Retro Recruitment:: a brutally honest story
 

A few weeks ago, I stumble upon a very brutally honest recruitment story. I feel as though that story was 1) the most real 2) the most interesting to GCers and 3) the most interesting to PNM's. My story will be very similar to that.

To all of you that would like to know: YES I will be having a legend with sorority names at the end and the campus name will be revealed (unless my PM box is full with ppl telling me not to).

Be prepared GCer's this is a long one with many twists and turns.

Hmmmm now for code names:

Nate Archibald
Chuck Bass
Blair Waldorf
Serena van der Woodsen
Dan Humphrey
Vanessa Abrams
Jenny Humphrey
Ryan Atwood
Seth Cohen
Marissa Cooper
Summer Roberts

Ok, I am now off to get some food and will post the first post in an hour or so.

CLUE TO MY SCHOOLS LOCATION:
- I am off to In-n-out. This should definitely give some of you GCers a BIG clue :)

Indeed it did! Mmm...grilled onions...


:)

so
 

I've narrowed you down to a part of the country.
Now I'm craving... thanks...

i must be a sucker for all these stories... I'll be waiting

a little about me
 

I was so surprised when I opened up my admission letter.... well, i am lying.... it was more like i went online and saw the 'status of my application' and the first word on my screen was congratulations.

Move in day for my dorms was amazing. I met my AWESOME roommate Cassie and we defin hit it off. I told her all about my boyfriend, a boy i had been with for 3 years. Now that I was moved into _____ my bf and I were 2 and a half hours away from each other.

She was getting ready to go to some meeting for sorority recruitment. I had NO idea that was even going on or what it was. I mean, school hadn't even started yet! She invited me to go with, and i did. Since I had no idea i was going to go through recruitment, I KNEW i would not have anything to wear for the really formal night (pref). But Cassie said she would defin let me borrow some of her formal wear. That was really sweet.

All I knew about a sorority was what i saw on MTV Sorority life and to be completely honest, the show ACTUALLY made me like the idea of a sorority.

I was invited to several parties in high school and but had drinken a VERY few times. Never to the extect of some of my party friends. Since my parents were prominent people in our pretty concervative community, I had a certain image to uphold and i swore by it. I definitely was friends with many ppl that did not share the same morals as me. i would just let them do their thing.

But now i was in a new city and I wanted to just experience life. MTV sorority life- to me- portrayed a group of girls from different walks of life, who each had experienced something that another girl had not.

I wanted a sorority that would 1) party (i'm a big socializer) 2) is well known/popular 3) hung out with alot of frats 4) had a lot of pretty girls.

Cassie and i went to the meeting with a few other girls on our floor:

Linette- sweetest girl ever. one of those gilmore girl sarcastic humor types. I get along really well with people with sarcastic humor.

Kirsten- this girl was kind of...... hmmmmm..... i would say the b word, but thats not a very classy word to say.... lets just say that she was pretty demanding. She was B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L. But you could tell she was pretty self concious or something cause she clung on to Cassie and I the entire time.

There were 3 or 4 other girls from our floor that came and walked with us, but i dont remember them too much.

the recruitment meeting
 

WOW. There must have been AT LEAST 600 girls crammed into this big room. Since i was not planning to go through recruitment or even had any knowledge about it, I was wondering how all these girls did (?!?!?)

As soon as the meeting was over, we split into our groups by our last name. Since I was not registered, i did that, and joined a group. All this hub bub definitely made me excited.

I was not in a group with Linette, Cassie, or Kirsten which was fine. I found a few girls in my own group who I got to know.

After the leader lady gave us all the info on what to expect for the next day, we were excused. Linette, Cassie, Kirsten and I stuck around and went to the backroom where some representatives of each sorority were. Everyone was invited to talk to them after the meeting to ask general questions. I made sure to go to each one and introduce myself to the and talk to them. I really didnt make any judgments. It seemed like everyone was nice and cool. Cassie and I talked to some of them together and some of them apart.

Linette, Cassie, and I went back to our dorms together to get some sleep. Kirsten left earlier to go to some party. She tried getting Cassie and I to go.

