Mom new to Greek, daughter rushing. needs help
 

1. what kinds of things are discussed at the decision phase when the girls have gone through and met some of the new pnms? There are so many girls to consider, how do they keep them all straight?

2. When you say, "keep your options open" regarding putting down after each time you go through your 'top' houses. I'm sure it will be just as nerve wracking for my daughter to have to choose based on such quick meetings. therefore, how can she keep her options 'open' while continuing to cut and they are doing the same?

3. maximize by going to all the events. I'm sure she'll do that. but what girl wouldn't? I'm a little confused by this, as I'm sure my daughter wouldn't refuse an invitation by any house, and would feel honored that they invite back.

4. so they keep inviting my daughter back...and she's down to 3 of her top choices - because she has to pick only 3...which may or may not line up with the ones that liked her the best. How can she make a wise choice? I'm sure as hosteses, none of the sisters would be rude, therefore, maybe my daughter might mistake etiquette and kindness for an interest and chance not getting a bid.

I never went through rush and I don't know how to counsel her.

Good luck to your daughter. Don't stress so much about all of this.

1. You will never know how the chapters decide who to pick. This is membership selection which is secret.

2. Keeping your options open just means not cutting a group just because you don't think the other girls like them. If you are invited back to that group and you have an available slot for their party after accepting invitations to the groups you liked, go to that party as well. You never know how your opinion might change from day to day. We've all seen it!
3. You'd be surprised how many girls will refuse to go to a party because they decided BEFORE recruitment which chapter they want to pledge. Always go to the party if you are invited.
4. Your daughter will have to decide where she would most like to be. If she can't rank them by the end of the week, then she is in an enviable position. She'd be happy anywhere she gets a bid. Tell her to do what SHE thinks is right, not what you, her friends, her rho chi, her rho chi group members or anyone else thinks is right!

^^^ agreed with the above. Also, I'd recommend reading all of the threads stickied to the top of the forum.

does it ever happen that she has a conflict of an event between two houses? I mean, when you say girls "cut" going - could it be because they can't be at two places at once? and when do girls decide to 'cut'. It is my understand that..

1. first weekend on a friday and saturday, you attend all 15 or so houses
2. on Sunday she goes to 10 houses - which translates to not attending 5 (does she not get invited back? or can she still attend al 15?)
3. Monday she is down to 6 houses.... again, who is doing the cutting? can she keep attending as many as she wants? (provided she gets an invite from all). And is there such a thing that she might not get invited to at least 6 by monday.
4. the following sunday, she is down to 3 houses...in the interim, during the week, how did she go from 6 to 3? did they not invite her back, or is she only allowed to attend 3?

this is all so confusing...

and finally, on bid day, if she DOESNT get a call? that's a GOOD thing????

oh, and i didn't give her any letters either. do they really look at those things? i mean, i know some women who would speak lovely on her behalf that were in sororities...but i guess i just dropped the ball.

I'm not really sure I understand everything you're asking, but I'll give it my best shot.

Recruitment is a mutual selection process, meaning that both the chapters and your daughter will be deciding which (if any) sorority is a good fit.

It is not possible to attend more than the maximum number of parties on any given day. For example, when you mention that on Sunday she goes to 10 houses, the most parties she can possibly attend is 10. It is possible that she may be attending fewer than 10 parties.

All universities do it a bit differently, but generally speaking, your daughter will have a Recruitment Counselor who will explain everything to her and help her along the way.

Hope that helps!

You can attend as many parties are allowed for each day. If your daughter can go to 5 parties, she should pick her 5 favorite from the invitations she has. If she is invited to 6 parties and likes all but ABC. She should drop ABC and go to the parties that she likes. No one is advocating that she cut a group she likes in favor of keeping a "weak" chapter as a back up. The process usually works pretty well. Making the decision to cut a group is usually less difficult than picking the final chapter in the end. Your daughter may even have the choices made for her. She should got each day to as many parties as she possibly can. If she is invited to fewer parties than the maximum allowed for that day, she can only attend the number that she was invited to. She, also, will not be able to attend more than is allowed each day.

2. If she's only allowed to go to a maximum of 10 houses on Day 2, she will only go to the houses that invited her back. There's a chance that she WON'T be invited back to all 10. She could get 1-9 invites.

