What happened?
 

I was rushing this year as a fresheman, and had some interesting results. I was very prepared going into rush with recs for every house, appropiate outfits, and conversations dos and donts. I went to all the houses with a positive attitude, and was smily, outgoing, interested in what was being said to me, and kept the conversation flowing. I went to all of the houses the first day, and thought I had great conversations with all of the houses, but i had an idea which two I wanted to cut. The next day my schedule said I had been cut from three of my top houses, and had to go back to my bottom two. The next day of rush I had the best natural conversations at 3 houses, only to find out the next day i got cut from all of my top choices except for one, and yet again had to go back to my bottom 2. Im all for giving sororities a chance. Any advice about what may have gone wrong?

Oh my gosh that is exactly what happened to my daughters. They both dropped out today after only getting asked back to their bottom 2. I originally told them that they should go to the one that was supposedly "Good" but they didn't feel like that house really wanted them at this point either. Probably because each time they thought they had a great conversation they were dropped again. They are both pretty, sweet and great girls and don't understand this process. I'm sorry that you had to go through this and wish I could explain it to you, but I don't get it either.

You will never know "what went wrong" at your top choices- and so people here will be even more at a loss to figure it out. Membership selection is never discussed publicly- which is for the better of the process at large, even though it can be difficult for individual candidates who do not get what they were hoping for.

Were you rushing at a competitive campus? If so, you could be an ideal candidate but just rushing against a huge field of others who are also very highly qualified. Getting cut during the various rounds is not necessarily a strike against you personally. I know that does not change the outcome, but hopefully it gives some comfort.

I will say this- if you really and truly are not happy with those "bottom two" houses- then do yourself and those sororities a favor and just drop. I do not know your reasons for calling them "bottom" houses- but whatever they are, please don't go there and take the place of someone who wants to be there just in the interests of going Greek at all costs.

From your post I get the sense recruitment is still ongoing for you. Keep your chin up and aim for any options you have left that appeal to you. I hope this helps and good luck.

Nothing went wrong - it just turned out that the houses you preferred to go to didn't see in you what they were looking for. No one on GC is going to be able to tell you why that is because, as has often been said here, that's membership selection and it's private.

And how nice that you felt two organizations were so beneath you that you would never want to wear their letters in public if you joined. I'm sure they're glad they dodged a bullet by not having you in their NM class.

Maybe your top choices felt the same about you as you felt about your bottom two. Maybe they were being polite and friendly, but they could never see you wearing their letters in public. That won't change. Don't think that re-rushing will solve your problems. They already have voted on you once.

Your attitude, whether you think so or not, was probably very evident to everyone. It sure sounds high and might where those two bottom groups were concerned. Sounds like you should have been flattered that you were even considered by your bottom two, as you obviously were not wanted by anyone else. Seriously.

You may not like this answer. But, that's the way it is kid. I'm just glad you didn't accept a bid to one of those two groups only to drop them when you felt too "good" to grace them with your presence.

Here's a big secret about those letters you would be ashamed to wear - those letters are as impressive as the person who wears them. There is not a NPC member org who doesn't have a wonderful heritage, a promising future, and a present that is shaped by the current members.

I concur with my panhellenic sisters - I think your best bet now is to drop out of recruitment.

I cant believe PNMs...er, ex-PNMs, or whatever, can come in here and ask such as question with a crappy attitude, and honestly not know the answer to it....

As previously stated, your attitude online sucks, so it probably sucked, whether you meant for it to or not, at the recruitment parties as well.

If you wouldn't be proud to be a member, don't even finish recruitment. Don't take a spot from someone else who wants it, when it's obvious that you don't.

So I know that a lot of people are going to beat you up on this, but I completely understand. I got cut from two houses where I really felt at ease and the girls kept telling me how much they wanted to see me back the next day. When I got my schedule the next day, I saw that they had both cut me, and that I was going back to a house where I sat in awkward silence for 45 minutes. I didn't feel comfortable there at all, and the girls that I talked to acted like they were bored out of their mind.