DAY 1
 

Linnette, Cassie, Kirsten, a few other floormates, and I walked together- early- to our meeting place. Kirsten talked about her boyfriend back home and how she met someone at the party last night. She said something like "[my boyfriend] knows i'm going to cheat on him, i mean we are like a zillion miles away, so whatever". It was really aggrivating for me to hear since my boyfriend was far from me. But I never really took what she said to heart.

We all knew NONE of the sorority reputations, which could be a good thing i guessed.

We split into our groups and walked to sorority row. Low and behold, the MOST BEAUTIFUL HOUSES! ughhhh gorgeous.

Since this story took place a long time ago, I will not be able to tell you the correct order I went to these houses in. but, anyways:

Nate Archibald- ehhh this house was ok. I just didnt like this room in their house that was made out of wood. Alot of their house reminded me of a ski lodge and this is ______ where the sun always shines. I talked to many girls. I asked if their house had parking (big plus if they did!) BUTTTTT they said their parking was reserved for the president and their house mom. It meant a lot to me that a house have parking. I wanted my boyfriend to be able to come and see my house. He was a big part of my life and soon the sorority would be too. The girl I was talking to told me about the rules for boys. This place just had too many rules. for someone who wanted to break free, hearing the rules was not what i wanted.

Chuck Bass- tent talk was intense for this house... and not in a good way. I walked in and....... the house just seemed so barren. Not a lot of picture, not a lot of furniture. Compared to the insides of other houses (all with VERY homey touches and excellent furniture) this house just seemed so... empty. I decided to not talk much. I knew I was not interested. This was ok since the actives had to double up and the other PNM was a talker.

Blair Waldorf- the 3 story house was pretty impressive, but that is all it had. I felt like I was going on a repeat of questions. There was not one girl I actually remembered

Serena van der Woodsen- this house was so small. and it was so dark. it was kind of creepy. BUT the girls were gorgeous and I just clicked and got along with everyone i talked to. We did not talk about sorority life or any of that. there was a point where 2 actives were talking to me. I felt bad because this was another house that was doubling up (2 PNM's for one active) and I had 2 actives and the other PNM was barely talking. I loved the girls, because they reminded me of myself, but I just didnt know if the house was something I could call home. Compared to the other bright, beautiful houses, this house just seemed small and dark.

Dan Humphrey- woahhhh this house was like the stereotypical sorority. Everyone was happy, jumping excited. Seeing to it I just came from Serena van der Woodsen and seeing all these very real, chill girls, this house was too "Oh my gawwwddd" for me.

Vanessa Abrams- There was something about the tiles of this house that just felt like home. I got alot of really cool girls. It seemed like a mix of serena's and dan's in one house. I liked it.

Jenny Humphrey- This house was prob the biggest on the row. The active and i talked about our boyfriends and stuff. We even talked a tad about drinking and stuff lke that (I brought it up). She told me she was a hardcore straightedge due to religious beliefs. I felt the same way here that i felt at Nate's.

Ryan Atwood- was everyone in this house blonde? The girls were fun and poised. Their coutyard was beautiful. I felt at home. It was a wierd feeling, but after this house, i kind of new what I was looking for in a sorority.

Seth Cohen- do not remember one thing... at this point, it took a lot for a house to stick out in my head, and this just didnt. the girls were nice and everything, but you could tell that we were exhausted... on both ends.

Marissa Cooper-I saw it and just knew... this was my house.i walked in and-to this day- i believe this is the most beautiful house visually at ____. I was given a house tour and me and the girl were talking about this clothing store weboth liked. I came accross a picture of all the girls on a yacht. The girl told me one of their date parties was on a yacht. I did a quick scan and.... OH MY GOSHHHH... one of my best guy friends was on the boat! I told the girl and she was like "WOAHHHHHH yes, he is from ______ (my hometown) just like my sister dana!" This just proved to me that I loved Marissa. Another active showed me the rest of the house and took me to the balcony... THERE WAS PARKING (alot)!!!!! and she told me that every sister can use the parking and there are some saved for certain people (prez, house mom). Next, i was seated with another active. She was soooo chill. We talked about my boyfriend and told me "yeah, a lot of the other sororities have rules against boys in their houses and stuff... but we are way chill over here". We even got into talking about partying and she insinuated that they do have low key parties at their house. that was it, a house that fulfilled everything that i wanted :) and i loved it.