3. She'll be doing the cutting and the houses will do the cutting. Rush is mutual selection.

4. See Answer #2.

It's not that confusing.

And yes, no phone call is a good thing.

Yes, we look at those things.

It really depends on how competitive her school is. If all the PNMs have a rec in hand for all sororities and your daughter has zero, she may be SOL. If recs aren't really needed there, don't worry about it. Still, it's a good thing to have because it helps the chapter get to know her.

I'll have to agree with the girls who've said that she'll have a Recruitment Counselor available to answer all questions pertaining to rush. Don't confuse yourself too much with the process. Try reading the stickied threads in the recruitment forums before throwing out questions. Those threads may be able to help you better understand it all.

No. Panhellenic (the group coordinating rush events for all the sororities) schedules the parties and the attendees so they do not overlap. The sororities basically put on the same party multiple times so all the rushees can attend. Kind of like TNT showing the same show multiple times and different people watching it each time. :)

The number of parties she is allowed to attend decreases as she gets further along in the process.

this is the method of mutual selection ...

first day is usually an open house where all PNMs visit all the sororities. Your group moves from house to house in a scheduled pattern.

second day - this is usually a first invitation day. the PNMs have either ranked all the groups at the end of the first day or receive actual invitations. in the first method, the sororities issue invitations to those PNMs they'd like to see again, and panhellenic matches up the PNMs preferences with the invitations they receive and the PNMs are presented with an event schedule. For example, on the second day the PNMs can attend 10 events (all well be scheduled one after another). If you get invited to more than 10 sororities, then you have to "cut" which ones you won't attend. in the first case, panhellenic does the matching and you would never know if a group you had listed lower in your preference did or didn't invite you, if you have a full schedule. in the second case, you get to see the actual invitations and know which ones invited you and which didn't. In either case you can attend up to 10 events, no more, and perhaps less if you don't get invited.

the next days are a repeat of this process, with successively less events that you can attend. Each day the length of the events gets longer, so even though you're going to less events the days are just as long.

last set of events is preference, these are parties where the sororities will attempt to show some of what their sisterhood is about via serious songs, serious talk, and a ceremony of some sort.

after preference, the PNMs rank the sororites in the order they wish to join.. ie ABC #1, DEF #2, and XYZ #3. if they only attended 2 or 1 preference party, panhellenic may or may not allow the PNM to list other chapters they would be willing to accept a bid from even if they didn't attend their preference party.

PNMs often have decided that a group is "not desirable" before recruitment even begins and are not happy about having to attend an event at a group they believe is not good enough for them and will skip the party or attempt to drop them even if they have room in their schedule to attend. This is not desirable, and depending on the rules of panhellenic may get you dropped from recruitment. At the least, you will not be eligible for extra consideration at bid matching time .. ie you are not eligible for quota addition if you don't "maximize" your options.

not getting a call on bid day is a good thing ... most panhellenics attempt to inform PNMs if they don't get a bid so they won't show up expecting one and are uncomfortable.

hope this helps ... if you have any explicit questions, please feel free to PM me and I'll try to answer.

i did read most of them. lol but i was still a little confused. i guess i can't understand that if a girl chooses 3 sororities, and they have invited her back...how can she not get in?

also, would an email suffice to the sorority from my lady friends? or should my daughter carry around copies of this letter for all the sororites to have on hand? i don't know how would be a good time to get these letters to the houses. Also, does her referal have to be from a former greek? Or what if my lady friend belongs to house XYZ, I don't think house ABC would want a referal letter from my friend who was in XYZ?

AZ alphi xi - you are very helpful. thank you. I will tell my daughter to be the gracious recipient of all invites - like i raised her to be. I can't imagine that she would not go to a house when she was invited and her schedule allows her to. if she does and it hurts her in the end, she will not have given the process it's full chance.

and what does PNM stand for? lol

The sororities cannot take everyone they want or who wants them or they would grow unmanageably large. Plus the sororities don't know who likes them best, just as the rushees don't know which sorority likes them best. The sorority usually invites more women back to their final parties than they can actually take.