I was completely shocked at the way it turned out, because it just seemed so random. I still don't know what happened, but on Pref night, I went back to another house I initially didn't really care for, and the girls were wonderful. I didn't end up joining that house, but I gained a newfound appreciation for them. I do love where I ended up but what was so hard for me was that the girls in the first two houses seemed so fake and I couldn't understand why they were telling me they loved me and hoped to see me back and then they cut me. I guess I'll never know.

So do what feels right to you, if you're still going through. I just accepted my Bid today, so I am completely new to all of this. :) But I did want to say that I understand, and I know what you mean.

Yes, if you are still in Recruitment, please don't do these two "bottom" chapters a "favor" by returning to their parties. And while I would normally not advocate this, if those are your last choices, just drop out.

Sidenote - Tippiechick, can I please be in your location?

It could be that the girls you were talking to really did want you, just not as bad as others in the chapter wanted different PNMs. It is tough because you're right, you will never know (and I don't mean that in a snarky way).

I think 99% of us understand, as we have all gone through rush. Most of us have had a similar experience. But, few of us thought we were too good to wear a group's letters... It's all in the attitude.

Ahh, someone finally recognized my location! No. He's all mine. You can have Long Duck Dong, Anthony Michael Hall, or John Cusack. ;)

Well, the Donger does need food...

Just because a sorority, who loved and wanted to see you come back, ended up cutting you does not mean they were fake. While I do not know their reason for doing so, I do know that sororities have many new girls they would love to see join them. Still, they cannot invite every single one of them. It is not possible for them to accept every girl that they want. Sororities can only take a certain number of girls.

To the original poster, don't expect things to change if you go through recruitment again with an attitude like that.

I guess that's just a difference in opinion. If a girl tells me she loves me and wants to see me come back, and then cuts me, then of course I'm going to think thats fake. Emphasis on the telling me she wants me to come back. I'm sorry you think that's so wrong.

I think the original poster's attitude is pretty average. Did you not prefer some houses over others when you went through Recruitment? I can't imagine anyone NOT having a bottom two sororities on their list. If I fell in love with one sorority, it would be hard for me to wear another groups letters with pride. I agree that if you can't do that, then you're better off not joining.

I'm just saying that I understand what this girl feels like. Maybe because I'm fresh off an emotional recruitment week, too.

Ok, you just mention "girl" like she is the only one who can decide if you come back to the sorority. It is a sorority, so there are other girls who have a say too. I just don't think that it is fair for you to assume that she was fake. She could have really loved you, but she is not the only person that decides.

And that's why actives are usually told NOT to tell a pnm anything that can be construed as a promise, or assurance that she will be invited back. It may well be that the active DID want the pnm to come back - she may have been outvoted, or the pnm may not have been qualified (g.p.a., no rec., etc.).

In jake's car
 

Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake! Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!

eowww! Canine cologne! Love the reference! Best laugh of the night!

Can you honestly say that you went to your "bottom two" each day prepared to give them another chance to win you over? Since you "would never wear [those] letters in public" I really have to assume that you made your mind up about these chapters before recruitment began based on their "tier". You only commented on the embarrassment you'd feel from being a member of these groups, not any lack of connection you may or may not have felt.

Minds change, and if you truly went through with an open mind, you might have learned to love one of those groups, but with your attitude, they are lucky not to have you.

As for why you were cut from your favorites, we can't tell you because we don't know. Certain chapters have to cut a certain percentage of PNMs after each round. Maybe you didn't make a strong enough impression and the chapters chose to keep women they felt more strongly about. We don't know your GPA, actitivies, if anyone has a personal grudge or if you did something to damage your reputation. We don't know you.