Summer Roberts- this house was not as aesthetically pleasing as other houses. It was a long day and I believed i found my home

It was easy for me to rank

1 Marissa
1 Ryan
1 Vanessa
1 Serena
1 Blair
1 Dan
1 Seth
1 Summer

2 Nate
3 Chuck
4 Jenny

I basically would only do Marissa and Ryan. No chance for anyone else. I hyped myself up for it. I went through my entire cloet finding things that Marissa and Ryan would like. I amped myself up like crazy. So excited!!!!

Linnette, Cassie, Kirsten, and I all had different favorites. It was not a big deal for me to be in the same house as them. I fell in love with Marissa and Ryan

Good to hear you have your priorities in check :)

well.... at least she is trying to be honest. I've seen several PNM's with the same mindset. :rolleyes:

I KNOW. I KNOW.

Are the codes names from a show or something?

They're from the tv show "Gossip Girl"

Day 2
 

I was so excited for today! it was wierd because JUST 2 DAYS before, I never even knew about recruitment. Now I was enthralled!

Cassie, Linnette and I took serveral pictures together as we waited for our group leaders to come with our invites.

I finally got a hold of mine!!!!!!

With the max of 7 houses I recieved an invite from:

Nate Archibald
Blair Waldorf
Serena van der Woodsen
Dan Humphrey
Vanessa Abrams
Jenny Humphrey


But where was marissa???? and no ryan? I was okay with not having ryan, but not marissa. I was perplexed, and hurt. I handed in my schedule to my rho chi and told her I no longer wanted to participate in recruitment.

She looked at my list and told me that she was confused. she said had a pretty full schedule (most PNM's recieved 4) and there were a lot of top houses on my list. I said no.

I left, cried, called my boyfriend, walked home blah blah blah etc etc etc.

THE STORY CONTINUES!!!!!

Day 3,4,5
 

Cassie, Linnette, and Kirsten continued with recruitment. Each day she came home with amazing stories about her time she spent at each house. This made me even sadder. NOT that i did not get an invite into Marissa or Ryan, but that I was so stubborn.

I did not even give the other houses a chance.

Why didn't I just try and continue till pref before i made a decision. This is a decision I regret to this day.

Cassie told me that her number 1 house changed from day 1 to day 2. What if that happened to me? now, I will never know.

Pref night came:
Cassie went to: Dan and Jenny
Linnette went to: Dan and Jenny
Kirsten went to: Ryan and Dan

This made me even sadder. Houses that I easily dismissed became the favorites of some of my best friends. I made a judgement call on an entire house based on one conversation.

Bid day came around and (TO MY SUPRISE) Cassie, Linnette, and Kirsten all went Dan!!!!!

It was wierd how that worked. My initial reaction of Dan was so different from all of them. But they loved the house (quick flash forward. Cassie, Linnette and Kirsten stayed in Dan for all 4 years. They LOVED their chapter. Cassie told me that Kirsten is such an amazing girl. They got to know each other so much better and she is so proud that Kirsten is her sister).

I made tons of new friends my freshman year. Though I still admired the letters cassie had hanging on the wall, I had an amazing freshman year at _____ thanks to my amazing friends.

I still regret making the decision that I made Day 2.

I figured since this is a retro thread that you were trying to set up the storyline.... ;)
20/20 hindsight definitely makes a story read quite differently than a live one!

And you ARE being brutally honest.

Realization
 

I hope my honest recollection will help PNM's

My entire freshman year I heard tons of stereotypes of the different sororities.

Here were the sorority tiers (each person was definitely biased, so again take this info with a grain of salt). I am saying the tiers to prove a point. If you would like to know why it was tiered this way, PM me and i will write you.

Top
Jenny and Ryan
Serena
Dan
Vanessa
Blair

Bottom
Marissa and Nate
Summer
Seth
Chuck


HERE ARE THINGS I HAVE LEARNED:

1) DO NOT BE STUBBORN!!!! everyone on GC and during recruitment said to have an open mind. Have an open mind EACH DAY of recruitment.go through the ENTIRE process and pick what you think is best for you ONLY at pref. You meet ppl everyday that will be swinging your vote. Getting so attatched after 45 min of visiting a house is not rational.

2) DO NOT listen to tent talk. Some PNM's are telling you their favorite houses suck. This is so you will rank them low and they will rank them high. Yes, in some schools- including mine- this does happen. Therefore, keep your mouth shut and do what you believe is for you.

