Envelope addressing etiquette
 

Ok, GCers have all the answers, so here I go:

I'm sending out fundraising letters for my half marathon, and I'm not sure how to address them. These aren't the people's real names, but this is the issue I'm having: Matt Brown is married to Mary White-Brown. How do I write that? Matt and Mary White-Brown?

I also have a couple (my parents age) who isn't married but they live together. I know them really well, so maybe I should just write their first names? They have different last names, of course.

Social entities, which is what they used to call cohabiting couples and couples with different last names back in the day, should be addressed like this, in alphabetical order:

Ms. Munchkin03
Mr. Not-Munchkin03
543 Cohabiting Road
NY NY 10001

Thank you! I swear, I could ask you guys questions about astrophysics and I'd get answer.

As I understand it:

- The woman's name always comes first, if it's a heterosexual couple.
- If the couple is married, even if they have different last names, the word "and" is used. So:

Ms. Wendy Testaburger and Mr. Stan Marsh
123 Main St.
South Park, CO 12345

You can also consult wedding etiquette books. They have chapters devoted to this type of issue.

No need to buy one... your local library should have several.

Man, I'd pay to see that episode.

At the end of the day, I'm just a redneck from northern Florida, but dear Emily Post says on page 131, in the section "Addressing Envelopes":

"Invitations to an unmarried couple who reside at hte same address should be addressed to 'Ms. Nancy Fellows' and 'Mr. Scott Dunn,' with each name appearing on a separate line."

And that's correct, if they are unmarried.

Married couples get an "and".

I love that you know what page it's on Munchkin! :) I seriously want to buy my own copy of her book.

Here's a link to the Forms of Address section of Emily Post's website which should help! Emily Post

Also, if both are doctors, DO NOT address the envelope as Dr and Mrs. John Doe! That is my PET PEEVE! I was a doctor before my husband...why do I lose my honorific? If you leave it as Mr and Mrs, I'm fine, but don't give man honorific to the an without giving the same courtesy to the woman! It should be addressed "Drs. Doe," "Drs. John and Jane Doe" or "Dr. John Doe and Dr. Jane Doe."

This is my personal belief, and I'm sure up for contentious debate, but I don't think you should ever use "Mrs." or "Miss" unless you KNOW that is what the woman in question prefers ... I have always hated both and shudder at things addressed to me as "Mrs. [whatever they think my last name is at the moment]". Please just call me Ms.!

I thought Miss was only used for women under the age of 18. But I got an RSVP back from one in her 20s with Miss written on it.

My parents are both doctors. My mother practiced under her maiden name (she's retired), but outside the hospital she was Mrs. Dadslastname. They get mail ALL THE TIME addressed to "Dr. and Mrs. Dad Dadslastname". She seems not to be bothered by it, but it bothers me - her MD is meaningless because she's married? :confused: :mad:

Some unmarried women prefer Miss even if they're over 18. A good friend of my mother's preferred to be addressed as "Miss Jane Doe" (she never married) and used "Miss" until the day she died.

She probably was just used to it! One of our friends actually (as a joke) addressed a letter to us as Dr. and Mr. AOII Angel! I thought that was pretty funny. I really don't care if people call me Dr. I do go by my maiden name professionally (it's really hard not to if you graduated before marrying) and my married name personally. If I get something from people who don't know me, I don't get offended, but friends and family should know better.

That's true. All mail from my high school is still addressed to Miss Taualumna LASTNAME 1998. I think Miss is default until you change it yourself.

My high school also had an interesting/nonconformist style guide for mail addressed to alumnae who've taken their husband's name when mail is addressed to the couple - this most commonly applies for those with legacy children. Instead of Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, which ignores the fact that Mrs. Doe is an alumna, the letters would be addressed:

Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane SMITH Doe 1985

If Mrs. Doe hyphenates her name, then she's really Ms. Jane SMITH-Doe 1985. Of course, at that time, her name will appear first.

Alright, I've got another one for ya. I'm addressing graduation announcements right now. My godparents recently separated, but I want to send announcements to both of them. Should I still write "Mrs. Smith" on hers? Of course they're still legally married. I guess that's what I should put. I just haven't had to think about it before.

Definitely Ms.

According to Ms. Manners (pg 451), in sending an invitation to a couple that is separated, you should write to each separately, at each separate address.

In accordance to your original issue, according to Ms. Manners (also pg 451 to pg 452), you can address the envelope to the direct person (Mr. Jon Doe or Ms. Jane Doe) and state on the invitation, "I hope that you and your wife/husband will be able to join us for dinner."

Ms. Post can be a little old fashioned and Ms. Manners tends to try to be "ahead" of the game in dealing with the "new world." Hope this helps.

Also, keep in mind generational things. We had a struggle about this during the wedding invite addressing . I am really bothered when I don't get my own first name on things and most of the people I run with (granted we're crazy liberals ;)), but my mom has no qualms about being "Mrs. DadFirstname DadLastname" and nor do most of her friends. I'm just bothered by it because it means "John Doe and Wife of John Doe". Which kinda bothers me because I have an identity outside of being "Wife of John Doe".

So we kinda struck a compromise. Most of my friends I addressed as
"Mary and John Doe".
and my parents friends I largely addressed as
"Mr and Mrs John Doe".

Because I'm a hyphenated last name now, and the first part of my last name is higher alphabetically, I usually get prime of place on the envelopes.
"Phoenix Maiden-HusbandLast"
and
"Husband HusbandLast"

What I love in Britain is getting to use professional initials after your name. After graduation you can use your academic credentials in correspondence, so I use "Phoenix Maiden-HusbandLast, MLit" when appropriate. Some people have a real alphabet soup after their name..."Sir Joe Schmoe, OBE (order of the British empire), ARA (Associate of the Royal Academy), AMA (associate of the museums association), BA(hons), MPhil, PhD. Generally, you only pull out the full litany for super formal situations or for writing references, and shorten it for the situation in other cases (Sir Joe Schmoe, OBE) .

Interesting. I know that my mom USED to prefer the Mrs. DadsFirst DadsLast for school-related correspondence, but that was because she wanted to let the school know that my sister and I came from an intact 2-parent family. Now she'd rather have Mrs HerName MaidenName DadsName.

Also, I don't like the academic credential after the name unless it's a terminal degree. Munchkin03, M.S., is cheesy, but Munchkin03 PhD/JD/MD would be okay.

Married just a year and a half and I'm totally over being Mrs. Husband's first name Husband's last name. The Post Office has no idea who I am and gives me a hard time when I'm picking up packages addressed that way. I'd like to send them a copy of Emily Post.

Thanks all! It cracks me up how I'm sure my boyfriend wouldn't give stuff like this a thought at all. He'll probably try to get me or his mom to take care of it for him. Ha!