Sensitive question
 

I really need help with a situation and don't where where to turn. I don't have any hometown girlfriends at my school and can't ask casual friends or my sorority sisters. I've called up a few of my BFFs from back home who are off to their own colleges now, but they either didn't rush or will early next year. One of them suggested this site. My mom is great, but had the opposite advice of what I wanted to hear.

I'm attending my dream school. I definitely wanted to join a sorority and had a lot of fun during rush week. I received a bid from my sorority of choice and Bid Night I was in a dream world, starting to feel like I belonged.

The ?problem is that I was known by many people on campus before I got here because someone in my family has a familiar name. When I went through rush with the other girls, they knew who I was and were very excited to meet me. I never had that reaction at my other schools growing up because I had the same friends for so long. I liked make new friends with the other pledges, but a huge part of me wanted to fade into the woodwork whenever they fussed over who I "was.". During rush, thesisters in the houses didn't say anything at all if they recognized my name---not once the entire rush week. I was hugely happy when I got a bid to the house I wanted.

However, since Bid Night a few older sisters have rather suddenly brought up about "knowing" me, asking questions, and paying more attention to me than the other girls in my pledge class--very nicely, but still I felt awkward. Maybe I'm paranoid, but it seemed some of my pledge class didn't like it. I did everything I could to be kind to the house sisters and also include my new pledge sisters, but I'm definitely getting a lot of extra attention. Only a small part of me likes it because it doesn't seem it's really about the real me. None of the sisters paid this huge amount of attention to me in comparison to the other girls during recruitment and it was one of the big reasons why I wanted to join this sorority.

I really don't want this to be the case, so trust me when I say I'm not imagining this. The sisters in the house are making a fuss over me and a few of the other sisters and at least a few girls in my pledge class seem to look at me like they think I'm being treated special and they don't like it. I'm doing every single thing I can to make that not happen, but the sisters coming up to me seem to be important at the house and I'm sooo confused how to even act at this point. I find myself making a huge effort to include a few pledges more deeply in the visits when the older sisters start talking with me, but the convo always seems to turn around to something to do with me. I know I'm being ambiguous, but I don't know how else to say this here without being vague and I don't know where else to go. My brother and parents think it's great and I really don't, because I want to be liked for who I really am here. I can't imagine changing schools.

I know first impressions are very important and I don't want the girls in my group to resent me. They are still friendly with me, but I sense a little friction. My very BF told me iit's only been a couple weeks and this will all die down, but another friend said that I have to nip it in the bud or my pledge class will not bond with me. I have a real tendency to believe my best friends from home because they know the real me.

Gosh I hope this makes sense. I've battled with how to write it because I don't have any other place to turn. This IS my dream school, I'm excited about my classes, super excited about the sorority and the sisters there, but do not want to wreck things up.

If I'm right and some influential older sisters in the house are paying special attention to me (to the point of near embarrassment), what would you suggest for how I can make sure I don't alienate my own pledge class in any way at all?

I'm really trying hard and posted here after thinking this through and coming up with no other solutions than what I'm already doing. I'm hoping this makes sense because it's been a long day, I'm tired, and I have to be vague. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

Maybe have a heart to heart with your Pledge Chair/Officer/whatever they call the sister who is in charge of the pledge class? She's there to make sure you transition in well and should be able to give you perspective within your pledge class and she can maybe address issues within the sisterhood (tell the initiated members to be sure not to pay too much attention to some pledges and not others, etc.). And I tend to agree with your friend that said to nip it in the bud with your pledge class -- the same officer should be able to help you set up a heart-to-heart between you and your pledge class where you can explain exactly what you said above. I think you did a fine job explaining your situation and came off as really earnest and sincere. I'm sure both your pledge sisters and the initiated sisters would receive the information well (they are obviously excited that you're there!).

Are you sure these girls are paying attention to you for the right reasons?

If you're happy where you're at and really feel that this sorority is the one for you, then keep doing what you're doing. It's important to have a pledge class united, but honestly? Your pledge period is only for a few weeks. Your sisterhood lasts a lifetime.

When I was a collegian, I found myself hanging out more with the older girls because we had similar interests. Same when I became an alum -- I still hung out and partied with the older girls. When you've got a huge group of girls, there's bound to be drama. It's up to you to decide whether or not it's even worth it to be worrying about this.

Be active in your pledgeship and be kind to all the sisters. If they still don't like you, that's their problem. Remember...no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Okay, so I said I was going to bed, but I couldn't sleep--even though I'm exhausted--and it's only like 10:30. I thought I'd read some of the other posts and stickies. I was so surprised some of you replied already!