Your daughter should NOT carry anything and email is not acceptable. If you have friends who are alumnae of sororities, ask them to write a recommendation form for your daughter (or better yet, your daughter should ask herself). They will know what you are talking about and take it from there. You should only ask women who are sorority alumnae to do this.

I think you're treading into membership selection territory.

Absolutely under no circumstances does she carry this letter around. The rec letters should be submitted to the chapter BEFORE she goes through rush. And it's not just one standard letter, either. Each sorority has their OWN form they ask their members to turn in when they want to recommend a girl for membership. ABC members only write recs to the ABC house, etc.

Potential New Member. I find it hard to believe that you've read the stickied recruitment threads as you claim. :rolleyes:

10 events in one day - what if she has class? the day she is "down to" 6 is on a monday, which is a class day. what should she do?

Rush and class will not occur at the same time.

You know what?

Quit wondering about it.

If she's concerned about things related to recruitment, she'll ask her Recruitment Counselor.

you are talking here about recommentations. These should be from a member of XYZ to the XYZ chapter. a recommendation from a member of ABC won't count at XYZ. The member of XYZ who is providing the recommendation is responsible to getting that recommendation letter or form to the chapter, not your daughter. your daughter can help by providing a resume and stamped envelope addressed to the chapter to the recommender member, but the member is responsible for sending it in. if an email would be sufficient, that would be between the chaper and the member and the member would know that. Your daughter should not carry recommendations with her to give to the chapters.

i read the general one that was like 5 pages long and i've read the stickies. it's still confusing to someone who hasn't gone through the process and i'm sorry if i am annoying with too many questions. I thought it was ok to do so in this forum. Well, i think i dropped the ball because rush starts this weekend and i wouldn't impose on my friends at this late date - the letter couldn't get there before the weekend anyway. and I don't know how to get this form.
poo. i guess i'm a bad mom....

i'm not worried. i'm excited! she is my first to go to college and she is going to participate in something i never did and i want to learn about it so when she talks to me about it, i don't bombard her with lack of understanding. that's why I'm here.

the stickied threads give you all of the information you need to know. as mentioned before, your daughter will have a Recruitment Counselor who can answer her questions.

Impose on your friends.
You couldn't get the form because you're not a member.
You are not a bad mom, just a little confused.

well I'm not sure which friends were in which houses. it's not something we discuss. haha. and are the forms online forms - because then I wouldn't mind asking. but like I said, rush is this weekend, and I don't really want to ask these ladies to run around trying to get a form from the university. Also, all references have to be from ladies? I know a few fraternity dads too. ha

You are on a roll with the analogies today.:)

You haven't dropped the ball. Your daughter is the one going through recruitment. It is her responsibility to secure her own recommendations, show up to the events and ask her recruitment counselor any questions about the process.

The events will be coordinated around classes, and coordinated so that prospective new members (PNMs) don't have conflicts with parties at different sororities. At formal recruitment, the sororities all work together so there is a master schedule of parties.

All your daughter needs to do at this point is dress appropriately for the events (her Recruitment Counselor will best know how to advise her on the dress code for recruitment at her school; it varies by school each year), put a smile on her face and be a good guest at each event. When she receives invitations, she will use the good judgment you have raised her with to attend the max. number of parties she is invited to for that day. If she is invited to more than the max. number, she will use that same good judgment to cut the list down and keep the max. number of sororities based on the max. number of events that day.

After the final round of recruitment, the sororities will make their final lists of the PNMs they would like to invite to membership. Your daughter will also rank the sororities one last time in her order of preference of where she would like to become a member. If the lists match up, your daughter will receive a sorority bid. Because the sororities may only invite back a certain percentage of women after each round, your daughter may or may not be on the list at a sorority she liked. However, that is where ranking the sororities in her order of preference comes into play. She may not get her first choice, but maybe will get her second, third, etc.

It's a complicated process in that each day, the PNMs attend fewer events at fewer houses. But aside from that, recruitment is simply a week of interviews. Each organization has its own confidential methods of membership selection.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

AZ - are you a mother of a daughter who is an AZ now? Do all you ladies have daughters in houses?

Refs all have to be from women who are sorority alumnae.

Ask them what sorority they were in, and then they'll take it from there. Many of the sororities do have their forms available online.

