Legacy Dilemma
 

Okay so I'm thinking of pledging next semester and I have a bit of an issue. I am an ABC legacy (mom was one) and it has been kind of unspoken that that is where I would end up since I was in all the junior programs, etc, and went to all things ABC. But now I keep asking myself if this is where I want to be? Dont get me wrong I LOVE ABC and all it stands for and would LOVE to be a part of it, but I feel like I'd pledge out of family expectation. My mom has said that I should pick the sorority thats right for ME but I cant think of pledging another sorority without feeling like I'm committing treason.

Has anyone else felt this way?

Okay I didnt know about the discrestion thing beforehand so I'll keep that in mind next time. But is it only in NPHC ones or all of them?

If you had done some observing and read some of the posts that say "Read this before posting" or something like that, you would've known that discretion is key and it wasn't necessary to name a particular organization in order to get some advice. Also, If you knew as much as you think you know about the org you speak of you would know that your mom is one, not "was" one since membership is for life. Many members chose the organizations of their family members and many did not. Research all 4 of the NPHC sororities so you can make an informed decision. The decision is too important to simply do now and ask questions later and you certainly can't change your mind down the road. Bottom line: it's no big deal if you choose to pursue an organization other than your mother's. People do it all the time.

Legacy doesn't mean there is an obligation to pursue that organization.

Its better to be well informed and pursue an organization that best fits YOUR needs, goals, and beliefs.

i am also legacy of an unnamed d9 sorority...my mother and three aunts are xyz, as well as members of my fiances immediate family. i have been surrounded and immersed in all things xyz for as long as i can remember but my mother told me to follow my heart. i wound up somewhere different. i think she may have been a little disappointed, and after that my sister pledged completely different as well. instead of looking at it as a "betrayal", we look at it as combining our three sisterhoods and have actually done things together representing black women, not abc/xzy/123...because thats what its really all about.

Sorry guys...I'm new to the whole greek thing. I just dont know where I should be though. Some people say my personality is more of another d9 sorority while others say I'm more of a GDI. I just feel like i'm at a crossroads right now. I'm the youngest and only girl in my family and my brothers didnt pledge my dad's frat so it's kind of the last chance to keep the greek legacy going.

Questions for the sorors out there

What is the whole rule of discrestion about? I didnt name people or anything but I wanted to know for future reference.

Oh and I only put was beacuse she hasnt been active since college.

First off, you're not their soror.

Second, you need to practice discretion as far as naming the organization you're pursuing. You may not get invited to continue, and you never know who's reading this, so you need to take out the specific organization you're trying to pursue.

Your mom should have told you that...

Okay so you cant use soror either? I wasnt calling them MY sorors...but ok. I wish people werent being so rude to me about it I'm really searching for answers.

Well, considering I'm not a member of a sorority, I can't think of an instance where I'd refer to someone as my "soror."

And none of the answers in this thread have been rude.

ETA: Good job editing your original post, though.

Well it just sounded rude but this is the web so who knows? This is one of the hardest things I have had to decide since coming to college. I just hope I make the right choice. My other friend is going through the same crisis and so is my BF since he's not sure if he wants to pledge his dad's frat either.

Oh and sorry to any members of any group that may have been offended by my vocab. I've only begun to talk with my mom about the basics of sorority terms so I've got a lot to learn.

You should remained focused on school. None of the NPHC organizations are going anywhere. If it doesn't happen during your college years, you can pursue your chosen organization after graduating.

Yeah I'm starting to think that might be a good way to go...Membership will be there for life so it's not like I'll miss out. But I'll just wait and see come the fall

Stop focussing so much on being a legacy unless you want to follow in your mother's footsteps, which is not a bad thing IF you truly want to do that and feel that your mother's org is right for you. Also, a new legacy can always start with the org of your choice and your children's choices if they were to decide to follow in your footsteps. Otherwise, move on and research all the orgs and especially observe the groups on your campus but be discreet, meaning that you don't have to broadcast to everyone what org you are pursuing and eventually what choice you have made. There are many reasons for discretion, which you will learn for yourself if you decide to pursue any organization.

