Emotional Affair
 

I just finished a course on the Sociology of the Family and one of the essay questions on the final was "Do you consider emotional cheating more serious or less serious than sexual cheating on a partner" I thought it was a really good question and im curious to hear what others opinions are on this?

*Side Note* My professor told us at the end of class today that he's currently getting a divorce. Talk about irony. . .

We learned in Human Sexuality that affairs involving emotions are more damaging than purely physical ones, and I agree with that. It hurts to know your partner doesn't have self-control, but it hurts more to know that they felt like their relationship with you was seriously lacking - enough to get the aspects of it from someone else.

Although both types of cheating is damaging, emotional cheating is much more detremental than anything sexual. I think it might because women might try to justify the sexual part thinking that they just weren't doing enough, etc. But its so much harder to justify an emotional connection

Your answer is almost exactly what I wrote. . . As for the context of the definition of emotional cheating it was in relation to an article in our textbook. . . Its basically defined as developing a close personal relationship with a person other than your spouse in which you share the daily aspects of your life including joys and problems with some one other than your spouse. . . The article also stated that this form of cheating has risen in recent years due to the internet and the availability to find old friends. . .

I think I was someones "mister" in an emotional affair!

They're equally bad.

I have been the "emotional mistress" more than once, unfortunately. But, personally, I can say that a sexual affair would piss me off more. I'm not a very emotional person so, while either instance would hurt me and our relationship, an emotional cheating would hurt a scootch less.

To be an emotional affair is worse. When I was breaking up with my ex (international long distance) because I found out he had been cheating on me for over 5 months he said, but I never slept with her to try and make the situation better. I blew up on him even more after he said that to me, because it was a serious relationship, not just a casual one. The crazy thing is he treated us both well, and the fact that the other girl and I had mutual friends and it still went on for so long and neither of us found out about each other. It is a really crazy story, but I think the best part is that the other girl and I became friends because it shocked both of us and I knew it wasn't her fault.

I think this definition:

developing a close personal relationship with a person other than your spouse in which you share the daily aspects of your life including joys and problems with some one other than your spouse

Describes every close female friendship I've ever had and the relationship I had with my mother as well. I don't like that definition. To me, that's just a friendship and not an emotional affair. An emotional affair would have to have some feelings attached, feelings more similar to "love". Sorry, but the ladies I eat lunch with at work every day are people with whom I share life's joys and sorrows, but they are not emotional affairs. There is the romantic interest portion that's missing from that definition... the giddiness that you are going to see and spend time with that person, the little flip flop in your gut when you see them across a room, etc.

As for which is most damaging, I'd say the one in which you get caught...

Amen to that.

Emotional is worse, by far. Because I have found that they are far more likely to end a marriage than a purely physical affair.

Sexual Affair is a deal breaker. Instant divorce with no hope of recovery.

An emotional affair can be worked out. Hell, it could help a relationship. You realize that you are having problems, are almost strangers, and decide to fix it. It would almost like be dating and getting to know each other all over again. The hunt has always been more fun than an actual relationship.

I completely disagree. I think the hurt of an emotional affair is just as bad as the hurt of a physical affair. Probably moreso since you know the mistress/mister knows everything about you and the relationship.

Both are betrayals of trust, one exposes you to more harm than the other. A sexual affair opens you up to disease as well as financial/paternity insecurity. My wife gets knocked up with another man's child, I don't know about it so I end up paying for it's up bringing...and catch HPV in the process.

I don't know the law, but I've read that under the current family court rulings if you are married and she gets knocked up by someone else the husband can still be held responsible for financially supporting the child b/c of the needs of the child.

That would piss me off a little more than what some dude knows about my relationship.

I get what you're saying about being mad about being responsible for another man's child (and in most states, if not all, the husband of the pregnant woman is automatically established as the paternal parent... I think steps can be taken to change that if he is not the father, though).

But emotional affairs are a lot more than just sharing the ins and outs of your relationship with an outsider... it's about getting emotional needs met by someone else. I would think that for a number of women, an affair would start as emotional, and then lead to sexual. Would you really be comfortable knowing that your wife is going to another guy and getting from him (emotional, sexual or otherwise) what she can't get from you? I think they would all be hard to work through.

For me, I think I would be more apt to shut down if I found out my husband was having an emotional affair. There's more of an investment there (of time, feelings, etc) than if he had just hooked up with a girl once or twice on a purely physical level.

All very true.

100% agree here.

Both choices would suck...but in degrees of severity I rank sexual as more heinous than emotional.

I believe that which is worse depends on intimacy and intent. If you are in a committed relationships there is a level of intimacy that is being broken with both an emotional sexual relationship. Having an affair is draining whether it is emotional or physical because in some way you are telling your partner that they are filling your needs and they may be lacking in some area. Even if your intent is not to say that, the other will have those thoughts at some point in the process.

I get the whole thing about emotional ties and everything, but I still say sexual is worse. If my husband cheats on me emotionally, the possibilities of the ways in which I'll be hurt are deep, but limited. If he cheats sexually, he could create a child and an innocent life will be thrown into the mix. Emotional ties can be cut, but someone can never be removed from your list of past sexual partners--that will always be there. He could bring me home any number of diseases and maybe even one that isn't curable. There's many more ways that situation could turn out and they're all longer-lasting than the time it takes to resolve some strong emotions and those problems can keep evolving (if he gives me HPV it could turn into cervical cancer, his child could have a birth defect, etc).

I'd be pissed if he cheated on me emotionally, but I would be devastated if he cheated on me sexually. I would be really mad and hurt if he cheated on me emotionally because I wouldn't be able to trust him again. Even if he came forward and told me that it was just an emotional affair, I wouldn't know if it was something that has stopped or if it's something that still going on. I would be crushed if he cheated on me sexually because that would tell me that he never loved or cared about me in the 1st place. What about the STDs that so many people have? What about AIDS and Herpes?