Mothers and Daughters
 

In a few weeks, I begin fall rush and I am sooooo excited! I have been addicted to greekchat and found a lot of great stuff, so thank you!

But I have a question in regards to legacy (and i promise i've searched). My Mom is an alum of sorority XYZ at my university (lets say "College University"), and although I would love to be a member of XYZ, I would like to keep my options open.

I have read some threads that suggest mentioning to the actives that your family members are Greek, but not to mention which sorority they were a part of. I believe the post said something along the lines of "it shows the actives that you know a little more about greek life than the average PNM" since your family members were involved. Since we both went/go to College University, I tend to think saying she went there would be a plus because the sisters know I understand the value of College University's sisterhood, and have been directly exposed to it.

Here's the dilemma: I dont want the actives to think that just because my mom was an XYZ at College University means that I will also go XYZ at College University and then cut me. I dont want the girls in other sororitys to think that I am not interested in them because I am a VERY direct legacy of another chapter.

Thoughts?

First, I hope you meant greekchat, instead of "girlchat."

Second, a lot of times it is easier to search Greekchat through Google's advanced search (where you put greekchat.com as the domain to search in).

If you do that, then you get the information you want.

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh....php?p=1339205

Recs are important at College University. Did you get recs? If so, did you tell your rec writers about your legacy status? If so, the "damage" may already be done, and all you can do is emphasize that you want to keep an open mind.

It really depends on the school. Legacy status, especially chapter legacies is pretty important at our school, although it doesnt always mean that the daughter will go where Mom went.

If you are at a competitive campus and you are worried about other houses cutting you because of your XYZ legacy status, be sure that your conversation at other houses includes comments like, " I am so thrilled to be here at ABC. Thank you so much for inviting me. I had a great time here yesterday, I really feel at home here, etc"

In my experience, the activies are looking for comments and clues from you to help them decide if you are interested in returning.

I wouldn't put it down anywhere. As the mom, I would fill out whatever paperwork my sorority needed from me, have one of my sisters write a rec, and make sure those are sent to the chapter itself. Nobody else needs to know.

It would be a rare chapter that didn't know you were a legacy, and of what sorority. They don't have to see it on your info form. Many times they hear it from an alum in your hometown.
I wouldn't bring it up, but if you're asked, emphasize that you are looking for a group that's the best fit for you, not your mom or other relatives.

Actually, I'd say it's more common for women to have no idea about a legacy going through unless you inform them of it. Maybe in the south word gets around, but in most areas of the country, women go all over for college and no one gives any thought about Susie Q attending Cal State Sacramento, or Jane D attending Michigan State.

i would reiterate what others have said by stating that it is great to have alumnae list your legacy status on the rec. form they send in, probably okay to list it on your rush registration form, but not a good idea to bring up your legacy status in a conversation, unless questioned about it.

I can testify to the importance of not bringing up your legacy status in conversation since I mentioned my active AOII sister at parties (I couldn't think of anything else to talk about since I'm nervous in those situations!) and was promptly cut despite a great application from every group...even the struggling chapter. I unknowingly gave off the impression that I was only interested in AOII from day 1. Not a good idea. Just having a legacy on your application is not going to hurt you at the vast majority of schools unless they include Bama, Georgia or any other big SEC school. Those recruitments are completely different!

P.S. If asked about your mother, stress that she wants you to be happy at the chapter that is right for YOU!

I truly think it is odd that other chapters would cut a girl because she is a legacy to another one. Every recruitment I have worked at, there is always some legacy (to another sorority) going through that our girls just adore and they would be thrilled if they 'stole' her. (I know lame, but kind of cute in a way).

It is very much a factor and very common knowledge in the south who is a legacy to which house. Word gets around through a variety of sources, and depending on the legacy relationship, girls can be cut based on that fact. If this OP is in an SEC school or other similar Greek situation, she needs to make it very clear in the dorm, in line waiting for a party, in the conversations during the party, with her gamma chi, etc that she is open minded about all the groups and her mother is encouraging her to find her own place.

I agree. If the chapter that I advise really likes another house's legacy they would "rush her hard". It was always a challenge to see if the girl they really wanted would select us (the non-legacy house) over her legacy house.

If you have to cut 50% of the girls who come through your party, you're reaching for anything you can get. "She's a legacy, her mom's group will pledge her" is one of those cuts that you can kind of talk yourself into feeling good about. Even if it's not necessarily true.

My school is a southern school, but Big 12 not SEC. (From the way it sounds SEC rush is WAYYY intense). Anyways, sorry to be so blunt but are you all implying that being a legacy to my mom's university and sorority could hurt me? Her sorority is a great group of girls, I would be honored to be a part of it, and I know I wont know exactly how they are until I rush since groups change over the years, but my mother and I are very different people with different personalities. Do I run the risk of not clicking with her XYZ sorority (and getting cut) and getting cut from ABC sorority that I do click with simply because I am my mother's daughter?

