Rush 101 Question from a Mom
 

My daughter and her friends are very interested in joining a sorority when they go off to college in Fall 2009. They were invited to visit one sorority during a group college visit last year because one of the girls' Moms knew a girl in a house there; this girl was kind enough to give them a tour of the house and tell them some basics about her sorority, etc.!

Back in the late '70s, I went to a college that had a great Greek and academic system. I started rush week, went through my first set, and then heard the tragic news that my father had passed away. I had all I could do to return to college and never pursued sorority life after that. My reason for telling you this? I only have limited info about sorority life at the college I attended, and I don't want to confuse my daughter if the basic rush process is quite different on various campuses.

Are girls invited back after each set by invitation only? Is it conceivable they might receive 3+ prefs or even NO prefs by the end of rush week? Where I really get confused is how the process ends--how it's narrowed down to the point where each girl matches up with a chosen sorority by the time bids go out. Do they receive more than one invitation to join by bid night and then choose their favorite....or is it conceivable they receive 1 or no bids at the end and don't join at all? It would seem to me you would get a feel for what's going on during rush week and have some idea, but I would appreciate any info or tips you can provide.

My daughter has great grades, is very kind, genuine, great personality, and is very pretty. So far, one cousin has offered to write her a rec letter to her sorority, but other than that there are no sorority alumnae we know. (I told my daughter to keep her eyes/ears open when socializing, babysitting Moms, friends' Moms, etc.).

Although one of her dream colleges has a website for sororities and rush week, the info is rather basic. Is this website her best source for info or did you read a book or visit other websites to learn the basics before rushing?

Thanks!

Start by reading the stickies under Recruitment, Sorority Recruitment, and Greek Life. Many of your questions will be answered. If you have specific questions, first try the search function (example: Recruitment "Hometown University").

Thanks Benzgirl....I've been searching individual threads, but didn't read the stickies. They're extremely useful, as much for all of you (repetitive questions) as for me (lots of answers). Thanks for the friendly welcome and tip!

Tell your daughter to concentrate on her grades this year and to enjoy her senior year of high school. Once she decides on which college she will attend, you can then search Greek Life at that school.

#1 thing on your daughter's "To Do" list over this next year is to make sure she has strong grades. #2 make sure she has a strong resume with a variety of extracurricular activies including clubs, honorary societies, volunteer work, sports, etc. It's also important to show leadership roles.

Yes, each subsequent round after the first is invitational, with the maximum number of parties decreasing each round. For example, my alma mater goes 14-10-6-3-Bid Day. At the vast majority of schools, PNMs will be matched with one bid at the end of formal recruitment.

Some schools do an "accept/regret" style of invitations. Each PNM will get a list of chapters who invited her back for the next round, and if she has more than the maximum number of parties for the next round, she can choose which ones she wants to return to. This is often done on "off days" between rounds.

It's becoming more common to rank a top (maximum # for next round) and the bottom. This way, a PNM gets a generated schedule right before the next round of parties. For example, at my alma mater, PNMs would rank their top 10 chapters (order doesn't matter) and bottom 4 in order. Say 9 of your top 10 invite you back. The program would look at the first of you bottom 4, and if they invited you back, you will go there; if not, it would go to the 2nd and so on. If your schedule is full, you might not know for sure how many chapters invited you back (and conversely how many you cut).

It is common to not have a full schedule. While it can hurt , I would encourage every PNM to go through preference because there is nothing to lose and everything to gain by sticking out as far as possible. Read stories in the recruitment stories sub forum and you'll see how some chapters can go from ok to favorite or "worst to first".

It is possible to get cut from all chapters, however, certain things will increase chances of that. Low grades, non-freshman status, and anything in the "Weird Rush Stories" thread.

Some smaller schools may do formal recruitment a little differently. There may be no cuts after the first round (especially if there are 5 or fewer chapters). Some schools will offer multiple bids to PNMs. Some don't have rounds altogether.

Many NPCs allow recs to be written by collegiates from another chapter than the one at the PNM's school. Ask teachers, coaches, activity sponsors, family friends, friends' family, etc. Often when you find one sorority alumna, she will be able to tell you about others. In my little town of 6,000 people, if a girl from my high school asked me, I'd be able to point her in the direction of alumnae from 20 NPCs, and this is people from my town, not people I know at Maryland. AND I don't live in the South. Keep digging. Your daughter has time.
I personally think GC is a great source of info. And it's free! I would caution against books, because they often don't account for different types of campuses (size and culture).

Another source that a woman I know used: she asked her church secretary to put "Pammy PNM is going to be starting school at XYZ college. If any of the ladies in the congregation can advise her about sorority, please contact her." In another one, in a list of high school graduates, the PNM had "is interested in sorority and will need recommendations" added to her name.

In other words, the alumnae are out there - just think outside the box in order to find them!

