dropped out of rush, still allowed to go to house functions?
 

i'm getting ready to rush at the end of september, but i've been talking to a close cousin who went to a different university than me that just got done with rush week and kind of getting ideas about what the whole process is like from her. only problem is, as much as i like her, she does have a tendency to embellish things and has been known in the past as a bit of a liar.

so she went to school with her best friend of like almost 10 years and they both decided to rush together. but my cousin decided to drop out of rush on like i think she said the 3rd or 4th day... she says its just cause she wasn't feeling it, but i have a feeling it was because she got dropped by the house her and her roommate/best friend were really gunning to be in together, and her best friend got invited back. well on bid day, her best friend actually got a bid to that sorority. and my cousin says she and her best friend have already talked to the sorority and they told her that it was alright for her to bring my cousin to any and everything the sorority does.

it just strikes me as odd. i mean rush week just ended, isn't the house interested in getting to know and focusing on the girls they actually INVITED to be in the house? i might believe it more if initiation was already over, it's been a couple months, and the sorority is interested or looking for more girls. i mean why should the girls that just got invited after such a stressful week feel special when someone who was dropped from the house is already getting invited to come to anything they please not even a day after bid day has ended???? i know from other people who go to school there that the house has filled their quota. then i asked my cousin, "oh what do they mean by you can go to everything? just like parties or exchanges? or do they mean like all their meetings, chapter, and all the special things they do for the new girls like big/little night too?" and she said, "i'm pretty sure they said i could come with her to all that stuff."

so i thought i'd ask you guys, do you think this is true? is that reasonable to believe that she's aloud to even come to chapter and special meetings even though she's not in the house and isn't even a pledge? because if it is true, it makes me question why bother even going all the way through with recruitment or get upset if i get dropped by the house i really want if i can just find someone to leach onto right away and what's the point if someone can enjoy all the perk and fun of being in a sorority without actually being a member or paying any dues??

No, it's not true -- especially for events like chapter meetings. Parties, maybe. But definitely not chapter meetings or ceremonies pertaining to membership.

If she even tries, I wouldn't worry about it. The sorority will take care of that.

is it possible that they made quota and are still below panhellenic total? in that case, they may be looking to COR some additional members.

just a thought...

Even if this is the case, the events that this girl will be able to attend will likely be limited to open parties and COB/COR events. To the OP ... I'd tell your cousin to be cautious and not wear out her welcome at the house, especially if she hopes to receive a bid someday.

I think your cousin must just have been thinking ALOUD that she hopes she can go along with her friend to any events she is ALLOWED to attend. I hope she doesn't go around chatting ALOUD too much that she's just going to skirt along with her friend as though she's a new member of that sorority. I really don't think that will be ALLOWED to the extent you're saying she's going to.

Dying from hysterical laughter here.

Thank you!
 

I was trying to think of a nice way to make that point without getting out my red pen! (or is it pin?)

sorry for the confusion between aloud and allowed. didn't think it was a huge deal, but thanks for those who replied!

I wouldn't say COB events would be the ONLY things appropriate for non-members, but definitely not everything the chapter does. COB events, philanthropy events, programming (maybe), and certain socials would probably be ok, but she should definitely check with her friend first. Besides, even if she were allowed to come to everything, she shouldn't overdo it by coming to EVERYTHING the chapter deems appropriate for non-members. That would be really weird.

Maybe she can hang out with some members informally, like going out to lunch with her friend and a couple sisters from the chapter. You know, normal friend things.

It could also be that most of the members actually liked the girl, it's just that they didn't think she's right for their sorority. I have plenty of friends that I don't think would make very good additions to the sorority. I hang out with them all the time, but I wouldn't put them on our wish list.

You are truly the best. Thanks for the laugh. :)

yes. team nittanyalum.

This sounds like to me that the sorority member misunderstood her question. I know that the first few weeks our new members are at our house they tend to still have a lot of friends from the dorms that they bring to eat meals at the house (at our campus, at least, it is permissible for anybody to be invited to most meals) or just hang out in the TV room. We've also had instances where somebody brought their friend as a "date" to a social function if they had just broken up with a boyfriend or something like that. But I can say with a fair amount of certainty that she will not be welcome at exchanges/invites, etc (why whould you want somebody you cut representing your GLO at those events?) and I can say with 100% certainty that she will not be welcome at meetings (new member or chapter), ceremonies, Big/Little, etc.

This.

Don't worry, if she actually shows up at a chapter meeting or something like big/little, she'll get schooled very hard very fast.

Mixers/Exchanges with a fraternity? No. The guest list is the members of the fraternity and members of the sorority having the exchange.

Dated parties/invites/crush parties? Yes. She should be welcome unless she has done something outrageous that the chapter would ban her from being a guest. That'd be pretty crazy to say "Oh we cut her, she's not welcome at our dated party," because that's like saying, "We cut her, none of our members can be friends with her/seen in public with her." Members of my chapter bring female friends to dated parties all the time, some of whom we cut, some of whom are members of other chapters, some of whom have not gone through recruitment. Like I said, unless she has done something to pose a huge risk management threat, she should be welcome.

I wouldn't be so sure. Unless she was taken AS A DATE, no female not in our sorority would be welcome at a formal or date party. She is not a member of the sorority, she has not paid dues to support the party, and she is not welcome unless a sister has brought her as her allotted date.

Yea, I know of someone who took her biological sister to a couple of sorority functions as "her date" so that she could go. I don't know the details of the the type of event it was though. I don't think it was a fraternity/sorority mixer, it was more of a sisterhood outing where dates were allowed (not aloud ;) ) to attend

That's exactly what I meant. Bringing a friend as a date.

Sorority women are allowed to have friends who are not members of their own chapters, and to do normal "friend" activities with them.

That is probably the message that was convoluted during it's journey.

Sorority member --> Your cousin's best friend --> Your cousin --> You --> GreekChat members

Perhaps your cousin, while visiting her best friend, will fall in love with the members of her best friends sorority. Perhaps the sorority members will see a new side of your cousin and change their minds about extending a bid. Perhaps they will be under total (read: have room to add new members, since there is a ceiling at all campuses called total). Perhaps they will extend a bid, she will accept, and everything will be fine.

Sorority recruitment is a great way to plop hundreds of new members into sorority chapters in less than a week. However, anyone involved in the process would agree that it's not a way to understand any woman at the level we would prefer (character, integrity, etc). With more time, your cousin could end up a member of the sorority and *voi la* be naturally invited to all of the events.

HTH