1) A girl might want you to come back. It's not her sole decision. But, there is a whole chapter voting on you. She may love you. The chapter as a WHOLE may not. Nothing fake about someone saying they like you and would love to see you back. It just might not happen based on how the chapter votes. You'll see this next year when you are on the other side.

2) There is a big difference between having a bottom two and being embarrassed to be seen in public in a group's letters. The fact is, she felt that they were beneath her. A girl in her position should not consider any group beneath them when those groups are the only ones showing interest!

She is better off not joining those groups, assuming that they would have bid her.

No one is saying they don't understand how she feels. We just think she's being a bit of a snob when those two groups "beneath" her were the only ones even giving her a chance.

I said "girl" because I talked to one girl at a time. It happened with three girls in one house and two in another, and apparently not just to me.

Listen, I am sooo sorry you all think I'm wrong for believing that particular group of girls was fake. But with all due respect, you weren't there, and no sorority is perfect.

Also: please re-read my original post. I said what was hard for me is that it all seemed so fake. Nowhere did I put down those two sororities, or sororities in general. I felt like the houses I visited were misleading. If you actually personally know the girls I'm talking about, then please, feel free to correct me. It just seems like maybe some of you all are arguing for the sake of arguing.

I realize you're fresh off the recruitment emotional stuff, but here is the flaw in your logic:

One or two or three girls are not the ones making the cuts. It is possible that they really did like you and wanted you to come back the next day, but for whatever reason the chapter (not just those few girls) did not invite you back.

On the sister side, sometimes there are girls that we absolutely love and want to see join, but are sometimes let go for whatever reason. You might not think it, but rush on the active side is really hard too because some tough decisions need to be made.

Sorry you are feeling bad, but don't hold a grudge on those girls because they probably really did like you.

You'll see when you are on the other side next year. An active can genuinely like a PNM and want her to come back, but if she can't convince the chapter to keep her over others (particularly if a chapter has to make a lot of cuts), she will get cut. I know I have liked PNMs that my chapter cut. I understand how it SEEMS fake, but it isn't necessarily fake.

Enjoy your new member period in YOUR chapter!

Can I PLEASE just re-emphasize that I said it SEEMED fake to me?? That is my OPINION. I actually met the girls. The point I was trying to make with the original girl is that you never know what is going to happen or what did happen. Like I said, I was surprised that the houses I had the best experience in cut me, and the houses where the girls acted like the last thing they wanted to be doing was talk to m, did not cut me.

And I would also really, really like to re-emphasize that I am in a sorority that I LOVE with all of my heart. I am not holding a grudge by any means. My post was not negative, and I am terribly sorry that everyone is reading into it that way.

Yes, I thought those girls were fake. Yes, I was the only one here (as far as I know) that actually met them. Yes, that is my opinion.

Dear OP:
Honestly, you did not go in with a positive attitude if you felt some sororities there were beneath you.

You know what? The ones you liked, for whatever reason did not invite you back. But those "bottom 2" (you know, the ones whose letters you'd never wear), invited you back because they saw something in you, they liked you and wanted to get to know you better.

If you're too good for them, then I'd say you were the one who missed out, and not them.

Hundreds of girls going through recruitment. Minutes to get an impression of someone. Decisions being out of your hands sometimes. You seriously think rush is some fabulous process where people become best friends overnight?

I have told girls I really liked them and would like to see them again. It was the truth. The truth was also that it might happen and it might not based on membership selection on both sides.

I would pay money to see you when you get on the other side of rush. When you pull so hard for a girl you really think would make a great sister, only to have said girl think the whole process seems fake because she didn't get voted through.

We're not arguing for the sake of arguing, sweetie. We're arguing because in the world of sororities, we actually know more than you.

You can be as angry as you want about it, but truth be told, when I was in college there were girls I was happy to see back round after round that eventually got released. That doesn't make those girls you were talking to, or me fake.

Just sayin'.

Wow. THAT was uncalled for.