Take 2
 

Like I told you, there are several twists and turns that happened during my recruitment process.

Here is twist #1. lol.

I went through formal recruitment the following year. Being a sophomore, i knew, would not be a positive thing.

I just saw Cassie experience all these things through being in Dan that I had wanted to experience in college- date parties, formals, community service, etc. It seemed like each time she went out, she came home with such an amazing story/memory. I loved the friends I had, but I wanted to be more involved in my school. In a school composed of over 45,000 students, i really wanted to find my niche at _____ university. my friends and i did more in the city than we did in the school.

So hear we go again!!!!

LOVE LOVE LOVE this thread. I really like when people can be honest about how superficial they may have been as freshmen, I definitely know I went through rush making some very superficial decisions that embarrass me now. Such a fun read, please update soon!!!

DAY 1
 

Nate Archibald- I went in with a total open mind. I remember talking to 3 girls. it was nice.

Chuck Bass- again, the house just felt so barren. 2 PNM's per an active. When the active found out I was a sophomore, she kind of stopped talking to me and only concentrated on the other freshman PNM

Blair Waldorf- i had a letter of rec to this house. One of my friends' girlfriends was in this house 2 and I ended up talking to her a lot. I do not remember much of the conversations though.

Serena van der Woodsen- this house was still way dark. But i had an amazing conversation with this one girl. She was so funny. I remember talking to her about gilmore girls. We also talked alot about the dance team (I was going to audition and shes been in dance forever). i remember laughing like crazy with her.

Dan Humphrey- I have been to this house several times and knew just about every girl because of cassie. Cassie came and said a quick hi, i know she was busy doing whatever she had to do on her side of recruitment. I love Cassie, but I knew I wasn't a Dan. I think she knew it too.

Vanessa Abrams- This house still felt like home. I got into a conversation with the girl about their house cook and how he made these excellent desserts. we laughed.

Jenny Humphrey- One of my floormates was a Jenny. We loved each other, so I was excited to come here. Since I knew the area of the school better, we talked about the shopping and boutiques in the area that we liked.

Ryan Atwood- again, was everyone in this house blonde? man. I did not know anyone in this house, but i just went in and hoped for the best. i got seated with this one girl who ended up knowing one of my best guy friends. we talked about the funny shenanigans he pulled.

Seth Cohen- I knew a girl here who deactivated. She ended up telling alot of the sororities secrets to anyone who would listen. this made me sad. i didnt say her name or ask about it during this recruitment party. nice girls, not for me.

Marissa Cooper- this house still had the home feel. (FLASH FORWARD: remember that guy on the yacht that i knew from my hometown? well after recruitment, i talked to him a few times and was like 'duuuddde you went on a yacht for a sorority event?' and he told me a few things. This guy was one of the most 'popular' guys in his high school and was infamous for cheating on girls. I know thats not commendable, but I've known him for years. Turns out he dated that girl in the sorority for like 2-3 years and cheated on her. all of the sisters of marissa hated him). I was respectful and nice during the recruitment party but decided that my friendship with a person I have known for over 5 years was more worth it.

Summer Roberts- this house was nice. I was paired with an eager freshman PNM and didnt have much room to talk

now to the ranking

1 Serena
1 Ryan
1 Jenny
1 Nate
1 Blair
1 Summer
1 Vanessa
1 Dan

2 Chuck
3 Seth
4 Marissa

Since i was a sophomore and recruitment is pretty competitive, I would be happy with one from my tops. I did not expect a full schedule. I was just trying to keep an open mind.

OK GCer's bed time. Day 2 is to come.

could you hurry it up a little??? I'm impatient :D ... I'm glad you decided to tell your story. This will help so many PNM's, IMO. I went to a midwestern school with only 5 sororities and I think things could have been different for so many including myself if I just would have not listened to other people. (But I would still be an A XI).

i love your story! please continue when you are able.

I'm hooked! I can't wait to hear more!

How long ago was this?

I love this story! Keep going please :)

come on more more more

Day 2
 

I remember feeling a HUGE deja vu at this point. I remember walking up to our group leader and getting my paper that had my schedule. I didnt even look at it!!!

I just started walking towards the houses. If I was standing in fron of the houses, I knew i wouldnt do what I did last year and walk away.