I was really down just after I wrote my post, thinking I made a mistake going to school away from home, but still mad because I love it here and have always wanted to go here, it works with my major/career goals, everything. Add to that, major PMS (should have known), and then my roommate asked what I was doing online because I looked weird (must have seen me struggling or something!). While I was writing my first post some loud guys had put a note under our door about meeting them in their room tonight (yeh, right, I just can't wait?!). That's when I decided to sign back on, so major thanks for replying.

You gave me some really calming advice, just what the doctor ordered. I'm so happy what I said made sense because I can't really talk about it anymore than what I've said. I agree with the advice that things will die down and liked the idea that as long as I'm friendly with everyone things should all work out. There are so many girls and personalities, it's just a lot to deal with at first.

You made me feel so welcome. I should have come here a while ago. Thanks! Those same guys are at it again and my roomie wants to open the door to see who they are, but I look like a wreck, so I'm off to go hide in bed. I hope to "see" you soon with an update after a while.

You hit the nail on the head up there. It'll seem like it's overwhelming, but that feeling goes away.

That said, enjoy your time on GreekChat. Make sure to post in your sorority's forum so that you can introduce yourself to your new sisters!

You're a girl?

^ You're quick. :p

You're really quick. I'm an Alpha Gam.

For years I thought coramoor was female, but he isn't.

Ha! I always thought Mystic Cat was a chick...I was wrong!

RisingSun, I know of a very similar situation as the one you are presently in. My very best friend from my pledge class was in the same position. She was highly recruited in all of the houses on campus. When she made her choice there was friction among the various groups that she did not select.

She found her home and was very happy and then after bid day you could see how things were going. (we happened to majorly hit it off on bid day and became quite close) The actives were showering her with so much more attention than the other pledges, she received the big/mom that she wanted with no questions asked, and the list goes on. It was quite obvious that she was being favored for who she was and it was uncomfortable. It made her feel awful and to the point that she was feeling different.

She did have numerous thoughts of leaving the sorority. Luckily, we bonded and she confided in me. Our friendship grew and I feel that was very important because she could talk with me about it and it helped ease the pressure/stress/tough feelings she had. It did carry on for a good while, but in time it passed and the women realized she was not perfect and really not that different than anyone else. She may have had a strong family name etc., but once people move beyond that they learn to find greatness in everyone. Things then change.

What I find most funny is other sororities always looked at her with those "big" eyes because they always wondered, but our family just welcomed her like she was just another sister. It will get better and it will feel wonderful in time. You are fortunate to be happy at your university and to have also been invited to the sorority you really wanted! Enjoy- time does move along quite fast!

But, on the other hand, if it does start to seem like your pledge class seems to be splintering at some time, I'd talk to your pledge trainer to try to get things back on track.

Not your same situation, but a pledge class last year from a "top" sorority at a college splintered due to the forming of some real exclusionary "cliques" and it caused a number of unhappy members to transfer. Splintering of the class can not only cause unhappiness in the pledge class, but can also have a detrimental effect on the whole house.

Good luck to you. I hope that things die down on their own, but if you feel that it is lingering or causing some rifts, you might have to take the step of talking to someone about it.

I agree. Your entire pledge class doesn't have to be BFFs, but it helps if you're all at least cordial with one another. My pledge class had a clique of about 7 girls who kept to themselves and had little to do with most of the other girls in our PC for their entire 4 years at school. It caused a lot of issues and hurt feelings, not just with our PC, but with the entire house. A similar situation happened at the chapter I advised, but to an even more extreme degree.

I hope things settle down for you soon. Good luck!

I think if you remain warm, friendly and down to earth (as your post seems to be) with everybody, it will all calm down. Eventually people will say "Can you believe ______? She's SO down to earth!" Most are impressed with someone who has some level of celebrity or fame who is unaffected by it and it helps THEM be unaffected by it too.

wooooooow...... I didn't know either. :(

Share the wealth of sisterhood ...
 

This might be a silly suggestion but when you are showered with this extra (and sometimes unwanted) attention, why don't you try inviting two of your pledge sisters along? Make it a group thing always inviting different pledge sisters each time. This could help you to bond with more pledge and active sisters and could turn you into the catalyst (matchmaker?) for forming bonds between your sisters. There is no reasen why this extra attention displayed toward you couldn't be redirected toward others with your help. :)

What I wouldn't do is make a big deal about it. If you sit down and have a heart to heart with your pledge class, you run the risk of them coming away thinking that you just wanted to continue to draw attention to yourself... and that's not what you are trying to do at all. Some of them may not have even noticed the special attention and you will make them aware of it by trying to address things. Yes, talking to your New Member Educator is a good idea if it becomes a problem--but likely she will see it is a problem before you even have to say anything if it is serious enough and she will address it.