Overanalyzing, I know. But I would like to know how much emphasis I should place (gracefully, of course) when talking to the sisters on my finding my own house that fits the best with me, whether it be XYZ or any other GLO.

if they ask why you decided to rush couldn't you just said something along the lines of: my mom was in a sorority and really loved it. I really want to find a house that fits me as well as hers fit her.

that way you aren't saying "I don't wanna be an XYZ like mommy" nor are you saying "I only wanna be an XYZ like my mommy"

Just being a legacy to another chapter at any school other than super competitive ones should not hurt you in any way. As with my example, however, talking too much about that legacy may give other chapters the impression that they shouldn't waste their time trying to steal you from your mom's group. Don't take what I said wrong....I am honored to be an AOII and most likely would have chosen them over the other chapters on campus, but any choice was taken away from me because I was not cautious with my statements. As others have said, sometimes little things are used to make decisions to cut great girls when you have to cut someone!

Some of the southern Big XII schools have very intense recruitments also. (Oklahoma, Texas, etc.)

See above ^^^^


Being a legacy is not necessarily a negative - but my advice would be to make it clear that you are not tied or dead set on pledging any particular group. AOPi Angels' advice above is good advice and makes the case for watching as well as thinking about what you will say.

The whole point is to position yourself to have options - what you say can influence that.

Absolutely correct.

If she's out of state, I think. The world (and the Southern states) are small enough that everyone knows everyone. And whose someone kin to. Can't hide it, so make sure you let people know that you might not go where your kin.

too true!

I guess I'm just lucky that my chapter doesn't have to make these kind of cuts, mid-west location and DII at that. :) 50% seems pretty steep, is this common for the "big guys" in SEC? Of course we've got forced cuts too but nothing so drastic. It affords us the opportunity to get to know who we are cutting or keep the unknowns around longer to find out more about the individual.

if you use the new release figures, then yes, I think some groups (as in the ones everyone wants to join) do have to cut that much.

My daughter participated in recruitment at UGA as a legacy. (I also attended UGA and am an alumni of a sorority on campus.)

When my daughter registered online, she did not complete the legacy information. She was in a hurry to meet the early registration deadline and didn’t have the information. We were not able to go back in and update it.

I wasn’t worried about it. She had two recommendations and a Legacy Introduction Form sent to the house-all clearly stating that she was a legacy.

She had a wonderful recruitment with a full schedule during all of the rounds. She attended three prefs including the sorority where I was initiated. She absolutely loved all three.

I don’t want to go into to many details but I thought I should offer a word of advice to other mothers out there. If I had said anything to my daughter before prefs, she may suicided my chapter and been left without a bid.

They did not know she was a legacy because she was not “in the computer”. Had she been “in the computer”, she may have been cut heavily in the early rounds.

BTW-She was initiated into a chapter where the girls are wonderful and she has found her home away from home. She is totally happy and I could not be more thrilled with the way things turned out.

I would be willing to bet at UGA they all knew she was a legacy to your group whether she told them or not. In the south, we know these things - as a previous poster said!

There's a huge difference between having an in-house active sister and a mom who graduated 18 years ago. Right or wrong, the assumption is the PNM wants to pledge where here sister is.

Of course that is true, but some chapters apparently will cut you for being a legacy. I cannot assume that I would have been cut regardless of my comments since my roommate was the sister of the KD president with worse grades than me and was not cut from all of the groups. She did pledge KD in the end, but she went to Phi Mu for prefs as well. No matter what your legacy is, talking about it too much without making sure your rusher knows you are keeping an open mind is not wise. People have certainly been cut for less.

Do the sororities know who the PNM's are actually going back to for each round? Who their competition is? The PNM may have already cut their legacy chapter....or vice versa.

unless the pnm shares that information with her rush hostess, ordinarily the sororities do not know-they are not about to share who came back to their parties, who is on their invitation list, etc. with other sororities and the recruitment counselors and the panhellenic officers are disaffiliated from their chapters and are not supposed to be communicating with their chapters.

Co-sign with FSUZeta.

One tip: if a pnm has CUT her legacy (ABC) house, it doesn't hurt to let that be known to the (XYZ) house where you are most interested. Often, XYZ house is just assuming that the legacy will be returning to the legacy house, and can sometimes base a cut on that line of thinking. So, if a pnm can tell them, it lets them know she is open to another house besides her legacy house.

Wow, that was not worded very well, but I am tired...