I thought to myself "dude, last year, some of the houses that invited me back to Day 2, i easily dismissed because they were on the bottom of my list last year. Now I WANT them on my list."

"screw it" I thought as I stood in front of sorority row and I flung open my schedule to see what it looked like:

Blair
Serena
Jenny
Ryan
Seth
Marrissa

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, WHATTTTTTTT?!?!?!?!?!??!?! I mean how did I end up with ALOT of my number ones?!?!?!?!

I was so confused. I had just prepped myself to hope for the worst. now i was in utter shock.

I was a little wierded out that I was not invited to Dan. I knew Cassie and Linette were pulling for me hardcore. I thought I would be the one to rank them low. honestily though, that thought was a 5 secon thought. I was still in shock about my amazing list!

stop teasing and just post the whole story for me PLEASE???

ok so Marissa and Ryan were your tops from freshman year, and now Marissa is at your bottom, but NOW Marissa is on your schedule!

but you also got Serena! bah! this one is getting really good.

(i dont watch Gossip Girl, but have read all the books, so still excited!)

Day 2... continued
 

Blair
Serena
Jenny
Ryan
Seth
Marrissa


Blair Waldorf- I got picked up by my good guy friends girlfriend. This kind of bothered me because 1) I knew she wasnt really involved with her house and 2) I already met her the 1st day. But the 'picking up' of the PNM's was way random (line of actives that picked up a PNM based on where they were in line). I was handed off to another active and she asked me the standard questions. I tried to veer away from these questions by asking her questions that were not 'typical' (I asked things like "have you gone to 'this mall'? I used to work at 'this place'." and she would answer, "oh thats so cool, i love their stuff. where's your hometown?") blah.

I left blair still EXTATIC about my amazing list!

Serena van der Woodsen- I was paired up with a girl who looked oddily like me. we laughed about that. This one active even came up to us and was like "tania, is that you sister who is going through recruitment you were talking about (I guess her REAL sister was going through recruitment). My name is lisa, ive heard so much about you!" Tania and I looked at each other and laughed. Then we explained to the active. She laughed with us. These girls really seemed interested in what I was saying. It was a totally different level. I left loving the girls. I loved that the active knew that tania's sister was going through recruitment. At alot of the houses, it almost seemed like when they 'switched girls' the sisters did not even know each other. but tania and the other active knew each other and looked like good friends! It was different this time. the house itself no longer looked like the 'dark' house I thought it was. Now it was just pleasent and beautiful. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" :p

Jenny Humphrey- Met a BEAUTIFUL girl and we talked about dance team in high school and how we both could not master this one move. They did a skit. This was cool because my floormate was in it and when everyone was pointing at people in the skit, she pointed at me a zillion times and made eye contact. As we headed to the door, I bumped into the girl who was the lead of the skit. I told her she did amazing. She thanked me and asked for my name and introduced herself (it was SUPER nopisy since we were near the door. I hope she heard me!!!)

Ryan Atwood- As I waited outside with the rest of the PNM's I kind of felt out of place here. I could feel myself thinking of how I should act. These PNM's weren't like the PNM's at Serena. They were all Regina George (mean girls) clones. Despite this, I walked in the house when I was instructed. The first active went really well. then the second active came. We were talking about all kinds of things from our favorite campus diners to the guy in the library who always sleeps in the same place at the same time everyday (true story). I left the house still stoked about my schedule. I didnt know what to make of Ryan because the actives seemed so cool, but the PNM's (and my potential pledge class) were girls that really made me feel uncomfortable. I didnt want to turn into something i was not. confused :confused:

Seth Cohen- I really did not like it here. It was very 'by the book' conversation. same questions that the girl asked the day before. Honestily, since that girl who deactivated this house kind of let out some of their ritual, it didnt seem special. i know thats harsh, but ritual is so secretive and very inticing. Without it, it just isnt the same.

Marissa Cooper- I felt wierd being in this house. I mean, I had wanted it so much last year. now it was on the very bottom of my list (?!?!) It was cool that they asked me back, but I know how loyal i am to friends. I know I cannot be in a house with many of the sisters hating one of my good friends (the girl from Marissa took the break up very hard and still had not gotten over it.) I kept repectful, but definitely did not go out of my way to ask tons of questions.


now to the ranking (4 number 1's)

1 Serena
1 Ryan
1 Jenny
1 Blair

2 Seth
3 Marissa

Today was so smooth that it scared me about tomorro (Day 3). Could things only go good for so long???