As far as what org fits your personality, don't pay much attention to stereotypes and hearsay. Make your own observations about the chapters at your school and the orgs as a whole. There is diversity in every org and contrary to what some non-greeks choose to believe, we are not carbon copies of one another. Many of us (including myself) have been met with surprise when certain non-greeks found out that we are greek or in a particular organization. This just goes to show that stereotypes are just that. As for the NPHC, I suggest that you observe the groups on your campus, visit their international websites, and start your research by reading the book "The Divine Nine" by Lawrence Ross (amazon.com). This will give you an overview and introduction to all the NPHC organizations.

Good Luck on your journey. It sounds like you have a lot of research to do.

And if you don't want to go NPHC, go NPC! Don't rule out the other 28 sororities that you could join! :) I have a few friends who were NPHC legacies and chose NPC organizations, so don't feel like you have to choose one of the four. Depending on how big your campus is, there may be more NPC choices.

Best of luck and do what you feel is best for YOU not what your mom wants. But you know that already. :D

did i miss something?

Apparently we all missed the 2 new sororities added :rolleyes:

I caught that, too.

It's 26, Panda. Not 28.

:)

My grandmother was in a NPC sorority and my mother ended up being in different NPC since her mother's wasn't at her college, and crazily enough, I ended up in a completely different one even though both were at my university. I think being a legacy might have been special, but honestly each chapter is way different at each school. It's the women in that chapter that make the chapter. The ideals of each sorority are important, but each one has the common goal of being a place to become the woman you want to be and offering friendship, support, and love in that endeavor. Be proud of your legacy status in coming from a family that values sisterly bonds, but don't let it stop you from looking at all the options that are out there. =)

Hey guys thanks for all your advice! My mother isnt pushing anything on me per se I just feel like I wasnt sure if I wanted to pledge this for me or for family traditon. I really do like her group but I dont wanna rule anything out. It's like when you're brought up in the thought that this is your destiny it's kinda hard....but times change so who knows? What was right in the 70's for her might not be the same for me in 2008. My family told me when they pledged it was beacuse black students needed to "stick together" in school but since then we made some progress.

What a great explanation of why you shouldn't be so worried about pledging your mom's group or expecting your daughter to pledge yours!

The NPC sororities and NPHC sororities do vary chapter by chapter. However, with the NPHC differs in most of their chapters because of the International programmatic targets each of us uphold. Since I do not know what differences are with NPC sororities, I cannot say--some like ZTA do have a "universal philanthropy" with Susan G. Komen. But that is all I know, personally.

The reality is Taurus is that you do well in school, end of discussion. I really am unsure what your qualms are--is it that you want to join an D4 Sorority or not? If you want to join, then first and foremost, if you choose the one that your mother is a member, there are guidelines and rules in place for that. Your mother should be assisting you fully in that process within limitations.

But, if you do not want to join her Sorority and she might react to it profusely, the whole thing is if you have done all your research like others have stated, then you will know you did the best thing for you and only you. However, remember, parents are just fearful that their children will make adult choices without considering the entirety and gravity of the whole situation. Thereby alienating yourself from her "comforting arms". But, it has happened before and many people do it. So, hey, know yourself.

There is NO directed PLEDGING in any NPHC sorority--it is now called "membership intake process" or "MIP". You make an application to the organization with proof of your grades at an informational (when directed) or Rush (may or may not be invitation only). Rush is NOT the time to decided if you want to become a member--that decision should have been made a long time ago. Rush is when you are asking if you can change your life...

Consider this, just as XYZ is not your material, so is it that you may not be XYZ's material or ABC's material either--legacy or not... You may be PDQ or EFG's material... Or not... Get what I am saying? ;)

Good luck on your education!

Okay now how should she be assisting me then? I know there's a special legacy form out there. I'm a very dilgent student so that's not a problem but why is it that when it comes to D9 organzations a person must do tons of research (which reminds me I have some books to get) but in NPC or IFC organziations it seems that people just pick the one they like. I'm not sure if that's how it works but many people I know who want to pledge NPC dont even have a house in mind before rush.