YOU did not drop the ball. This is your daughter's event and she is now old enough to be doing things on her own. Sit back, take a deep breath, and just let her experience it. Enjoy it when she shares stories with you, but allow yourself to let her do this on her own. She is a big girl and will thank you for it!

And read more of the stickies. All of your questions are answered there.

well, at least when she calls home, i'll understand what in the heck she's talking about. haha. she is so short with me lately when i try to ask questions.... ahhh... growing up and getting away from home- gotta love it. I really do. but i miss her too.

and if she gets in. she does. if she doesn't it wasn't meant to be. :]

thanks for the information ladies. it was helpful. have a good day!

I love that you want to know as much as possible about what your daughter is going through. I also love that you are willing to "ask away" and take whatever comes your way! Your daughter is lucky to have you!!! Good for you and I wish her the very best. You have a nice zest for life.;)

I am a member of Alpha Xi Delta who lives in Arizona .. I don't have any daughters :-( .. I do have a son who is an active fraternity member at the University of Arizona.

1. We have our ways to keep PNMs straight. The method each chapter uses to select its members is unique to that chapter and is the private business of that chapter.
2. When your daughter ranks, she doesn't necessarily "cut" chapters. The rankings are only used in the event that your daughter gets invited back by more than the maximum number for the next round, so she can be matched and scheduled for the next round. A simple example, say 9 of her top 10 invite her back. The program would see if the first one on her crop list invited her back. If they did, she will attend their party. If not, the program will look at the next chapter (in order of her preference) on the list and so on.
3. All this means is not skipping any parties and attending all events for which you were invited that you have room for (unless you will be absent for an excused reason). Who wouldn't do that? Rude little twits. Some campuses require PNMs to attend all parties to be eligible for a bid. If you skip ABC's party (for an unexcused reason), you wouldn't be eligible for a bid from ANY chapter.
4. She should not worry about which chapter she thinks likes her best when she ranks---the important part is which chapter she likes best. She ranks, the chapters rank, and Panhellenic matches up PNMs and chapters.

15-10-6-3 are the maximum number of chapters a PNM can attend each round. Sororities make their cuts, and PNMs are scheduled according to preference if they receive more than the maximum number of invites. There will be no conflict because Panhellenic will give your daughter her unique schedule for her parties each round. For example, the second round, PNMs attend 10 parties maximum. Each chapter also has 10 parties of PNMs, so it's not one continuous party.

How important recs are depends on the school. We don't know where your daughter attends school so we don't know how important they will be for her.
1. Some schools do guarantee a bid to a PNM who ranks all of her chapters where she attended preference.
2. Do not send your daughter with the letters and do not have sorority alumnae simply send emails. Each sorority will have a form (available on their website, usually the sisters only side) to fill out. The form is to be sent with a supplementary letter, collectively known as a recommendation, or "rec". MAYBE chapters will accept a faxed rec or a pdf, but definitely have your friends call the chapters to see if this is acceptable. You could also offer to overnight the recs in the mail?

Recruitment will be scheduled in the evening. If she has class, she will notify her recruitment counselor and will be excused. She should not miss class for recruitment.

It doesn't hurt to ask. If a chapter accepts faxed recs, pdf recs or you want to overnight the recs, those are options. You don't know how to get the forms because you can't. You have to be a member of a sorority to get their form.

It certainly wouldn't hurt to ask.:) Yes, the forms are online, on the (Inter)National website, not at the University. Only an alumna (or in some cases, a collegian of another chapter) of XYZ can write a rec for XYZ.

The vast majority of us on Greek Chat are Greek ourselves.

I think the majority of your questions have been answered, but I agree with violetpretty that if you have close friends who are in sororities, you might want to try to get a recommendation form for her. I'm just guessing, but at a school with 16 sororities, recommendations *might* be important (they often tend to be important at larger schools).

Here's how you might approach your friend:

"Oh, Suzy Scoobydoo is going through recruitment this week at Someplace University. She's so excited! I seem to remember you said you were in a sorority in college. Does your sorority have a chapter at Someplace University? I know it's extremely late notice, but I'm sure Suzy would appreciate a recommendation from you. If you are willing to do it, perhaps I could pay for you to overnight the recommendation?"