I agree with the other posters--just keep being sweet and warm and people will forget. They will see who you are and not your name then. And this experience you're starting is for a lifetime, so try not to focus so much on the next few weeks and build relationships with sisters from all levels of membership.

RIF

^^^ Yeah but she's the only one who has the option of turning this conversation around! Rising Sun is on the right track but perhaps needs to focus more on deflecting the conversation.

To the OP,

Once you decide how to handle this - get a new GC name to post in your sorority forum. The history of posts can bite you on the butt and then your pledge sisters will have more ammo for controversy.

There have been threads on celebrities going through recruitment (NFL players daughter joined ADPi last year etc). I always thought the girls in the pledge classes would probably get sick of the attention she got eventually and it would all die down. I am assuming you just went through recruitment and it is only 8/28 so you are barely denting the first week or so of the semester so the newness of it all will wear off for everyone. It should all subside but we so appreciate your maturity and welcome you to GC.

Definitely go to your "Pledge Mom", "New Member Educator" or whatever your chapter may call it. I don't think it's necessary to let your PC in on anything, but your Pledge Mom can let the actives know that you're feeling a little uncomfortable with all of the attention.

The actives are pretty attentive to their new pledge classes, and I'm sure most of them will listen if they hear that you're uncomfortable with the attention. There are also plenty of ways the actives can just communicate this info to other actives, so your pledge sisters will never have to know that you "made a big deal" out of it.

Good luck!

I'm curious to knw the advice your mom gave you.

You said it was the opposite of what you wanted to hear... do you aleady have in mind how you want to handle it and you just want that reasoning validated?

I come at this from a different side: I grew up in an area known for celebrities. My husband's father is in the business and it wouldn't be unusual for my husband (when he was a boy) to come home to find very famous sitting in the den.

You can't help it when people stare at you/ask you questions/treat you in a special way because of your famous family. (When one of my daughters was in middle school the daughter of a former AFL ...I think...quarterback came to school. Sure, she was treated like a superstar the first week, after that...not so much). There are pluses. When your sorority has a fundraiser perhaps memorbilia could be donated for a silent auction. If the connection is a ...department store...ANONYMOUS DONATIONS...for house or row fundraisers can be very welcomed.

As a friend of mine, who comes from a very well known family was always told, "To whom much is given...much is expected." Not an original to the family...but to be remembered.

You will find out soon who you click with, but until then, clear the air. People will whisper...don't let them. Be yourself and that will be it.

...very famous person or people...sorry...writing in the morning causes word ommisions. :)

I'm not sure how big your chapter is, but if it's 100+, it might be partly because these sisters didn't get to meet you during recruitment and are just having the "wow" effect happen now.

Plus, if you are at a school that's relatively in the middle of nowhere...it's going to be more of a big deal than if you were at NYU or USC because lots of those students are from teeny weeny towns where nothing ever happens.

I would give it a week or two and let people get used to the fact that you are RISINGSUN lastname, not risingsun OMGFAMOUSLASTNAME.

Fabulous:)

Hi. I didn't expect so many replies! What great advice. I had a perfect day today, running into and visiting with many of the girls in my pledge class between classes, in class. I think some of them think I'm wealthy, but will be surprised that I was raised in a very traditional way and may not even have things they have, but I feel really comfortable now to be able to handle things that come my way because everyone has been so incredibly nice to me. It was a great day, everything clicked. I just wanted to say Goodbye, because when I visit again someday I'll have to change my name and won't be able to talk about RisingSun. Thanks again :)

rebecca logan, is that you?
 

(Random sidenote) actually we nyu students come from all over, but many of us come from the tri-state area or second cities (chicago, miami, dallas/houston, LA). Or otherwise have travelled well in their youth.

Ok those aren't really 2nd cities, but there aren't as many "small town" froshies at nyu as you think.

(End random sidenote)

Hrm...I took 33's post to mean: If you're from a college in the middle-of-nowhere, your famous name may be a big deal since not a lot of exciting things happen in small towns - as opposed to big name places like NYU and USC where one would expect to see famous people.

I think you read that middle statement as one related clause when it was really two. :)

.....Kelly :)

Oh crap. Really? Damn. I genuinely thought coramoor was a female.
Major apologies to coramoor for this mistake that I just realized I was making.


*embarrassed* :o