers of potential recs for her to follow up if she's informed it's important.

You mentioned concentrating on what's in her control, I would happily hear your thoughts on that.

DD?

Designated Driver?

Sorry, DD = Dear Daughter. I post on a few other forums and similiar abbreviation are used extensively.

I guess I just assumed recs could be emailed to the houses, but as I said, I really know nothing about the processes involved in rushing.
Today I learned the meaning of the word, "suicide", at least as it pertains to rush.

I co-sign FSUZeta. Most women have contacts in other orgs, though the timeline is working against your daughter. However, the explanation that she has made some great friends and has decided to rush with them can help explain the last minute decision.

In addition, I would call your Theta cousin. Check that.. I would have your daughter contact your Theta cousin. Believe me, we respond much more favorably to the person rushing than to a mom trying to do everything for them. Your cousin might be excited to learn that a family member is rushing.

In addition, Theta recs can be emailed to the chapter straight from the Theta website, and the resume and photos can be sent as attachments. The cousin may not be aware of this, as I don't think we have had this online option for long. Anyway... that would get a rec to the chapter as soon as she is finished with it.

TotalNewbe - I like what FSUZeta suggested about talking to your DG friends about soliciting some of their other NPC friends' help. Also, the Theta cousin shouldn't (I would think) have any issue with writing your daughter a rec.

The real problem is that it is so close to the beginning of recruitment and that can be a problem when trying to get recs sent in quickly. I would suggest providing any and all info to your rec writers that can speed up the process - fax numbers, phone numbers of the recruitment advisor for the house (as a recruitment advisor, I fielded lots of calls from alumnae who were letting me know a rec was on its way) or even email addresses if you can find them.

Regarding the question about whether or not recs are necessary really depends on the campus. Have you been able to do a search on GC to see if it is a campus that has been discussed here? That might be of some help.

Also, I would suggest directing your daughter to some key threads on GC that could give her some insight into the process since she is getting started a little late.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Not to be a downer, but if you are at a school where recs are crucial I'm not sure if sending them in this late is going to have the full effect as if you had sent them in a month ago. I know even at my school, which is not nearly as competitive as the South, if we received a rec the day before recruitment started or whatever it would be nice but we'd have to scramble to do research on the women. Most of the women with recs would have sent theirs in with enough time for the actives to thoroughly review the information, match her up with actives with similar interests, etc. I would still try to get as many recs as you can, but I'm also just warning you that they probably will not be as beneficial as they would if they had been sent in earlier.

it may not have the same impact that it would have had had it arrived at the beginning of the summer,but if a chapter falls in love with her, and having a rec. for her is a national requirement, it will help to have one, even if it arrives one or two days before recruitment begins.

Can I just say Thank You to all of you for your helpful replies! Thank you!! Even if it's not all sunshine and roses I appreciate the honest feedback.

I googled "Greek life + forum" and found this site and emailed her the link pretty quickly. She is scrambling to make sure her clothes and shoes are ready and she has completed her homework for the next week. School has been in session two weeks and rush will overlap, but not conflict, with her classes.

Eek!! National requirement?? I had no idea!

Before you, and more importantly your DD, get anxious about Recs - find out if they are an absolute necessity. Some schools don't pay much attention to Recs. Your daughter should ask around to her friends that are going through recruitment if they obtained recs. Better yet, your DD should ask her Recruitment Counselor (sometimes called Pi Chi, Gamma Chi, formally known as a Rho Chi) about the importance of Recs.

Relax, I think what the poster meant is that if the chapter falls in love with her and it is a national requirement for the CHAPTER to get recs on all their rushees, it will be helpful if they already have one.

ETA: and to piggyback on the answer above, I definitely cosign that, I went to a huge school with a massive greek system and recs were nice extras to have on some girls if they came in, but otherwise, no one on campus paid attention or did much about them

thanks nittanyalum, that is exactly how i should have phrased it!

Again I want to say thank you to everyone that responded to this question. I had searched but didn't find much that seemed to explain to the know-nothing (me!) and since I posted this question I've learned the best answer might be, "It depends".

To update, in case anyone would like to hear, she obtained recs to four houses from six women, including my cousin. My cousin wrote me an email telling me she was thrilled to write a rec so my worrying was for naught. In fact everyone who wrote a rec was so happy to do it for her. Afterwards they all conveyed to me how much they loved Greek life and hoped my daughter could experience the same happiness they found in college.

It was really sweet and I can say it touched my heart and it was great to speak with so many people that had nice things to say about my daughter. It's not just me that thinks so much of her!
She is in the midst of her rush experience and so far, she is really enjoying it. She remains happy and optimistic.

Thank you again ladies of GreekChat, your advice was truly helpful.

Thanks for updating us. Please let us know how things work out for your daughter!

I hope to post a successful ending to this rush experience when she's done gee ess! As I said, so far she is really enjoying the experience. Meeting the girls, oops, women (my baby is growing up!), seeing inside the beautiful homes, meeting and laughing with the other PNMs, even just touring around the greek neighborhood has been fun for her.

She has not one negative thing to relate about the experience, and how often can you say that?

But even if it all falls apart, I'll update the story (here or in the "Recruitment Stories" forum) when it's over.

Ladies (and gentlemen) of GreekChat, first I would like to thank all of you for your responses and help. As I said in my first post, I was in unknown territory as my daughter decided to rush. Your comments and pms were so helpful to both of us.

She has a friend at another school that received only one invite after the first round so my my daughter was aware how quickly the bottom can drop out from under you in this process but she put on her cute clothes, a big smile, and went out to meet, impress, and learn.
The first night of the first round it poured rain and she called me that night laughing, "Oh mom, everyone tried so hard to be cute, but no one was cute tonight!"

She had a strong rush experience receiving the maximum invites to each round. After preference night she got a call from her Rho Omega (that news scared me until I heard) to tell my daughter she had received a bid!

Yea!! She has pledged Alpha Delta Pi!

We have discussed throughtout the process and today again, the close bonds of sisterhood that can develop as a member of a sorority and she can see that already, feeling close and connected to these women. She is meeting new people and making friends and is on a high from it. She is looking forward to tonight where she has her first chapter meeting and I am happy to report that her rush experience was a big success!

As far as the recs went, she obtained recs for four houses. Two dropped her after the first night, one dropped her after the third round and one invited her to preference night. I'm not sure if they played any role in her success but it was great to be in touch with my cousin (we're emailing regularly now) and old friends.

Thank you GreekChat, your experience and advice were very, very helpful. Thank you again.

congrats to your daughter and ADPi! Glad that she had a great experience with recruitment.

And thanks to you for checking back in and updating us.

Congrats and thanks for the update! Sounds like she had fun and I'm glad she's happy with ADPi! It's awesome that you as a mom with no experience with greek life did the work behind finding out what was going on!

At our school with the new panhellenic recruiting cuts, and they are huge right off the bat, we don't look at recs like we used to. Can't afford to invite someone to a second party if there are other girls they like better. We do not do that with legacies, they are all extended an invite back.

Isn't that membership selection information?