Listen, I think the girls I talked to were fake. I talked to dozens of other girls I loved in many different sororities, and even more that I loved in their same sororities. I am sorry you think that is so wrong, and that I am a "melodramatic bitch" for feeling that way. But I guess the great thing about life is that you can make that opinion about me, without actually knowing me. Just like I can make an opinion about the few girls who came across to me as being fake.


Also: please understand that I am NOT angry! I am angry at this conversation, not at my Recruitment experience. I had fun. Sure, I had disappointments, but I've also made great friends and found a group of girls I absolutely adore.

Tippiechick, well said!! I mean it, I agree with you! Well said sista

It really sounds to me that you went into recruitment with the wrong attitude and such. We do know more than you think. For goodness sakes we are trained for lack of a better phrase "weed through the bad apples". We can see straight through a girl who is putting on a front.

And what many pmn do not realize is it's a two way street. It's not hard to tell from both sides where the pmn fits.

Thank you.

You actually made my point, in a way. I would much rather someone not give me any false hope of getting asked back if she has any idea at all that I won't fit in there. I know sometimes it is hard to tell.

Although I'd love to hear how I went into Recruitment with a bad attitude. I ended up in a place I'm happy. Yes, I got cut from two houses I was surprised about, but I don't know of anyone who didn't get cut from houses they were surprised about.

I guess I've learned my lesson here...next time I want to disagree with someone, I'll keep my mouth shut. Funny thing is, I wasn't even disagreeing...

1) Those girls were probably not trying to give you false hope. Get over it. They actually probably liked you.

2) RIF! She was addressing the OP.

3) Disagreeing is perfectly fine and encouraged. But, be aware, that people on here aren't going to let comments go if they don't agree with them.

So can we please call a truce? You all think I'm a bitch, I think the girls I met were fake. You all know more about sororities than me (though this is something I never disputed). We all disagree on a lot of things. I wish we didn't have to resort to name-calling, but whatever. I'm still sorry everyone thinks I am so wrong to get the impression that a girl in a sorority was anything less than perfect, and I am so sorry that you all thought I was being "angry" and "negative."

Good luck to the original poster.

I think there may be some confusion with the OP's post and uk2011's posts (if I'm reading correctly). From what I can tell uk2011 did go in with a pretty good attitude, while the OP obviously did not.

I understand what you're saying, uk2011, but please wait and see what it's like on the other side. You're right, you can have an opinion and you are the only one who met those girls, but you also only have half of the perspective having been on one side of Recruitment.

Geeze. I didn't SAY they were "trying" to. I wasn't trying to start an argument with you over that, too!! I was simply saying that the girls probably DO know best if a PNM is going to fit in, and if they have any idea that they won't, then maybe it would be better to not ever even bring up the possibility of another invite. That's the only thing I was trying to say. Merely a comment. I wasn't disagreeing with you at all.

Eh, "sorority" and "fake" are synonymous with each other, period. Have fun in your bottom tier sorority, and have a nice day. :)

Thank you, and I promise, I understand there are two sides. Although after this whole drama, I'm starting to wonder if I can handle this sort of thing on a day to day basis.

I really had no intention of starting a major argument over a handful of girls I felt like were misleading. I only meant to say that you never know what happens when the doors are closed, and just because you thought they really liked you, doesn't mean you'll get asked back.

Thanks so much. I'd love an explanation for your hostile tone. :) I'm really sorry you think my sorority is "bottom tier," but at least I'm happy there.

Also, even if an active "doesn't think you have a shot" she's not going to be rude (well, most of the time). As a chapter, you want PNMs to leave your house with a pleasant taste in their mouths at the very least. Like I said, you'll see once you recruit for your chapter. It is normal to have the feelings you had, but we were offering another take on the "fakeness" you felt based on the fact that we've had more experience in this area than you.

Agreed. And, don't feel special, name calling is a source of entertainment for me. I do it constantly, without discrimination.

We're not trying to be bitches. We just know how it is on the other side.