Brutally Honest
 

I have been completely brutally honest in this thread about everything. I always reread my posts (and YES i know there are many spelling errors!!!!) after I post them.

I have not been completely honest about one sorority in the last post. I guess I almost feel ashamed to say why. However, I have chosen to be brutally honest, and I stand by that. The sorority that I did not COMPLETELY say the w-h-o-l-e truth on wassssss:














Marissa Cooper

Yes. I wanted to be a loyal to my friend, but that really was a cop out of telling you GCers why I really did not want to be a part of Marissa (sorry guys, won't happen again, love you!). but there is another reason why I no longer liked Marissa. This is kind of shameful to say outloud unless you know where I am comming from. Like I said in my initial post, I wanted to be amoung a diverse set of girls. Marissa had a stereotype of being pre-dominantly asian. I did not notice it at all my first year because I was blind to it (I never got the chance to hear the stereotypes). However, now that I knew it exsisted, i saw it. I would say about 85% (not true stats at all) were asian. And what makes it worse was that there was one group of caucasions (like 5-6 girls) in the sorority that you could tell were only friends with each other. It was this wierd segregation and it did not make me feel good.

Random question:

How do you not notice that almost every girl in a sorority is Asian? Did it just happen that you didn't talk to any Asian members during your first rush?

Day 3
 

I woke up and went to eat. I remember kind of being lonely. Last year, I went through recruitment in a big group of floormates. Now I was just kind of doing my own thing. Of course I made some PNM friends this year who would meet up with me during the day to talk to me about their schedules and stuff (even though our group leaders 'discouraged' that), but it wasnt the same. I got ready and remember a happy shock came over me. I thought: "in 48 hours, I won't be doing this alone."

I walked out to where we met our group leaders. We were allowed a max of 4 houses. If even one of my top four were on there, then i made myself believe that today would be a great day.

I remembered thinking "I should open up my schedule in the same spot as yesterday, it made me lucky yesterday...". blah, sometimes i think i'm OCD. So I walked towards the sorority houses, paper still folded.

I got to a spot where my nerves felt the most comfortable at and opened up my schedule to see....

nooo!! how could you leave us like that!!

An answer to your question
 

During my first recruitment, I was SO clueless toward the entire process. door chanting, pretty glasses of water, beautiful houses. EVERY HOUSE was like disneyland, I just walked in the door and waited 'in line.' I was not looking at race. I was primarily looking for 1) parking for my boyfriend to come visit and 2) a place to party with fun, gorgeous girls. DO NOT get me wrong, the girls of Marissa are gorgeous. Afterall, they fit the bill my freshman year.

But my priorities changed my second year. my boyfriend and I broke up and I spent my freshman year partying. If I wanted to go out, i did not need a sorority to do that. Now I just wanted to find a place to 1) make me feel part of my large campus 2) be proud of: this means that i would be proud of calling myself a _____. I felt like I missed out on a lot of what Cassie got to experience. I wanted that.

Now-my second year- that I knew the stereotypes, I found myself actually looking to see if it was true. It bothered me that the caucasions would hang out with each other and the asian girls had their own group (I saw this at parties I went to during the year). It made me feel uncomfortable.

This made me LOL.

But I think it may be - when you're going through rush the first time - especially if the sorority isn't all wearing the same thing, you have a room full of girls and don't always know who is rushees and who is sisters.

And I know it sounds odd, but I DO know what she means about not noticing that all the girls are (tall, Asian, blonde) until you hear someone say it. From her clue she is in an area of the country where there are a lot more Asians in general so seeing them is more common and not something you really think about. It would be kind of like someone saying on your or my campus "did you notice all the RST sisters are Italian?"

A cliffhanger before bedtime...aaahhh!

I've really enjoyed your story and look forward to the rest.

:)

I can't wait to read the rest! Maybe a little treat for breakfast?

awesome, AWESOME story. I can't wait to hear more!

PLEEEEEEAAASSEEE keep going! I am so enjoying this!
And I like your little strategy about walking away from the recruitment group where girls are opening lists and instead just going over to the houses so that you don't back out! Smart idea.