This is true. It's due to the drastically different processes of NPHC and NPC.

With NPHC, you are encouraged to research the orgs beforehand and choose only one to pursue. As I understand it, there are many NPHC members on these boards that pursued membership in their selected organizations for years.

In contrast, the NPC members always encourage women going through recruitment to keep an open mind to all the groups and not go in with a preconceived idea of which one they want.

I'm not in a position to fully explain why NPHC focuses on research so much more than NPC, since I'm not an NPHC member. What I've learned from being on these forums is that NPHC tends on the whole to view membership as more of a lifetime commitment and thus something that deserves a long period of research, education, service, and self-improvement before membership can be granted. It's also due to the fact that each NPHC has a missional identity that is very well-developed and distinct. While all kinds of women join the NPHC sororities, they are very focused on their particular values and service and developing the same ideals. NPC is also a lifetime sisterhood and NPCs all have national philanthropic efforts but I don't think that NPCs have achieved the kinds of well-known missional identity that the NPHCs have. Frankly I think this is one area where NPC has taken a lesson from NPHC. I know my org has put a lot of emphasis on specific values-based identity in the past several years and I think it's awesome.

That's my best attempt to explain the difference and the cause of the difference from the NPC perspective. Maybe the NPHC women could give a different or better explanation.

Again, as many have pointed out, the two processes are apples and oranges.

Yeah this is going to take more research....luckliy I have a few months to work with.

Her mother hasn't been active since college. I doubt there is much she can do to assist her, since she would not know the current process. In fact, in DST a mother's "help" can be to the detriment of the daughter, especially since we do not have a legacy clause.

That's what I meant....she only knows the 1973 editon of how it works. But I do know some actives that could help out with rec letters if I needed them.

And I want to do this on my own and not feel like I got in based on legacy status.

According to what you have said, your legacy status is a moot point anyway, so you don't have to worry about that at all.

Also, the only thing that I would add is that depending on your school, you might not have a good deal of time to make up your mind about an NPC org. Not rushing your freshman year can hurt you in some places; and AI is not often or routinely an option (from my understanding).

If you veer toward an NPHC organization, I would suggest that you remember that post-graduate membership is always an option. Don't rush a decision to pursue membership, because our organizations are a life-time commitment. Make sure that you are certain of your choice, and with an NPHC, you get to enjoy that luxury of time.

ETA: Even then, as my soror noted, just because you have made your choice does not mean that you will be chosen; this is true for both NPC and NPHC sororities.

You learn something new every day. I thought you all did have a legacy clause. I know I heard that somewhere before but it must have been hearsay. We don't have a legacy clause either and I agree that a mother's "help" can sometimes be a detriment.

To add to this, Alumnae/Grad membership is expected of all NPHC members so continuing to honor your lifetime committment by being active in your org after college is not taken lightly and although some members don't remain active after college, the idea is for potential members to understand fully what they're getting into so that they will indeed strive to remain active once they become members. Hence the need for all the research and reflection. Just to give you an idea of how important Alumnae/Grad membership is in NPHC orgs, some of the NPHC orgs have more Alumnae/Grad active members than they do undergrads; in some cases as much as 70%-75% Alumnae/Grad. The NPC and other councils cannot say that about their Alumni participation or even come close.

I don't think that NPC will ever have a larger active alum population than undergraduate. Our organizations are designed primarily as college based groups with alumnae status as an afterthought. In fact, the object of AOII includes "college loyalty" implying that our main purpose is to support women during the college years. The lifetime commitment likely was originally to continue to values of the organization after graduation rather than remain a t-shirt wearing active alumna. Now, however, we realize that we need more alumnae support to keep the organization strong. We also have discovered that for some women going through recruitment, having a strong alumnae programming initiative is an important factor. Lifetime commitment doesn't have to mean monthly attendance at an alum meeting, but it would be nice if everyone found at least some way to give back to their fraternity once they go alum.