I hadn't thought about that. That would be important to bring up. I think that was very well worded!!:)

HI! :) i went through recruitment at the same school my mom attended & was a kappa at. i think on your registration you put that you're a legacy, etc. this is given to all the chapters, so they have the ability to know if they want to.

for me personally, it got brought up a lot. i got the "why did you decide to go through recruitment?" since i was a transfer student in january & that was my first experience at butler. i often said "well my mom was in a house when she was in college so i've seen first hand how wonderful it is. in fact, her best friend now was in her house when she was in college." sometimes girls got gutsy and tried to ask what chapter & i politely said something about how it didn't matter to me & that i had an extremely open mind, etc.

congratulations on joining kkg. a pnm does not have to declare her legacy status on the recruitment enrollment forms, and even if she does, there are schools that will cover that information when they are copying the form to give to the sororities. that way only ABC chapter will see that she is an "ABC" legacy-the others will see a blacked out blank.

i have a feeling this varies from school to school. i was told after all was said & done that the chapters are given this information from registration so they all knew without me telling them.

also, if someone writes a rec it often asks about legacies so of course they can find out through there too.

My daughter told me that at every single house they asked her "Are you the first one to go greek in your family" (or something along those lines) so they were fishing to find out if she was a legacy somewhere. She always said "no my mom and my aunt were both Phi Mu, but I am going through rush with an open mind. I want to make sure I choose the right sorority for me". I think it worked because she only got cut from one sorority, and that was one she was planning to cut anyway, they just beat her to it. haha She wasnt upset, but she shocked me a couple of times by her cuts and liking one sorority so much one day and cutting them the next! I also thought she was going to go with a different sorority as her #1 by the way she talked about them all week and she ended up cutting them before pref!! Crazy! I was really surprised that she went through it so calmly and based her decisions so rationally from one party to the next. Phi Mu treated her very well and she felt that was the group of girls she would really fit in with the best. That is the reason she chose Phi Mu and it had nothing to do with her being a legacy. I am proud of her for the way she went through rush. Following her own instincts and not blindly following my past or where her high school friends were going.

your are correct in thinking that sharing legacy information varies from school to school-that is what i said.

i suppose i suck at reading, cause i totally skipped that part. haha. :) sorry! maybe i should stop skimming so much, i do that with school too. :)

Moms and Daughters
 

I found this website last spring when my daughter was debating if she should go through recruitment. I first thought about the mother daughter sorority thing as early as the day of my own initiation in 1977, when a group of my closest Zeta sisters talked about it when we were still in our ritual whites. Who would have known that my daughter would be a bit of a rebel and tell me that she didn't know if the sorority thing was for her? The day she graduated from HS, at least five women asked her (in front of me) if she was going to rush. I was feeling how increasingly uncomfortable she was becoming each time the same question was asked. It turned out that once she was on campus during summer school, she decided on her own that she would give recruitment a try. I helped her with picking out dresses and helped her put her resume together to give to rec writers. I had no idea what the implications of being a legacy to two top houses at a competitive school would be. I proudly plastered that information on her resume. She survived rounds one and two, with only being released from 3 out of 15 chapters (Only one was a disappointment), but it was toward the end that she suffered the worst cuts. I left Florida to help another Zeta chapter with their recruitment just to get my mind off her. I returned to FL to be there for bid day. The day of pref she called very disappointed having not been invited to ZTA and a few other favorites, and wanted to drop. Gulp. All I could say was "OK...Are you sure that's what you want to do." I had the biggest frog in my throat and was trying so hard to be casual and just listen. I asked her if she had spoken to her Rho Chi yet and she told me that she would call her next. Moments later, the phone rang again and she said she would get dressed quickly and go to a few Pref parties. (She had been required to go to an academic related Ropes course, in the rain and mud, which wasn't scheduled to finish until preference was underway. It was known that she couldn't attend at least one party due to that event. I had thought that the Ropes course would be the big problem of the day...Not her dropping out of recruitment) She liked two of her three pref. groups and got her first choice of the three. Now a year later, she sounds invigorated and every time we speak on the phone, she sounds like a different girl/woman. The first thing she to me when we spoke on the phone during prerecruitment week was almost what Sally Field said when she won the Oscar. She said "WOW everybody loves me." I don't know why this makes me so happy, but it does. I am so afraid of being called a Helicopter mom, but I do love rush, and I do think being in a sorority offers so much to a young woman. I just get excited about it. If I found a fantastic spa or place to eat, I'd want all my friends, and even strangers to experience it. When you have a daughter, and when she leaves the nest, you just want to make sure she has the tools for the journey. I think being in a sorority teaches a girl so many things. I feel for all you other moms out there. It all works out one way or another, but you still have that little girl in the back of your mind, even though common sense tells you to let her go. Overcoming obstacles is how we learn and overcoming those obstacles and having that experience makes us far more interesting to know. My daughter wants to be a Rho Chi next year. Just can't wait.