Wow, you are thinking very far in advance!
Please let your daughter enjoy her senior year and focus on her grades and resume. Advise her to watch her behavior when she is out with friends at parties or what not because she wouldn't want any crazy stories preceding her to college. Word spreads fast in the age of Facebook and Myspace. Speaking of which, make sure she cleans up her Facebook or Myspace because it will be checked once people find out she is going through recruitment. Also, make sure that your daughter keeps in contact with alumni from her high school who are current Greeks.

Don't sweat the details of recruitment, like how many parties, cuts, etc. You will be guided through the process by the Greek Life office and Panhellenic when the time comes.

Most of all, just relax! The last thing you want to do is have your daughter focus on joining a sorority at this point. It gives her far too much time to try and figure out which one she wants to be in, which ones are good and which aren't, and be persuaded by gossip and tent talk. All of which will only hurt her recruitment, not help.

In the spring your local alumnae panhellenic may have events for senior girls. BE SURE TO REGISTER THROUGH THEM. (This does not take the place of registering with your college panhellenic - always very important. Register as soon as you can with them, as they may have events, or a facebook page, or some other way for your daughter to gain information. )

Alumnae Panhellenics are invaluable for getting information, and by registering your daughter's information will be available to many more alumnae - they will often help get her recommendations. Check at www.npcwomen.org to see if you have a local group.

Here's a tip: let your daughter do her own research and leg work. You both should start getting used to it now - college is not for little girls and their mommies.

What great advice from everyone! Her grades are spectacular, she's in National Honor Society and taking advanced classes, and is very close to the top of her class. She is involved with great activities at school, including community service with NHS, a mentoring program, and other activities, but so far hasn't had any leadership roles.

I've been reading the stickies and some posts out of curiousity. WarEagle07 also makes a good point that thinking about sororities too far in advance may prejudice her thinking...something I hadn't thought of. I'm normally not one to think of anything far in advance; however, my daughter, her close friends, and the respective parents visited their favorite college recently and were given a tour of a sorority, along with meeting a sorority sister (daughter of one of the Mom's friends), which prompted the interest, as you can imagine.

I was the most curious, wanting to know if things were still generally the same with rush now as they were back in the late '70s when I went to college. I wish I'd had the opportunity to follow through with rush, but with my father's passing, I had all I could do to stay in the college I was attending.

Thanks again everyone!

PeppyGPhiB -- I didn't want to give the impression I was a "helicopter parent." Our daughter is very independent and we've encouraged greater independence during high school, knowing she'll be going away to college. The curiousity, as I previously mentioned, was my own. Thanks, though, for the great advice, as I completely understand what you're saying.

you didn't come across as a helicopter mom, just a mom remembering her own experience and wondering if things work the same way as they did back then.

co-sign^^^

I think the questions that the OP wrote are perfectly acceptable. If your daughter already has an acceptance from her top-choice school (wow, good for her!) then you can start narrowing down the recs she will need. Otherwise, you may have to wait until April when she is making her final decision of where she will attend.

Please go into school/recruitment knowing that it will be full of the same "top notch" girls, with stellar GPAs, tons of community service, AP classes, leadership positions, beauty pagent titles, etc etc etc.

And when you get a moment, read this.

Your daughter sounds fabulous. As the OP is probably aware, this is a baby bubble year with one of the largest number of high school graduates in a long time. I would think that anyone who has to deal with the college application process would know about the competitive admissons process (especially for females) and realize it may extend to Panhel Recruitment as well.

I'll bet anyone who ranks everything in life would know that.

Thanks to everyone who gave me such kind responses, even before I was alerted to check the stickies which answered most of my questions.

Just a couple of you made me regret posting here and unwelcome. You must have misinterpreted me as a helicopter parent, and nothing could be further from the truth. My husband and I have done everything we can to make sure our daughter stretches her wings and challenges herself as an individual throughout the years because we know how important it is for her to be completely prepared for each successive step she takes, including college. We've never coddled her in any way even when it would have been much easier to do so.

If she decides to go through rush, fine. If she decides it's not for her by the time she goes off to college, that's great, too. We just want her to be happy and make the most of college. I also never meant to imply she was somehow special because of her grades or accomplishments. I'm sorry if my post was written in such a way to convey those ideas, mostly because I'm not like that at all....neither naive nor a hovering parent.

I do think this is a very friendly forum and apologize if something I said made you think of hovering Moms who interfere before, during, and after the rush process. I can only imagine how frustrating those parents can be.

Although I participated in just one set during rush week before I received the call that my father had suddenly died and was unable to continue, I do remember how extremely competitive the rush process was....even back in the late 1970s.

I know this is a very welcome forum and I'm sure my post was simply misunderstood. Sometimes I don't have a way with words! Thanks again.

It's tough, I know. (My eldest is off to college in 10 days!) We are currently very sensitive about helimoms, but I concur that your post isn't screaming "HELICOPTER!".
I do cosign to having her do as much of her own footwork as possible. She should do the registering, contact women about recs (friends' moms, relatives, networking as has been suggested) and even check with friends of her who are in college to get information about recruitment. It's good practice for those all-important conversations later.
And, remind her not to wish her senior year away - it will be over before she knows it. Good luck to her (and you, too!)