Exactly. But I could tell that the OP was having a hard time understanding why the NPHC orgs stress the importance of researching, observing, and taking time to find the right org to pursue.

Well, I think part of it too is the way NPC vs NPHC rush. It's been said on here that for NPHC, undergraduate and graduate chapter rush are more alike than different. Can you imagine taking a collegiate NPC rush and transplanting it to the alumnae arena?

I don't think the NPC sororities are ever going to be able to develop as distinct of "identities" as the NPHC groups are...simply because there are 6 times as many of them.

For NPC to have the kind of alum participation that NPHC groups do, we would have to radically rethink the way we rush and choose members, and groups would probably die in the process.

Maybe not so much today, but in my mom's day when she joined SGR in the early 1960's, joining a NPHC org also meant entree' (?sp) into Black High Society. It was a lot of the NPHC orgs back then that gave the swanky dances, fashion shows, parties, cotillions and beautillions for the Black community.

I agree. You would also lose sorority houses since filling them would become a problem is you switched to the NPHC system of recruitment. In many ways, though, I like the way that NPC does it because there are often women who join that would not have gone through the trouble of researching and waiting to join a group that have ended up highly active alumnae and have contributed a lot to our organizations. NPC needs to find a way to convince the women that do go through our system that there is more to membership than just 4 years. Maybe recruiting our seniors into our alum groups and advisory councils like you recruit NMs would be feasible.

We also deal with this issue since not all NPHC members remain active after college, especially among the fraternities. One way to convince members to remain active is to talk to them about it early, while they're still undergrads and to reinforce the idea of life commitment throughout their college years. For example, we have retention and reactivation committees which focus on keeping members active and encouraging members that are no longer active to reactivate. While not all members will transfer into an alumnae chapter immediately following college graduation, many will reactivate at some point in their lives because they made a life commitment and they want to honor it. Also most members feel that their organization's commitment to the community and national programming is valuable and necessary. They also know that it's the alumnae members that run the organizations so without them, the organizations cannot prosper.

Part of the issue is that we all need to get on the stick and have stand alone alum programming that appeals to alumnae - that they are willing to pay for - alumnae involvement needs to be more than being an advisor or a volunteer to help the collegians.

Well said. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to get alumnae together for just random fun activities (movies, happy hours, trivia nights, etc) and face reluctancy from people who aren't into it and/or don't want to be asked to give up their time and money to donate to the collegians. It is sad and frustrating - however I do think nationally NPC GLOs are trying to focus more on lifelong membership.

I'll stop here, as this is a complete hijack of the OP.

Yeah when I hear about NPHC organziations I usually hear about the grad chapters.

Do more people join after college now? Many of the NPHC members I have met are graduate members or members who joined in college years ago, I havent met any undergrad members.

When we say "research" we mean you walk into Rush knowing at minimum--and preferably the entire website of information with focus on the programs/initiatives Internationally, locally, at the undergraduate level and graduate level if that is what you have.

The answer to your follow question is below in response to Ladygreek's response:

Ladygreek, some of the comments are meant for EVERYONE... :)

That's the thing, a mother ought not be promoting her membership in her sorority if she is not active in an NPHC sorority... That is my personal opinion. Because WE ALL PROMOTE LIFELONG MEMBERSHIP... ;)

In my opinion it is a detriment to the daughter when she has failed to teach her right... Like what to wear at Rush, appropriate and respectful behavior toward the members while on campus. How is one going to aspire to become a member and disrespect said members by refusal to attend ANY FREE on-campus functions?

No, I am not saying that a mother "help" her daughter get into said D4 sorority--that is helicopterish--she ought not have "guaranteed" her membership like that. If she wanted her daughter to pursue membership so bad, then how come her daughter never attended a grad chapter function, talk to the UGs while in high school, go to Regional Conferences and International Meetings? Hayle, these kids apply for our scholarships, but where's the payback?

It is gotten to the point where we have to KNOW these kids and their families before they "stroll" into our Sororities--before they get into college... :rolleyes: